The Magical Fish Story Tour

Falling through the unvierse at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Nikki Fried, Florida Agriculture Commissioner says, the Health Department is withholding Covid -19 numbers from over the weekend by the, “Governor’s Health Department.” Only, the governor doesn’t have a Health Department. The state of Florida has a Health Department, but it doesn’t belong to Ron “Crash and burn” DeSantis. DeSantis attempts to do what he does best, dodge responsibility for the mess he has created. It was back in December when DeSantis fired Rebekah Jones, and executed a search warrant on her home where she was arrested by police with guns drawn. Jones was accused of the heinous crime of accessing the Florida Department of Health messaging system. “That’s for emergency use only!”

It makes you wonder why we did away with hanging. Jones only flimsy argument was she was being pressured by the Governor’s office to fudge the Covid-19 numbers. The numbers from the last time Florida’s Covid cases were a national disgrace. And because she refused, cops at the door with guns drawn. “Is this your gum wrapper we found in the street?” Book her, Dano! Felony littering! These people make me sick. But Nikki’s hip to the jive, the governor will give us his numbers from his Health Department when he feels like it. When he’s good and damn ready! Probably just as soon as we stop paying attention.

Bully the cruise line operators, smile for the cameras. Send the National Guard to Texas, smile for the cameras. Fire state employees that give you grief and smile for the camera. When disaster strikes look sorrowful, do nothing. You can see a DeSantis Presidency from here. One unmitigated disaster after another blamed-on employees or partisans. (Don’t forget to order paper towels.) Sound at all familiar? A state on the cusp of an environment existential threat with a pro-fossil fuel Governor. A state leading the nation, yet again, in new Covid-19 cases with an anti-mask Governor.

Matt Gaetz was over forty years old before he had a high school girlfriend. So it should not be surprising really, that he should claim to have the “Freedom Variant” of Covid-19.  The state is on fire with new cases, and he says something so childish and disconnected. “I have the Freedom Alzheimer’s! I have Freedom Cancer!” Beyond stupid, beyond useful and beyond belief. It seems this Freedom variant has the greatest effect on cognitive ability. A mime dancing and playing, passing out balloons in the intensive care unit. Perhaps Gym Jordan has the Freedom variant as well, he is suddenly having cognitive difficulties. He can’t seem to remember if he spoke to Twump before or after the insurrection. “Let’s see, did I call the Fire Department before or after the fire?”  

Roll up, roll up for the Magical Fish Story Tour! Picture yourself in a town full of Proud boys with tangerine rednecks with blood in their eyes. Somebody calls you; you answer quite slowly hit with a flagpole right between the eyes. Trumpy in the sky with liars! Trumpy in the sky with liars!

Newspaper Foxtoids of Yellow and Green waiting to take you away. Climb in the back with your head in the clouds and your gone.  Trumpy in the sky with liars! Trumpy in the sky with liars!

Mark Meadows visits the Confederate Insurrectionist Capitol at Mira Lago, and implies Trumpy has formed a shadow cabinet. Which is ironic, since Trump had a shadow cabinet while in Washington. When you’re Mister Know It All, the last thing you need is a bunch of experts hanging around with their college degrees and opinions gumming up your gut genius. Trump didn’t like cabinet meetings when he was the President. What Meadows is actually saying is a bunch of hangers on are willing to blow smoke up the old guy’s butt. If it will get them approval and maybe written into the will.

Madison Cawthorn, North Carolina’s answer to Steve Urkle quickly drops hints that he is a part of the shadow cabinet. (Bevis and Butthead want to hang out with Todd cause he’s cool) That’s a relief, for a minute there I thought that they were serious about this. Cawthorn is shadow Secretary for Speechifying, Stunting and online dating. Perhaps Marge Greene for Press Secretary and Malaria Twump in charge of Foreign Relations (shithole countries) Lindsey Graham for Secretary of women’s clothes, foundation garments and groveling.

Twump and the Republicans in Congress  attempting to duplicate a hallucinogenic fantasy. Attempting to make the insurrection disappear like David Copperfield would make a bus disappear. Like Ron DeSantis makes Covid – 19 disappear. Like Twump makes money and careers disappear.  Watch now, the hand is quicker the lie!

Expert, texpert choking smokers
Don’t you think the joker laughs at you (ho ho ho, hee hee hee, hah hah hah)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide
I’m crying

Semolina Pilchard
Climbing up the Eiffel tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe

I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
Goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob
Goo goo g’joob, goo goo goo g’joob, goo
Joob, joob, jooba
Jooba, jooba, jooba
Joob, jooba
Joob, jooba

Umpa, umpa, stick it up your jumper (jooba, jooba)
Umpa, umpa, stick it up your jumper
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody’s got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody’s got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody’s got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody’s got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)
Everybody’s got one (stick it up your jumper)
Everybody’s got one (umpa, umpa)

-Lennon and McCartney (As if I need to tell you, but rules are rules!)

Jooba! Jooba!

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