By David Glenn Cox
The crowds appeared as if out of nowhere, they are all well behaved and joyous singing and chanting. The White House is surrounded by a sea of upward of a million people. The crowds littered with Trump signs and Trump flags. The roads are lined with people all the way up to the Capitol building. The greatest outpouring of Washington humanity, since the end of World War II or maybe ever. Military bands marching spontaneously, while fighter jets streak over head. Very soon, Marine one is expected to return Donald Trump to the White House with his new Vice-President Mike Lindell. This was a courtesy extended to the outgoing Biden Administration. The President had issued a “pack your shit and get out” order but was allowing the Biden’s extra time to find a rental truck on a Saturday.
Political experts and insiders said they were all crazy, lunatics and out of their heads! That is, until Vice-President Lindell, showed up with his ultra-secret evidence and submitted it to the Supreme Court. That North Korea, along with the help of our NATO allies, the Deep State, Antifa, Atheists and Liberals, stole the Presidential election. In a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court voted unanimously to immediately award the White House to Donald Trump.
There’s a parade planned with military vehicles for later this afternoon, and in his first executive order, President Trump has revoked all mask mandates. The President is expected to speak to the nation tonight exclusively on, One America Network. “One America Network”- The official network of the Trump Administration! If you heard it here, it could be true! Faux News will be airing a one-hour special tonight, “Why we were so wrong to ever doubt you.” And in a move of penance, has offered to kill the first-born children of all their News anchors.
Messages of congratulations have been pouring in from all over the world. President Macron of France said, “Where is your wife been? We haven’t seen her around in a while?” Vladimir Putin cabled, “Nice work Potsy, you couldn’t have done it with out me, ha, ha.” The North Korean President said, “Stop by, if you’re ever in the neighborhood, we’ll do lunch.” European allies have been offering to scrap the Paris Climate Treaty in an apparent move of reconciliation. The European Parliament in Brussels, issued a statement. “Maybe you’re right, it’s only the environment.” Greta Thunberg was quoted as saying, “Oh, happy day!”
The Taliban has surrendered in Afghanistan, and illegal immigrants are streaming out of the country, opening up thousands of low wage jobs Americans don’t want to do. The President in response to the labor shortage suggests raising the minimum wage from the current $7.25 per hour to $7.50 then to wait five years and see if it worked.
Nancy Pelosi and top Democrats are believed to be in hiding in a secret underground bunker complex belonging to Hillary Clinton, somewhere high in the Pocono’s. Lots of summer fun and great entertainment at competitive prices! With the Democrats absent, Kevin McCarthy was named Speaker of the House and issued a joint proclamation along with Mitch McConnell, naming August 13, 2021, as Trump Reinstatement Day, and renaming the Washington Monument, the Trump Freedom Pylon.
In a related story, hospitals across the country are reporting a steep decline in new Covid-19 cases. Patients are spontaneously feeling better and going home. Just knowing that Trump was back in Washington has cowed the disease into retreat. Doctor Fauci saying, “What the hell do I know?”
Schools can now reopen without mask mandates. Our children can attend schools and hear the great history of this great nation (within certain guidelines, of course) How we came to this barren Continent naked, but unafraid. And with the help of some African fellows, we’d met along the way and had taken into our employ as interns, built the America you see before you today! An America for everyone, but mainly for White people! From the mountains to the prairies to the oceans white with snow! Where any racial minority can rise to be a side kick in any Hollywood movie franchise, die first in a Sci-Fi adventure or participate in the athletic event of their choice.
The Nobel Committee is meeting tonight in a special midnight session to consider awarding the new President it’s peace prize retroactively, along with a letter of apology. The Pulitzer committee is meeting in New York and is expected to award “The Art of the Deal” it’s top prize on Monday. The January 6th committee has been disbanded, along with all investigations into President Trump’s taxes and finances. Time Magazine will feature President Trump on it’s next six covers.
President Trump has begun to name his new cabinet, Ivanka Trump as Secretary of State. Donald Trump Jr. as Secretary of Defense, and Eric Trump as Secretary of Shiny things. Trump plans an aggressive agenda of voter suppression and support for payday lenders, with a special emphasis on reducing environment controls making America Great again! Just like in the good ole days when America was racist and filthy. When the Dairy Queen had two windows and the movie theater had a balcony. Back when a billionaire was a billionaire! Back when a black man on a golf course meant he was looking for his lawn mower.
A Memo: from inside the head Donald Trump. Not to be confused in anyway with the current reality. Or with any characters living or dead. This is a reality for novelty use only. “There are strange talking pictures in my head!”
“Malaria! There’s a fly in my room. I know, I said I wouldn’t ask you again, but I can’t get him! He’s too fast for me! Come on and get him for me, and I’ll buy you a diamond necklace.”