By David Glenn Cox
Has it been a year already since the last Comicon, I mean C-PAC? (Conservative People Acting Crazy) This year’s, month’s, week’s theme is “Twilight Zone or Bust!” Owing to a lack of history classes the event was being held in Dallas, TX with assurances from the governor that the power would probably stay on. Eight Ball, AKA Don Junior warmed up the room with his standup routine. (Boy are my arms tired, I got a poodle for my wife!) It wasn’t going well when he brought out his Texas “A” material. There are two things you don’t talk bad about in Texas, the Dallas Cowboys and Texas. His attempt was to try and gig the “Liberals” in Austin.” But they don’t cut that thin in Texas. “They maybe Liberals, but they are in Texas motherfucker!”
Caitlyn Jenner was heckled and attacked by a troll calling her a “sick freak” (Posting it to his website) and running her out of the building. I would never vote for her. I don’t even take her seriously at the table. But I respect the hell out of her going into a room filled with juiced up rednecks, pimps and masturbaters and trying to win them over with logic. “It’s not working!” Try again Mr. Spock! Security? It must have been breaktime. It’s not like this a place where people would carry guns or anything. It’s only redneck central downtown Dallas, Texas, on the weekend!
I was trying to find out if the Japanese guy who says he’s from Venus was there. I wanted to try his $400 Covid-19 cure. Covid comes from Venus, so he says. It wouldn’t be C-PAC without him he’s like the moon bounce at a kid’s birthday party. But Matt Gaetz was on hand, despite Party officials’ best efforts. He attempted to hold a competing event in a different part of the hotel. Having staff hold stenciled signs with arrows (A clever trick he learned from watching Roadrunner cartoons) directing people to a “Matt Gaetz and Allen West” speech. (Clear my calendar) But security now was back from break, quickly took their signs away from them and kicked them out of the lobby. Gaetz did his best Pee Wee Herman impersonation claiming, he meant to do that. He didn’t really want people to come to his event anyway. There were lots of people there. Falling back on the old Republican standard. If anyone at the hotel like the manager tells you they kicked us out of the lobby, it’s a lie.
Gaetz claimed it was a C-PAC scheduled event that had somehow been left off all published event programs. The nerve! Trying to sell Amway at my patent medicine show and evangelistic tent revival. But the buzz in the room besides Don Junior was the seven steps to make the golden Bull President again. Step one, take over Congress. Step two, name Donald Trump Speaker of the House. Anyone see the flaw yet? Even IF the Republicans take over Congress you can’t just name someone Speaker of the House. They must stand for election first. Step three, Speaker of the House will bring Articles of Impeachment against both Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Simultaneously, and will by acclimation declare them both guilty, throw them from office and make Donald Trump President again.
Let’s play along in fantasyland; it’s July 2021. By the time all of this has occurred, it would be time for Trump to run for election again which he would lose…again. This is the dream like state that they are in. It’s all happening in slow motion for them, the dreams not dead. The dream can’t be dead! Maybe, maybe, we could go to South America and start again. Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee. If you don’t believe now, maybe it never was! But buy extra peanuts, the apes never disappoint.
The crowd was brought to its Simian feet cheering low vaccination rates. Because somehow that is a slap in the face to Joe Biden. “I’m ignorant as fuck! Take that you Liberals! I’m so angry I’m gonna cut the tires on my own car. Just so I can blame Joe Biden. That’ll show him!” If anyone has ever wondered how it was that they burned the Library at Alexandria. Something tells me C-PAC was in town. It is so far beyond Orwell as to be out in the country and the sun sets between his house and town. How long? How long before they begin smashing machines! Medicine bad! Machines bad! Sickness good! Electricity bad! Light bulbs bad! We’ll show him! Must build Terminator to stop Jesus!
Trumpty Dumpty was scheduled to speak but why? With the parking and the crowds? He will tell the attendant minuscules’ He was robbed, Democrats bad! Fire bad! Joe Biden bad and terrorists good. Calling insurrectionists patriots. Live with that, run on that. Good luck with that! Instead of a conference it is a trade show for plumbing fixtures and screwball ideas. The echo of the past thunder reverberating into the hills. Salesman trying to make sale while keeping one eye out for an open bar. Pushing products that will never come to market to people that already have one at home. Preacher meets choir. One part party and one part nightmare.
Not since the Shakers has an American religious cult been so destined for extinction and they even don’t even do nice woodworking. Hurmph has even commissioned his own great seal (The Office of Donald J. Trump) K-Tell records brings you twenty golden oldie hits on one long play record! Remember when? A man without office claims to have an office and maybe a scepter and diadem. “The Admiral is inspecting the fleet again from his balcony this morning.” Captain Billy is the crossing guard for a school that’s not there anymore.
A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant’s rings make way for other toys
One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff, that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar
His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane
Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave
So Puff, that mighty dragon, sadly slipped into his cave
Oh, Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee
Leonard Lipton / Peter Yarrow
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