By David Glenn Cox
It’s always fun to be right! Please allow me a small victory lap as it happens so rarely. So, I said, “One of these days, one of those twelve chosen Apostles is gonna haul off and break with the master and turn him in, silver or no silver! Many said, “oh no, we love the master too much! We would never turn on him!” Nobody drinks Schlitz beer anymore either; or dances the Macarena, curb feelers have lost their popular appeal. Ladies no longer wear leopard skin pill box hats. Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors smell in three days.” Ex-presidents might take a little longer, but the stench is horrendous.
Former New Jersey Governor and five-time winner of the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest, Chris Christie. Said this: “face the realities of the 2020 election,” discredit the “extremists in our midst” and “renounce the conspiracy theories.”
“All this lying has done harm to our nation, to our party, and to each other,” he said, and he sought to remind the audience of the Republican Party’s values, (Really?) which he listed as conservatism, faith, decency, integrity, freedom, liberty, competence and truth.” You had better read them out loud, in case anyone has forgotten them over the years. Truth, Justice, and the American way. An America where it’s safe for your grandmother to play the lotto at the liquor store, after midnight!
Oh, my heavens, I do believe the Earth is cracking underneath our feet’s! But before, I find a location along the highway to set up my shop and put up my neon sign – Brother Dave, Reader and Seer of Known truths. It’s kind of like that time when Urie Geller couldn’t get the metal zipper down on his jacket. We were young and impetuous, long haired, wild eyed Southern boys. Hard rock and roll listening, weed smoking, mushroom eating and keg party throwing southern boys and everything was pretty cool! Then these guys started showing up wearing flowerpots on their heads and jumping around like idiots and saying, “We are Devo!”
One of those moments in your life, when you face decisions that you know, will affect you in the years to come. “I think I’ll take the whole four-way hit” or “will you marry me?” It’s all so cool and then overnight, it’s not cool anymore. The day of reckoning comes for us all, you must either put on your flowerpot and dance!
Or you must say, “That’s it, I’m out of here, American Graffiti is over! At least as far as I’m concerned.” Wait! Wait, because in about six months the visual of geriatric Republicans with flowerpots on their heads dancing merrily shouting, “We are Trumpers! We are Trumpers!” And the Republican Party shields its eyes and pretends not to notice.
The rubber band once stretched to the limit must either snap back or break. Governor Christie is either Judas with heavy pockets or he’s dear brother James. (Free Psychic reading, no credit card required!) Chris Christie is about the closest thing (thing) to a friend that Donald Twump has.
Of course, Twump has no friends, but he and Christie have participated for decades in the looting of the well-known and highly respected world of New York and New Jersey construction trades. First, you get yourself elected to high office. Then, in the name of bringing “Jobs” for your community, you take out hundreds of millions of dollars in loans to build luxury casinos and then you co-sign the states name, to those loans.
Then everybody makes a ton of money, the developer, the contractor, the architect ,the builder, everybody. Then after the completion of say, the twelfth, high-rise luxury Casino complex in this three-mile square urban disaster area someone discovers. “Hey! This place is empty!” It’s “Good fellas” in real life, and stops making their payments to the bank. Leaving the state to pay off the balance. It’s what masturbation in concrete would look like. I mention this only because of the unspoken message of Chris Christie. You can’t make money through graft and payoffs, while we’re out of office. And we can’t get Republicans elected, if you keep talking all this BULLSHIT!
It is a well-guarded and unprotected secret that Malaria Trump doesn’t want to return to Washington under any circumstances. Infantigo Twump (Ivanka) warns, “Daddy, those government men are watching my house again! Please don’t run! I’m too pretty to go to jail!” And Jared says, “He is too!” Though secretly fantasizing differently. It’s about the physics not about the psychic, objects at rest tend to stay at rest, while objects in motion tend to stay in motion.
The Twump President Museum and Traveler’s Rest Stop will feature as its premier artifact, the Twump Presidential Lazy Boy chair and remote control display. They might even add a “Twump Experience simulator,” Only $19.95 for three minutes, with an identical lazy boy chair. With a White House backdrop where you can sit in the chair and switch the TV back and forth between Faux News and CNN and get angry, and get your picture taken. Just like the real President!
So it might be, that Chris Christie is laying the foundation for the eleventh hour. I come not to bury Ceasar, but to praise him. But first, I’m going to bury him, and he’s cool with that. People who have said a tenth of what Christie just said about Twump have earned his lifetime, angry laser stare. Yet, Twump says …nothing. He says nothing because this is his old buddy, they’re partners in crime. And besides, Twump doesn’t want to run for President anyway, but he will need an excuse. You can’t use bone spurs all the time.
As I stare down into my crystal ball it is very cloudy, but it is slowly clearing. I can make out a faint orange image of a fat man. He’s counting a great deal of money and laughing to himself. He’s asking for donations right up until. Wait, something is happening! The crystal ball is whirling now, the months of the calendar are flying passed us like an old black and white movie! The orange man is on a podium and looks very sad. He stands so silent; you can hear the photographers’ cameras clicking off screen.
“I have decided to announce today, that I won’t be running for President in 2024. If I had run, I would have most certainly won in a cake walk. But I have been advised by friends, family, and by my fellow co-conspirators, not to run for office for the sake of the Republican Party. For the sake of Party Unity, I mustn’t run . Oh yeah and, I’m keeping your money!”