“Elba, Party of One?”

Falling through the unvierse at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The results of the C-PAC Presidential straw poll are in. Ron DeSantis 1%, Rand Paul 1% The Amazing Spiderman 1% and Yes 1%. Overwhelmingly not surprisingly, the one and the only, mindless as a Macey’s Thanksgiving Day balloon. Donald J. Trump is the candidate Republicans most want to see on their ballots. See? There’s common ground here, something to build on because Donald Trump is my choice for a Republican candidate for President as well. But alas, we shall all be disappointed; it is not to be. Reports from those working around Trumpy say the former media worker’s faculties have deteriorated some since leaving office. And let us remember the point from where we are starting.

This is an ego machine which runs on headlines and garbage. Deep down inside locked away inside a dirty little room somewhere Norman Bates knows mother will become very angry, but not surprised, if he loses another election. Besides, it’s more fun to pretend to be President than it is to be President. He’s got a pretend President car and a pretend President Seal and makes pretend President speeches but where is his pretend President wife? Blown the pop stand perhaps? Returned to the land of “Moose and Squirrel?” A bit of rough on the eighteenth green? Is she staying with her sister? There is a stage play going on filled with drama and sweeping grandeur inside the head of Donald Trump. Unfortunately, none of us  are invited to the performance. This is a theater of solitude. “Elba, party of one?”

You can feel it in your bones someone is going to end up face down in the swimming pool while someone else asks Mr. Deville for a close-up. Trumpy gave his most assertive speech yet since leaving office at C-PAC. All about patriots and martyrs to the cause. Turning the volume up to eleven and going for the full Monty because the crowd is starting to thin, and he felt safe there. He’s beginning to feel the heat, the indictments in New York against the Trump crime syndicate, means no more credit for his businesses. No more credit means you are out of business. Pagliacci laughs bravely, while secretly knowing the truth. Fanning the flames to cover his own retreat.

Trying to gin back up the tension Trump is flogging a dead in this case elephant. If he thinks the crowds are coming back to Washington, he has never heard of Kent State. It’s all fun and games until people start dying. The insurrectionists who violated the Capitol but did not participate in the violence or carry a weapon are looking at sentencing between fifteen months and two years in Federal prison. Think about spending the next two Christmases wearing an orange jumpsuit. Think about what a decent attorney is going to cost your family to keep your Dumb Ass out the Atlanta Federal Correction facility. Remember that house you used to own? The boys have gotten a lot taller since I’ve been away. Act in haste repent incarcerated.

Donald Trump will be 78 years old in 2024. That’s a 117 if you don’t exercise drink Coca-colas and think you can eat whatever you want. Maybe he can campaign being carried from place to place on a bariatric sofa bed like Nero but with a “My Pillow.” But through out this whole epoch of disaster we have learned two things about Trumpy. He hates planning and he despises hard work. He likes to go on his gut instincts and his gut instincts tell him that’s way too much work. We are already in extra innings here and he’s running for home plate not second base. The great nineteenth green in the sky waits for us all. Some of us will ride in golden Golf carts and some of us will burn in the eternal fire of sand traps. Trump ain’t running for anything except cover.

I was overjoyed to read about Trump’s insurmountable lead. His supporters will dance naked around the fire light unwilling to accept that Trump is not running. This is a mono focus group. Don’t try to tell them Santa’s not real, they won’t believe you! They won’t send their donations to anyone else but Donald Trump. And corporate America will wonder if it’s worthwhile bankrolling candidates polling in the upper reaches of 1%. That’s good news for Mike Pence he’s only 1% behind the poll leaders. The Party has followed Trump through the chifforobe into Narnia, to get elected they must believe in Narnia. But if they believe in Narnia, they can’t run for office against the Trumpozoid.

Objectively avoiding all the hoopla, even if Trump were to pass away to the land without a thermostat between now and election day. He would still be the most formidable candidate. Ron Desantis is about as likeable as a large possum in your trash can. Who wouldn’t hold a coat for Rand Paul’s neighbor? Even widdle Tucker Carlson received 1%. We aren’t laughing with you we are laughing at you!

If Trump were to pass away to his eternal reward (Everyman’s death diminishes me, but some more than others.) Q would keep him alive. And the faithful would believe, “And when I got there, the stone was rolled away!” Trump sightings would become like Elvis sightings, “I saw him operating the tilt-a-whirl at the state fair in Omaha! I went to get my camera, but he was gone!” In love with an idea that is both unfathomable as it is unscrupulous. They are in love with Donald Trump the idea but can’t tell you why. They will only support Donald Trump and I couldn’t be happier to hear it because Donald Trump’s  not running.

“You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool…well maybe not cool, but they did things like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon.” – Joe Bauers, Idiocrasy

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