This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

If your goal in life is to be on every government watch list available, today is your lucky day! If you never had a problem getting through airport security before, today is your day! Are government men talking to your boss with the door closed when you return from lunch? Come on down to Honest Don’s, used insurrectionists and hate group memorial. Conveniently located downtown, just steps away from the White House and always free parking. Don says, “Y’all have fun; I can’t make it today. I’ve got to ah, ah. I’ve got to ah, take Malaria shopping, and then I have to wash the dog. But don’t tell Malaria that I said that.  But you guys go on ahead on without me, and give them what for!”

Just an old man with a brilliant future behind him. Just because the drunk is dancing with a lampshade on his head for attention, doesn’t automatically mean the Party is over. Not automatically at least, but it is a direct signal of intent to crumble after the climactic scene. Orange Grandpa tried to light a fire under poor Larry Elder, to do the whole “Boo Hoo! Part two” in California’s recall election. “They cheated us!” In a state with a two to one Democratic majority, the “no” votes were two to one! Something doesn’t sound right about that!”

But it’s comic sans, a sad old man trying to start a fire with yesterday’s ashes. You can almost smell the desperation, as the sad old man calls violent criminals’- political prisoners. Leonard Peltier is a political prisoner; this is the ravings of a sad old man. Soon to have orange tennis balls on the bottom of his walker and eat his Quarter Pounders with a spoon. “I’m ready for my close up…Mister Deville.”

Officials estimate the turn out for today’s rally could be as high as 700 people. I’d wager it a good day, if they get half that! The National Guard is on standby and cops, like elephants, have long memories. After the Battle of the Little Big Horn, Native Americans were under no illusions as to what would probably happen next. If you kill and maim cops, it might be a good idea to skip the next few outings.

This outing was planned back before the milk soured. The Republicans had packed outrage and a picnic lunch to protest the confinement of violent criminals. “It’s just not fair! These people are losing their jobs and homes, just for behaving in a violent manner! Come on down and lose your home too! Show em you ain’t a scared of a little prison hard time!” Now Twump is already in this up to his eyeballs and there is no backing out now. But for Republicans facing the potential discloser of phone records, they’ve have gone to ground. Mo Brooks is nowhere to be found and neither is Josh Holley. Even Mike Lindell couldn’t make the scene, because when it rains, it pours.

As most of us are aware, brother Mike is facing some rather serious financial headwinds these days. A couple of billion-dollar lawsuits and pillow sales approaching single digits. He had to sell the “My company jet” the other day and cancelled his planned vacation to Neptune. Mike had famously pulled all his advertising from Faux News, after they wouldn’t air an ad for his election symposium and Al Capone vault opening. Famously waving an angry, single finger salute at Faux News executives, and shouting, “You’ll never work in this town again Tirebiter!”

Mike recently submitted four “new” “My Pillow” commercials to the folks at Faux News the other day, and Faux News said, “no.” Thank you, but no thank you. But we do appreciate you stopping by, and for thinking of us first! Best of luck, in your future business endeavors. If you find a My Pillow flyer placed under your wiper blade at the grocery store, you’ll know why. It’s like the cast party for “Springtime for Hitler,”

Rudy Giuliani has to tell America that he’s not drunk. He has to preface his message, “Oh no, not today! No sir, not at this time. I’m not drunk. The left is trying to portray me as a drunk! Sure, I might have had a few, but who doesn’t? Yeah, I brought drunk women to testify before Congress, so? I just had one or two or three, just to hold me over till the liquor stores open at eleven. It’s five o’clock somewhere! That’s my motto, and I make no distinction between AM and PM!”

First the stumble, then the fall. Republican appointees to the Extreme Court moan, “Gee, who politicized the court?” As approval ratings for the court reach an all-time low with the American people. They don’t like the court’s rulings, and they don’t like the Republicans who appointed them to court. Angry messages left on Extreme Court voice mail, “Look, would you guys just shut up please? I’m trying to get re-elected here!”

The polarity has switched, and the milk has curdled. American’s now blame the unvaccinated for new Covid cases rather than the doctors or politicians. The Republican’s repeated and vociferous threats against telecommunication company’s and social media constitute a smoking, nuclear mushroom cloud over January 6th.

When the “Justice for J6” event was first planned many were nervous about the possible return of the Trumpozoids. But this is just your basic intelligence test. “Honey! Me and Bubba is gonna take the new Kia down to Washington to protest the confinement of Twump supporters.”  It’s like the old joke, I gave my wife a mood ring. When it turns blue, it means that she happy. When it’s not blue, it leaves red marks on my forehead. Anyone who attends today’s rally is probably unmarried. And will remain unmarried at least, until reaching Federal Prison. There they are ladies, take your pick! All eligible bachelors and they probably won’t last long!

This is what the collapse of a political Party looks like. It looks like the Berlin skyline in 1945. Bubba Abbott and Death Ray Desantis are killing more Americans than smoking and crack cocaine. The leading cause of preventable death among Covid patients in Florida and Texas is their political persuasion. Twump is calling for them to drink the Kool aid, but the party is over. Almost all the Republicans already knows this, except the one’s that show up for the rally today. No Justice! No Pizza!