By David Glenn Cox
As a sort of general rule, I don’t watch Faux Snooze. I wouldn’t have the station on my TV and would block it if it came in for free. But sometimes, you just have to own up and admit it. They earned their minimum wage, and they got me. Now among the terrors of modern-day life is to carelessly click on a You Tube video, without fully considering the possible ramifications. I once made the mistake of casually clicking on video about Lee Harvey Oswald. The You Tube algorithm interpreted that choice to mean; This guy wants to see every single JFK assassination video that has ever made and available on the Internet!
By clicking on the Faux Snooze video, I am alerting the You Tube Internet gods that I’m a sucker, ripe for the picking! The turnip truck just went by and now you’re here. But how could I resist? “Woman in gorilla mask throws eggs at Larry Elder!” I tell you, I’m a victim of circumstances. I just gotta see that! But as we all know, Faux snooze stories can sometimes be misleading. The first words out of their mouths were “Venice Beach, California,” and I said “Shit! Venice Beach! Why didn’t you say that to start with? Which woman in a gorilla mask? The tall one who doesn’t speak English or the fat one with tattoo’s wearing a pink tutu on roller skates?
I regretted my decision already cause; you know how it is when you are watching a movie. And in the movie, they have a newscast and I always think to myself how fake it looks. When it’s simple enough to do a newscast. Like that! It’s not like filming Godzilla destroying Tokyo or the burning of Atlanta. But the Faux Snooze ooze were all there in attendance and animated in a way that was foreign to my eyes. William Shirer was a CBS correspondent in Berlin in 1939. He saw Hitler and the boys when the cameras weren’t on. Every six weeks he had to fly to London to meet with his boss Edward R. Murrow. Shirer was amazed each time by how much of the Nazi propaganda he picked up and accepted, despite knowing that it was all lies.
So, the most important detail pointed out by the Faux Snooze ooze, was that it was a “Black” faced gorilla mask!” Anyone know where I can find gorilla masks in assorted colors? I mean, isn’t black the stock color for your standard, off the shelf gorilla mask? She must have thrown a hundred eggs at Larry Elder. Either that, or she threw one egg, and Faux replayed it 99 times in rapid succession. She kept chunking them and the eggs all kept going to the exact same place every time. At times, the volume of eggs thrown was simply amazing. I was astounded, as a lady in a gorilla mask isn’t really a true oddity on Venice Beach, but to find one carrying a hundred eggs really is!
But with Faux you get outrage. What flavor outrage you want? Righteous and indignant (Cool Ranch) outrage or the burning anger now with (Smokey barbeque flavor) outrage? Why, there is poor Larry Elder. An honest man out minding his own business trying to overthrow a lawfully elected governor. Now, is that anyway to behave in a Democracy? To throw eggs for shame on you, have you no respect for our American institutions? (Cue patriotic fife music.)
I don’t claim to be any sort of expert on California politics. But If I were to list my top three places in California, where I would suspect someone would throw an egg or eggs at Larry Elder. Venice Beach would make that list. Along with Dodger Stadium, where the concessions stands would quickly run out of “Dodger Eggs!” and Knott’s Berry Farm, try our boysenberry eggs!
Can you believe that? (Head shaking sadly) And on an average American street too! I guess some people just don’t respect our freedom. It was hard for me to control my emotions at this point; a part of me was convulsed with laughter, while another part of me was wrenching with nausea. I had had enough and looked no further. I had to evacuate before they took the story to the next level. “Tonight, on Tucker! Is Hugo Chavez really dead? Or could he be behind the missiles fired at Larry Elder! Or possibly by a left-wing Atheist Islamic guerrilla group with radical environmentalist backing! The group is suspected of using the name Al Gorilla Mask. And has been surveilled delivering multiple novelty birthday telegrams, along with flowers.”
Is Joe Biden allowing a leftist guerilla group to operate freely, attacking Conservative candidates? Today it is eggs, but what about tomorrow? Tomorrow it could be chemical weapons or even a dirty bomb, just to stop Conservative ideas and Joe Biden just sits there in the White House and does nothing! These could be Antifa training missions!
Everyone we know is voting for Larry Elder. How about you? Yeah, I thought so I thought a smart person like you would want to vote for him too, everyone does. He’s so, so, uniquely unqualified, and not Gavin Newsom! You know Gavin Newsom imposed a mask mandate and that’s why Republicans want to recall him. Can you imagine that? A mask mandate during a world wide pandemic. He dares to impose on our freedom with his government overreach! It’s my right as an American, to not pitch in and not cooperate, if I don’t want to! It’s my God given right to die needlessly and spread disease, if I so choose!
I went to the CDC website looking for some useful and or otherwise supportive Covid statistics. But there aren’t any. The CDC website describes the Covid transmission rate in one word “Bad!” And “everywhere.” From the mountains to the prairies to the country clubs, white with Republicans. And why is the transmission rate so bad? (Anyone?) Because Republicans believe that masks are ineffective, and the vaccine is just another in a long list of diabolical plots. Plots designed to take over the whole world with millions of magnetized vaccinated zombies with bad haircuts who will force healthcare on them.
Now where did they every get a crazy idea like that? I wonder.