Darwin One, Republicans Nothing.

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I was asked what we should do about those dastardly Republicans. I answered, “point and laugh.” Not that our issues are comical, but that the opposition is comical. If the Republican Party were a nuclear reactor right now it would be time to pull the fuel rods and run for it. The Trump affect has taken hold; it’s the reason you eat Trump Steaks. The reason you fly Trump Airlines and the reason you study hard at good ole Trump U. (Go! Orange Slumlords!) We have an expression down south, “That boy could fuck up a cinderblock with a foam rubber hammer.” Just add him with water and three cups of sugar and presto chango, instant Clusterfuck!

Kevin McCarthy, the little boy from The Wonder Years all grown up, could have had a bipartisan commission on January 6th. But like a child vowing never to eat his vegetables he screams and runs from the table crying about what meanies we all are. The Republicans could have had equal numbers, and Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t have any say about it, but no. McCarthy was going to fight this to the end. You win, you get a non-bipartisan commission without equal members or subpoena power. I guess you sure showed us. So, McCarthy names Screwy and Louie (Kevin Banks and Gym Jordan) to represent the disloyal opposition in the hope that two stand-up comedians would spoil the decorum of the room. Nancy Pelosi boots them through the uprights like a 50-yard field goal vowing, not until they are house broken. (Remember, they did this to themselves!)

McCarthy responds with, “Wha? You mean you can do that?” He responds like any self-respecting six-year-old by kicking over the game board and saying, “Then, I won’t play! Nah!” Withdrawing the entire slate of candidates. “And you can’t make me! So there!” Nancy Pelosi then invites Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney to sit on the commission. Your move Kasparov. Would you like to try and throw the football through the basketball goal now or maybe take your bicycle swimming? Like images flickering from the silver screen Buster Keaton and the Keystone cops running at breakneck animated speeds.

The Delinski Twins, AKA mean Marge Greene and gruesome Matt Gaetz went out on their “Save America” tour and lost money. This isn’t like setting up a Pink Floyd concert, it’s just the hotel room the eats and you. Really more like pan handling in a three-piece suit. Hunting only in areas with abundant red strawmen Gaetz and Greene lose money. It appears what America wants to be saved from is Gaetz and Greene.

Gaetz, facing I touch little girls and pay them money charges hires former a Jeffery Epstein attorney while maintaining his innocence.  The visual is stunning, Alan Hale Jr. hitting Bob Denver with his hat but having faith the orange Professor will somehow get them off Gilligan’s Island. Greene stripped of committee assignments has the ultimate Republican no show job. She just heckles and fundraises, acting as a hostile witness for the defense in the Scopes Trial, but the old Republican adage says, “To whom much is given, take more!” As six Republicans in Michigan use Covid funds to give themselves and their friends (all Republicans) thousands of dollars in bonuses. One maintained he’d earned the money, working through those long weekly meetings. One maintained, she didn’t even know she’d voted herself a bonus. “Wha? For me?”

That makes me mad that Bill Clinton stuff, “I tried it, but I didn’t inhale.” What’s worse a crooked politicians accepting graft or a politician too stupid to know she was accepting graft? The judge knew though and ordered them to give the money back. It will be election time soon; I wonder what we will talk about?

Kevin McCarthy is under pressure from the Free dumb caucus to retaliate against Kinzinger and Cheney for accepting positions on the committee. There you go, that’s a good boy. Attack each other for a while and maybe strip them of committee assignments then you’ll have three non-voting members! Maybe eventually, they will strip each other from all committee assignments and protest by not showing up at all. They must act, Kinzinger and Cheney are disloyal, standing up for democracy like that. They’ve got to fight, fight, fight! Those dirty nasty policemen were attacking those poor innocent tourists.

We told them to wear a mask, but they didn’t want to wear a mask and concocted the most absurd reasoning for not wearing one. They don’t want a shot, that’s twenty times worse than wearing the mask. It was going to be all over by Easter. It would just melt away and disappear in the spring. The Delta variant is now ravaging the ranks of the unvaccinated and they have no one to blame but themselves. The effort was to deny Joe Biden a victory, mission accomplished fellas! Boy, you sure showed us!

In the recent New Mexico special election, Republican’s claimed their voters didn’t show up to vote concerned with the legitimacy of the election. Good job fellas, convince your people it’s all crooked and then wait on voters over sixty to rise up.  The issue is nature versus nurture, were they dropped on their heads as children or simply taught to be money grubbing morons? Personally, I think they just respond to stimulus. They look for something to get everyone riled up about and then run as far as they can with it. Terry Schiavo, Benghazi, birth certificate,  Hunter Biden, and CRT. Abortion, Bible thumping, war on Christmas, war on Gay people, war on Latinos.

The Trump affect has taken hold, it’s the reason you eat Trump Steaks. The reason you fly Trump Airlines and the reason you study hard at good ole Trump U. (Go! Orange Slumlords!) We have an expression down south, “That boy could fuck up a cinderblock with a foam rubber hammer.” Just add him with two quarts of water and three cups of sugar and presto chango, instant Clusterfuck!

They are undone,  clowns dodging baseballs while waiting to be dunked. No goals except to exacerbate and confound. No vision beyond the six o’clock news. No concern except for themselves. Darwin One, Republicans nothing.

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