By David Glenn Cox
Whether leading the charge in the imaginary border war or lending his talents as a structural engineer and dutiful mourner, Ron DeSantis is Johnny the spot. Why after a building falls down, he’s there concerned and dower leaving no camera lens unlooked into. Before the building falls down…he couldn’t care less. When he’s not trying to Jimmy democracy Boss DeSantis tries putting the screws to the cruise line Industry outlawing the vaccination mandates. “Come on, come on, load the boat. Let’s get things moving here! (Moo) You don’t need no vaccination, just get your fat ass on the boat!” One in five new Covid cases this week originate from Florida like oranges and sunshine.
A state dependent on travel and tourism at the height of vacation season (What’s that?) finds it’s self on the front lawn of Covid Chernobyl. The Governor deploys the National Guard to Texas while fighting mask mandates at home. Taken kicking and screaming through the process, declaring war on the state Health Department, and trying to uncrunch the numbers by lying about them. He’s not running Florida; he’s running for President. All in anticipation that the orange gibbering idiot (Suspect #1) doesn’t run in 2024. And he won’t run, all the stories mentioning Twump are about things he did in the past, as in the rearview mirror. As in, no longer current events and more of a hysterical footnote. “Come on baby, let’s do the twist!” This is pet rock and hula-hoop country!
Sarah Sander’s (No more living on daddy’s name Ms. Huckabee) candidate for Governor of Arkansas blames Liberals for the low vaccination rate. “Always pushing their book learnin on us and telling to point the fireworks away from our face and stuff. That’s the reason we ain’t vacsa, vacsa, got the shot yet. We ain’t against science or shots or nothing, we’s just afraid of mind control. Biological warfare inspired by the devil himself.”
If at any time during the flight you feel unwell, there is sanitary bag supplied in the seat pouch directly in front of you. Please be advised: Due to Covid -19 restrictions the bag has been removed for your safety, choke it back snowflake. Josh Hawley, panderer, peddler, and pariah has introduced new legislation because he loves America. Don’t you love America? Well, maybe so, but not as much as Josh loves America. With inspiration from on high he’s decided to call his legislation, “The Love America Act” Pretty clever, don’t you think? Now, you understand about the barf bag. To promote patriotism in a bag. I mean in a classroom. (An episode of Highway to Heaven and Touched by a Republican all rolled into one.) Requiring students (They are going to love you for this!) to memorize passages from the Declaration of Independence, the pledge of allegiance and the Constitution. Then when they are 13, the kid can read from the Constitution, and we’ll have a big party. Grand pa cries; “My grandson reading from the Constitution, oh happy day that I should live to see this!”
Let’s promote patriotism in patriotic education. Let’s take another minute to feel good about ourselves and never mention the other stuff. You know it wasn’t just the Chinese and the Irish laborers who built that Transcontinental railroad, it was you and me! “No, I’m pretty sure it was just the Chinese and the Irish.” When George Washington froze at Valley Forge, we were there too! “No, we weren’t, not even on the weekends.” Afraid to peddle history they peddle patriotism and loyalty. “I love my freedom so much; I want to wrap it up and give it to the Fuhrer.” After voting against certifying a lawful Presidential election and encouraging sedition and insurrection. Josh spent the Fourth of July calling America “the greatest nation in the history of the world.” And why not, where else in the world could a Josh Hawley get his picture online for anything besides, “Village Missing Idiot.” A desk clerk at the Bates Motel looking for a long-term relationship.
Speaking of relationships, I’m not trying to be Jimmy Stewart with a broken leg here. But someone very close to Suspect #1 is missing. No public appearances, no supper market openings, just vanished. Gone for weeks, how long can it take to visit your mother in prison? From “Be Best” to be quiet. All I’m saying is maybe it would be prudent at this point to look around for any new landscaping or brickworks on the property. This is the women who redesigned the Rose Garden she would know about landscaping or becoming landscaping, “Be Best and water regularly.”
If you need a friend, get a dog. Republicans don’t have friends, they have donors. If you have a hurricane, they’ve got your paper towels. If you’re homeless they say, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” If there is a shooting, they send thoughts and prayers. If you are caught using the same drugs as a Republican Congressman with his teenage…date. They say, “Book em Dano!” If an Apartment building collapses, they say, “That’s no reason to do building inspections.” Insisting, you don’t need a mask or a shot. Then when the Covid rates spikes 300% say, “oh wait, you should really get the shot.”
But it is too late for that now. Republicans and Faux News lied, and people died.
“If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public libraries. These libraries should be open to all—except the censor. We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the Bill of Rights is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty. –John F. Kennedy