By David Glenn Cox
Once upon a time American politicians referred to those of the other party as “The loyal opposition.” That’s out the window; I guess. Perhaps replaced by the “Screwy opposition” or “The disloyal, reprehensible opposition.” In retrospect, they never really were the loyal opposition. They supported segregation and they supported child labor. The fought against unions and against environmental legislation. They fought against seat belts in cars and air bags. They fought against schools, hospitals and libraries. They fought to preserve cigarettes and dirty Diesel engines. They fight to defend your second amendment right to own a hand gun no matter what the doctors at the hospital say. You cannot call that loyal.
But everyday as the clock ticks the Republicans inch further and further from the American mainstream. (Bye!) Americans have notoriously short memories probably due to over stimulation. Joey Buttafuoco, let’s see, he was a quarterback or a mob figure from New Jersey. In this river of infotainment, it all slips by so fast replaced by the new and improved, now with extra more stuff!
“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8:00 to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.”
― Groucho Marx
We’re too busy to take care of our own Pet Rock, so we downloaded an ap to our phone to take care of her for us. You think you got problems, poor Brittiny Spears perpetually twelve years old and told to pick up her room, sign the check and eat her vegetables. Obviously, they have been led astray by the orange pied piper and one day soon will awake to find themselves all alone in the deep woods. Rob Portman has a great idea, instead of making billionaires pay their fair share in taxes how about instead, you pay for it! Stripping the infrastructure package of funding through higher IRS tax collection. There is no way you can call that loyal, no way. If I were running against Portman my campaign ad would feature the famous pointing Uncle Sam. “Rob Portman says billionaires are busy, “YOU PAY FOR IT!”
Americans struggling to make ends meet and struggling to get by and Portman thinks they should pay more not billionaires. Single mothers with children, the handicapped and the elderly. (Shiftless lazy bastards.) He doesn’t even have a cover story. “Higher taxes on billionaires have been known to cause cancer in lab rats and we just can’t take that chance.” (Lab rats are an expensive and higher form of life.) He doesn’t even have a cover story because in the end you know why he did it. He just smiles and waves.
The really shocking fact about Representative Mo Brooks is that he represents Huntsville, Alabama. Huntsville is where NASA is located. It would be similar to MIT being represented by Steve Doocey. Brooks lives by the mantra, “It’s never too stupid for Alabama.” He’s warning Joe Biden against mandating vaccines for military members. (Hint: this is how you can tell Brooks has never been in the military.) They order you to do stuff all the time. They got the whole place set up like that. Recruits are given a full battery of inoculations, and no one asks their opinion or their religious persuasion. Brooks brays “ The vaccine is experimental.” That’s true and statistically you have a better chance of winning the lottery on your birthday than you have of dying from the vaccine.
But the threats to our safety and our freedoms are everywhere. Masks are dangerous. Masks are made out of cotton. Those little cotton fibers can get in your lungs! There might even be dyes in there and that will get in your lungs and KILL YOU! As many of you already know it gets warm in Alabama, and those masks can cause heat stroke! “He come out of the State Store man with two bottles of tequila under his arm man, and it was juss too much for him man. He just fell out eight feet from the truck hit the ground and broke both bottles!” Another senseless avoidable mask related tragedy. Oh, the humanity! Sending our boys to storm the beaches and die wrapped in deadly cotton.
Right wing pustule in the armpit of existence Rick Wiles calls for a Civil War. I want you to note, people calling for Civil War always say stuff like this.
“Let’s meet at Gettysburg [and] get this over with,” he added. “That bunch of sissified lefties would never come out and meet real men. Never. They’re cowards. They’re a bunch of cowards that never would come out and face real men. They’ll never do it. They’re nothing but stinking cowards. I’m fed up with putting up with their crap.”
“Let us, “You” meet at Gettysburg. “I” will be back at the house cashing checks. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and I’m a Trump supporter. So, I will accept the challenge Mr. Wiles. You name the place and time. ( E-mail sent.) One on one cage match. Eat before you come because you won’t be hungry afterwards. And bring your lunch money…I plan on taking it away from you as I whoop your ass like your momma should have. I’m gonna knock you down like a freshman at a keg party and put a mark on you Tide won’t wash off. Not because you are a bigoted loud-mouthed asshole but just to teach you a lesson about freedom. I have the freedom to ignore you. When you call for insurrection and Civil War, you are disturbing my freedom to ignore you.
But this is who they really are, school yard bullies and loud-mouth punks always crying and wringing their hands about the state of the world. Unwilling to lift a finger or spend a nickel to fix it. The sky is falling! The Indians are coming! The Communists are coming! The Mexicans are coming! Someone’s been wearing my tin foil hat! There is a pod under my bed and the faucet talks to me at night! We don’t have one scintilla of care or interest in the American people. We’re here to represent the people who sent us here. Liars, polluters, billionaires, tax defrauders, foreign corporations, scammers, bigots, the people dedicated to scaring the public into voting Republican. And of course, the folks that just don’t know any better.
“We in America today are nearer to the final triumph over poverty than ever before.”
― Herbert Hoover