By David Glenn Cox
It was just a rookie mistake, sad but not unexpected. I imagine it can be exhilarating running for governor in a California recall election. People running around and the phones are ringing, and people asking you questions (yes, make it a combo, no cheese with a Coke.) because as a candidate, “Your opinion matters!” But in all the hustle and bustle and all the excitement, Larry Elder dropped the easy fly ball. The Sarah Palin “gotcha” question. Being his first time running for office, he couldn’t be certain of the running order of things and in an amateur error, conceded the election before the polls had closed.
There is no hurry Larry, take your time. Gather your things up, and someone will drive you home after while. But guess what? In a shocking twist of events! (Dunt, dunt, dunt, da!) Shocking, I tell you, shocking! JFK Challenger accident, shocking! Donald Twump says the California recall election is rigged! Larry Elder answers, ”yeah, I guess so.” Refusing to say whether he would accept the outcome of the election. “Wolf! Wolf!” The little orange boy cried, but fewer townspeople responded the second time around. Without the surrogates around to corroborate, the story sounds a little thin and tinny.
No Rudy, drunk or sober. No Kraken Law team, the best lawyers ever found driving a 2014 Hyundai. No claims of crack, North Korean paratroopers, disguised as Georgia farmers in bib overalls, stuffing ballot boxes in Atlanta. How bad are you getting beat when you claim you are being cheated before the race is even over? It was a long shot candidacy to begin with. California is obviously a liberal leaning state. You can tell by the strict environmental standards, good paying jobs, and consumer protections. That’s why all those loan company ads say (Not Valid in CA.)
It shows the desperation of Donald Twump to inject himself into an issue uninvited. You will note Twump made his remarks from afar. He’s not getting out of his Lazy boy chair or changing time zones to campaign! He knows the microwave is about to ding on this turkey, and the Frisbee is up on the roof for good. Twump can’t help him win or lose, so he does the most Twumpy thing he can do. He tries to make it about himself. To keep his brand humming and keep those cards and letters with donations coming. “The California recall elections are rigged! I should know! They cheated ME TOO! Remember when they cheated ME? I was running for President back in aught 20, and they cheated ME, remember? Come on, sure you do!”
The plan is simple enough, if you discover by a preponderance of the voters that the election is a lost cause, delegitimize it. That way in future, Republicans can whine and cry like children who have dropped their ice cream cone in the sandbox. They can claim to live under a tyrannical, illegitimate Marxist regime forcing health care and rent relief down their throats. It is enough to make you want to stock up on survival supplies. The joke will be on us, when the big one comes and we’re all dead and gone, from the environmental apocalypse. He’ll still be living in his basement avoiding the Zombie cannibals eating dehydrated beans, guaranteed not to spoil for 25 years! The elections might be fixed, but I’m sticking around to see Jesus!
In the end, the Republican Party is radicalized to believe that elections can’t be won by Republicans. Depressing the Republican turnout and proving the old adage; “Elections can’t be won by Republicans.” Would Donald Twump throw the entire Republican Party, baby, bathwater, tub, box of Ivory soap flakes and towel with washcloth out the window, just to feather his own nest? Need I answer that?
A new book is coming out, about the behind the scenes at the White House with Malaria Twump. (No pushing, there’s plenty of copies available for everybody.) “I wake, colors of world like peppermint candy and colors swirling together! Room is spinning counterclockwise, when I put foot on floor. I peel open eyelid after too many valiums and see protestors around the Capitol on TV. Someone one ask for my opinion and I say, “Not my job, husband job!” And I’m sure, that’s just one of the many exciting anecdotes, stories and reminisces!
Those of you old enough to remember when the film, Titanic was released on two video cassettes. Will understand when I say we are on the second cassette of Trumptanic, and the carpet is getting soggy. These are the places you play when you can’t fill the big rooms anymore. With special guest star, Donald Twump. Also appearing tonight, one night only! If you are singing the exact same songs on your new tour that you sang on your last tour, it’s nothing but an oldies act from Branson. The audience that wants to hear them sing old songs is reminiscing and remembering the past.
Anyone remember the Arizona vote recount foisted by Republicans? It just went on and on for months, and then Federal officials began asking questions and requesting documents. The recount was quicky completed, the floor was swept the lights turned out and everyone left town. (Leaving on a Jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again!) Spoiler alert: Joe Biden won the election. No bamboo ballots were found, and Hunter Biden was cleared of all Arizona election tampering charges. The Biden Presidency is safe for one more day.
But the fiasco of the Arizona Republicans won’t be repeated by the California Republicans. This is about Twump glomming on to Larry’s Elder’s last gleaming twilights, not about California politics. Almost an orange cry for help, as it all slips away from him. The story about the old narcissist acting peculiar, isn’t the lead story on the news anymore. It’s the last story on the news. “And that is how Spunky, the lost puppy. Found his way home! And also, in the news; Donald Twump claims the California recall election is fixed. Goodnight.