There is No Batman

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Imitation is the sincerest form of Republicanism. When Ronald Reagan was President, they all wanted to be Ronald Reagan. Stare blankly off into space stutter and throw out that Hollywood non-sequitur. “I served in Hollywood during the war for your type Sonny. So don’t go  asking me about import quotas.”  The question is not to be or not to be, but what to be, or who can I pretend to be? Captain Reagan war hero and Los Angeles playboy or Captain Jimmy Stewart flying a B-17 over Berlin. One really was the other was only pretending to be. Reagan brought Hollywood to Washington. Trump brought reality TV. Reagan was looking for optics; Trump is only looking for ratings. Nixon wasn’t overly concerned how it might look him stepping off the plane in China. “Hi mom! (And all my right-wing fans back home) Look everybody; I’m visiting a Communist country!”

A political fail not oft repeated but Trump has brought marketing and mud wrestling. I walked into a club and the guy playing music had something on his guitar. “I asked what that was, and he proudly and eagerly explained, “I paid $35 plus freight to send my guitar to Florida and have it autographed by Donald Trump.” I put on my reading glasses to get a better look. “Oh yes, I see it, sure enough. Donald Trump personally autographed your guitar.” They said he autographed it, but you never know, he replied. “Very nice,” I said and moved on thinking about Carroll Shelby autographing Mustang glove box doors and giving the money to charity versus Larry, Darrell, Darrell and Trump at anything for a buck Industries. I can’t wait  to see the orange mop model playing Sturgis next year, Sign your wife’s tits for $35 two for one Mormon special!

Did anyone else notice at Hurmph events there are always vendors selling flags and Tee shirts and all manner of disturbing garb and memorabilia? Who does that? Who sets up a Halloween store at every event? Is this a contract a franchise or independent vendors? Even the originators of Trumpism were never this clever. “Yah! Das Herman Goering Tee shirts are selling like hotcakes! Und we are almost out of “Hess go to hell”  and “Kiss me I’m a Nazi” coffee mugs.” Eventually devolving down to playing the trade show circuit sitting between Pete Rose and Bo Jackson. “Take your pick kid, A naked picture of my (Missing: See nearest milk carton for details) wife or a facsimile of the Constitution. Okay Kid; which one do you want me sign? Come on kid; we don’t have all day here.”

Florida Governor and reasonable facsimile of a Right-wing strong man Ron DeSantis studied at the feet of the master. He’s introducing his own line of merchandise in anticipation of a 2024 Presidential run if Hurmph don’t run, and the pigs can be brought down to a reasonable flying weight. “I luv the Guv” beer koozies, you can tell they put  a lot of creative energy into this project. “Fire Fauci” now, that’s talent. “Keep Florida Free!” (From building inspections) One man, no vote! Talking the talk and dancing the dance and hoping the audience accepts him as a second Darrin and not reject him as a Ted McGinty. He can talk just like Hurmph and act just like Hurmph, but will the audience accept him as Hurmph?

Reagan taught them outrage, “Look Sonny, I didn’t fight in the Battle of Beverly Hills so some pin head like you could tell me we’re late!” That is the easy part; Reagan could also do Grandpa Walton expressing disappointment, “John boy’s been caught selling drugs at school again. But he tells me he’s learned his lesson this time and feels awful sorry about it and won’t do it anymore.” Find a problem, make it worse and then tell America Grandpa will kiss the boo, boo, and make it all better. Not everyone can get away with that.

Dan Quayle’s career ended over “Potato” but it would have ended over something else eventually. If the voters don’t like you, they can’t sell you. Newt Gingrich talked his way in until he talked so much, he talked his way right back way out. And then there was  Sarah Palin, the silver bullet through the heart of the McCain for President campaign. A character from a situation comedy gone wrong,  a sort of “Friends” for morons and America wasn’t buying any. McCain said picking Palin was the biggest mistake of the campaign. No duh, Nostradamus!

The Republicans love that big orange ape and don’t want anything else but the big orange ape. When they want Mountain Dew you can’t give them Doctor Pepper. The big orange ape says, “Well kind of sort of maybe. It’s too early to tell. You know they stop sending money if you say you’re not running. So were still studying the situation and haven’t come to a final decision.” Hurmph holds the key, but it is not transferable. They want Trump and if Trump ain’t runnin they ain’t got no second choice! Ain’t none of them Trump! IF Batman quits gets fired or otherwise decides to hang up his spurs , Robin doesn’t automatically get his job. According to Republican pollsters there is no Batman waiting in the wings. Only want to be’ s one hit wonders, summer replacements and Robins.

“It may be history, it may be only a legend, a tradition. It may have happened, it may not have happened: but it could have happened. It may be that the wise and the learned believed it in the old days; it maybe that only the unlearned and the simple loved it and credited it.”
― Mark Twain

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