Jump the Shark Fonzie!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I could be wrong; I’ve been wrong before. But I honestly believe the American people will choose reality over reality show. Public opinion on the Biden Administration’s handling of the pandemic is very good. Is that because the Administration’s response was that good or because it just looked that good after Donald Trump’s response was so bad? See a problem, apply solutions, solve a problem. Versus see a problem, claim victory, blame the media, and it’s Miller Time. While the Biden agenda includes an infrastructure package and investing in America. The Republicans counter with, attacking Transgender youth on girls’ sports teams. Creating a mythology out of whole cloth, “Critical Race Theory…what the Bible says and what you should know” and Marjorie Taylor Greene.

But here is the problem and if you’ve never sat down and watched monkey Island I’ll explain. The monkeys on the Island live as a herd. One monkey gets excited, and they all get excited, excitement running through the group like a wave.  And then as fast as it started it dies out and the monkeys go back to throwing turds at tourists. So, to keep the monkeys agitated you constantly have to come up with a new stimulus. It’s like a Television network, after Charlie’s Angels comes The Dukes of Hazard. ANTIFA, the ratings are in and you’re out. Pack your bags and return to whatever imaginary land you came from. You’re just not scaring the old folks the way you used too.

The economy continues to improve (For Republicans that’s worse than Ted Cruz having an identical  twin brother named Fred.) as the states which fought against masks and lag in immunization also lag in economic recovery. Republican Governors choose showmanship over statesmanship by declaring, “Enough with the carrot give me that stick!” Attempting to beat the unemployed for the benefit of the camera and the detriment of their own economy. “Watch, I’ll punch myself again. It doesn’t hurt…much.”

Florida Governor Ron DeSatanist busied himself with voter restrictions and ideological purity tests then a building collapsed just like in the third world. DeSatanist was hot on the scene full of prayers and sympathy. (He didn’t even go to the Trump Rally) Maybe we will forget the building fell down on his watch. Maybe we will forget that Florida literally wrote the book on real estate corruption. Gee, the bridge collapsed, and the power went out and the house fell down! “Yeah, but they’s a Transgender kid running on a girl’s track team somewheres up in Connecticut! We gots to do somepin!”

Now the border is a sure-fire light them up issue. Nothing bothers the Republican faithful more than someone risking their lives for a chance at a better life. Exposing the word most near and dear to Republican hearts, “Mine!” This is mine and you can’t have any! If the drug gang is trying to recruit your son or force your daughter into prostitution, why don’t you just follow the rules? Send in your application and we’ll call you when it’s your turn. But it’s the perfect issue because it will never go away. I had a friend tell me once, when his family came to New York at the beginning of the Twentieth Century Jews weren’t very welcome. I answered, when my family came there were no banners saying, “Welcome Irish!” Hating immigrants is a part of their American heritage. (Gangs of New York)

Republican Governors have hit on a new scheme as a summer replacement for the “The Arizona Recount that Wasn’t.” It was like “The Stand” good at first, but too long lulling the readers to sleep. (See: Monkey Island) Remember when Trump sent the National Guard down to the Texas border to work on their sun tans? Well, monkey see. Monkey do! Ohio Governor Mike DeWine joins a growing list of Republicans sending ad hoc groups to the Mexican border. To address “The Crisis!” The guardsman last summer complained they had nothing to do but sure, this the Hodge podge group of law enforcement, game wardens and title clerks will fit right in like a well-oiled machine. Long daze at the Daze in, Jacks or better to open. “I don’t know honey; I guess I’ll be home when they say I can come home.”

Follow the Orange leader, follow the bouncing ball, monkey see monkey do. It’s all part of my rock and roll fantasy! Trying to smile patriotic smiles standing before the smoldering ruins of the Capitol. The pied piper’s second gathering was barely covered by the media usurped by the real news. And if you ain’t the news brother you’re the Olds, daddy oh. That’s the way television works.

The attacks are coming faster and faster and becoming even more shrill. “Jump the shark Fonzie!” The FBI put us up to it. Those were Antifa supporters! The NSA is following me and there is a pod under my bed. Texas will outlaw any history it doesn’t like. Tennessee will place restrictive signs on bathrooms with criminal penalties for violators. Forgetting that it wasn’t too many years ago, we made them take down the signs that said, “Whites Only” from the restroom door. Same crowd, same fears just add suspicion and stir.

“There’s somebody out there who is taking something that rightly belongs to you! You might not know it, but friend let me tell you. They are going to outlaw Jesus! And teach sex education in kindergarten! They’re trying to teach Marxism disguised as history. They’re gonna take your guns and teach your kids to read dirty books that no one should ever read. They will indoctrinate your kids and call it education with reading and writing and books and stuff.”

 “A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ.”
― John Steinbeck

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