Standards of Conduct

To warm up the crowd, Twump does his famous one handed drinking trick.

By David Glenn Cox

Shocking, just shocking, an administration filled with lies and deceit also has sticky fingers. The State Department reports “Hundreds” of items missing, many with Twump branding from the gift vault. At first, the New York Times reported that a $5,800 bottle of whiskey gifted to Mike Pompeo from the Japanese Government was missing.  The whiskey was gifted on June 24, 2019, but Mike Pompeo has no recollection of it or recollections after it. (Which is normal) If I drank a six-thousand-dollar bottle of whiskey and remembered it…well. But Pompeo was in Saudi Arabia at the time. (Someone check his pockets.) The problem arises when the boss steals. When the boss steals, that’s the cue for everyone to join in.

In September of 2018, Twump flew to France to honor fallen US veterans, but it was raining that day and Twump debated, “honor fallen veterans and get his hair wet?” When the news came out, that Twump chose hair, the administration  was forced into some serious reality juggling. “It was a security issue; we couldn’t land the helicopter, and we had a low tire light on the limo. ” So instead, they motored back to the historic embassy on the very same roads it wasn’t safe to honor Veterans on. Where the Don did some shopping back at the embassy Free store. At Le Grande Embassy du Flea Market of Paris, he found a portrait and matching bust of Ben Franklin he liked, along with some silver figurines. Twump assured the ambassador the items would be returned after the 2024 election, the theoretical end of a second Twump term.

A billionaire big shot mesmerized by the bobbles. Mesmerized into believing he could take whatever he wants, and he wants everything. The Yankee tourist in Tiajuana loading up on piñatas and sombreros. As the refrain, you can’t buy class, reverberates in our ears.  I wonder where those items are now? Europe was a poor fit for Twump. His tuxedo for his dinner with Queen Elizabeth was supplied by Earl’s House of Formal Wear and wholesale transmission rebuilders.  A one, two punch as the trip ended quietly. The queen of England with her well-practiced royal aplomb. Making the brain damaged, two-bit saddle tramp cowboy look like a brain damaged, two-bit saddle tramp cowboy, with shit on his shoes in a rented tuxedo.

The queen whispering under her breath, “Come here dick head, let me make you look like shit. Stand here next to me.” Never in the field of human photography, has one woman done so much for so many. In every photo, the queen looks dignified, demure, and graceful. Making Twump look like the redneck from Arkansas, who just won a contest to meet Richard Petty with two free cases of Budweiser beer thrown in and a gift card worth fifty gallons of Sunoco gasoline. You can’t buy class, and you can’t paint it on. If you could, Twump would require two coats.

It is symbolic of the Twump Administration, how could they not have petty theft in their toolbox as well? If it were a bingo card, petty theft would almost be a free space. I can see the Biden’s on their first day in the White House asking, “Isn’t it supposed to be furnished? Wasn’t there carpet in here?” I would recommend that a full inventory be done as soon as  possible. Check all shipping manifests for weighted packages marked “personal” sent to Florida. Check all the bathrooms to make certain there is still toilet paper on the rolls and fixtures connected to the walls. Check all the bedrooms for light bulbs. I’d even check Air Force One to make certain it still had all its engines and returnable soda pop bottles.

By God, sometimes it’s hard to hate the guy, but I find a way. Damn near Batman super villain status. From stealing the pennies off a dead man’s eyes to international Blackmail. This is a criminal with all the tools! Graft, deviant behavior, cunning and conniving. If you’re waiting on Twump at Denny’s and he says he forgot his wallet in the car and will be right back, call your manager. No crime above him or beneath him. From treason to trespassing, no one cares about Al Capone’s driving record. And after the boss fills his larder, so will everyone else.

A criminal past to make the most heinous criminal blush as an amateur. Bankruptcy, tax fraud, crooked land deals, “I’m here to tell you that it’s safe to invest your money in Kazakhstan. Look at me! I’ve only been here ten minutes and already earned a million dollars!” Twump didn’t know it was a crooked deal; he always gets a million dollars for cutting the ribbon at a  supermarket opening.  Filing cabinets and computer memories filled with the criminal past of Donald Twump. Lawyers on staff working full time forty hours, just cover his criminal tracks.

He’s gone far beyond Batman super villain status and has achieved a level of criminality rivaling the most famous criminals in history. The Comic Relief orange super villain, the Joker jumping subway turnstiles with his grease paint gang trying to save on fares. Look out Guinness Book of World Records. A candidate for cheapest son of a bitch in the world is pressing for recognition. Many Ex-Presidents find retirement homes in nice neighborhoods. Twump moves into a hotel he owns that doesn’t allow long-term guests. So Twump names himself a resident employee working for himself. Some buildings have a resident manager this one has a resident ex-President, who works there for himself, on call, 24 hours a day.

I guess that’s why I’d make a lousy billionaire. I’m willing to learn, but I’m not willing to steal. Well, I’m willing to steal, but only if is just the one time. I wouldn’t want to make a career out of it. Or maybe it explains why I’m not a billionaire or would not want to be. I warn you now, do not trust me with you’re twenty million dollars. I will disappear and you’ll never find me, but I won’t steal your wallet. I’ll pay for my share of the pizza. I won’t jump subways turn styles and I won’t swipe the bric-a-brac off the coffee table or the pictures off the walls. Even a Batman super criminal, should have some standards of conduct. “Hey, my weed is missing!”

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