This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The problem it seems, is that once you’ve lost your rhythm, is you shimmy when you ought to shake and you boogaloo, when you ought to twist. You’re out there on the dance floor trying to look cool and with it and all. And prove instead, with every step and every beat of the drum, that you’re not. In a not yet perfected formula that goes something like this; the more Republican you are, the less popular you is. Texas Governor, Bubba Abbott’s six week ban on abortion is so popular in the state, it barely carried a majority of Republicans.

It has set in motion a nuclear fund-raising campaign against Bubba in November. He’s drawing “national” opposition money now! He’s the boogeyman who inspires no one. The cheap tin horn politician, no morals, no style, no rhythm. So weak, Beto O’Rourke has awakened from his hibernation early, sensing the smell of a wounded Republican in the air. He moves in stealthy before saying, “Gee, maybe I ought to run?” Too much the man chasing the office and too much the hunter sensing an easy prey. “And that’s why today, I have decided to throw my hat in the ring to be your next governor!”

In Florida, Death ray Ron DeSantis ends the age-old argument. “Is all publicity, good publicity?” His face has now become so attached with needless death that they should put it on Iodine bottles. In East Tennessee, Jack Daniels is the big swinging dick. When Daddy Jack wants something, they generally get something and with a smile. In Florida, the travel industry is the big swinging dick. Carnival Cruise Lines could bank your whole campaign with a single cruise ship. Death Ray, spit in their face and thumped them on the nose.

By outlawing vaccination requirements, Ron put their entire business model in jeopardy. It’s easy for Ron to stand up and say, “You don’t need any of that! Just go on without out it, you’ll be fine.” While the Cruise industry was one outbreak away from out of business. If the Cruise lines didn’t ask for vaccination records, they could be sued for negligence and if they did, they could be sued by Ron. The Cruise lines took the money that they would normally donate to Republican politicians and gave it to their lawyers instead, who went to court winning handily. Two words, Walt Disney.

But Ron figured he would not need those turkeys before long anyway (The Jefferson’s theme!) He was moving on up to the big time. To the Boeings and Raytheon’s of this world with Champagne on tap and billionaires in the hot tub. He shimmied when he should have shook. As is almost always the case, the guy out front gets slaughtered.

Ron thought it was safe. He’d planted his flag as the conservative, among conservatives. He would imitate the orange ape man down to the last grunt. The orange ape man said, you didn’t need a shot or a mask. He was going to stand his ground and fight for a virus and for your God-given right to die senselessly, until he was smothered in needless death. Icarus had flown too close to the sun; Ron flew to close to the orange. Led down the garden path of no return. “After a period of quiet reflection, I have decided to reverse my positions entirely, on both masks and vaccines.” He’d be run out of town in a roller coaster car or crucified on Magic Mountain.

In Idaho, the Republican Governor has taken the phone off the hook and admitted defeat. Swamped by the hordes of “free” unvaccinated Zombies. Eating out the brains of their healthcare system unto collapse. Fortunately for Republicans, Idaho doesn’t have a large media presence. So, Americans won’t see this breakdown as anything but a blurb. It’s far easier to show desperate migrants in the hot sun from a helicopter. It’s a two fer! A way to distract from Republican incompetence killing Americans by the thousands, and an issue to blame on Joe Biden.

We’ve all been there; this is a peril of modern life. Something in the Republican refrigerator is beginning to smell. But the odor is so foul and the stench so powerful, that no one wants to volunteer for the job of removing it. But until you get rid of the foul Twump odor, the refrigerator is useless to you. It’s going to be mighty hard for the Republicans to gin up support for 2022 or 2024 elections, while still crying in their beer over 2020. “We was cheated, we was robbed! Boo Hoo! Everybody is out to get us! Everybody cheats us! The elections are crooked! Vote for me! Thank you!”

Mississippi Governor Trent Despot declares, He will do nothing to stop the virus and promises to remain faithful on that course. “The Lawd protect you child, cause I damn sure won’t.”

Not since Herbert Hoover tried to tell hungry Americans that there was no hunger in America, has a political Party been so dangerously over the edge. With January 6^th hearings in the offing, Mitch McConnell attempts to prove once and for all, that Republican disloyalty and sedition, are not a simple one off. Mealy mouth Mitch declares the Republican’s won’t raise the debt ceiling. With the aim of precipitating crisis, just for the sake of Faux News headlines and being a dick. Nothing accomplished, but just another example of who they are.

Mitch was fine was raising the debt limit by trillions over the last three years. But now, it has got to stop. Let’s knock the economy senseless and into a ditch. The higher the unemployment rate, the better Republican chances are in November! If Joe Biden and the Democrats succeed, we lose. Our only chance is to destroy the economy now. If we can put enough Americans out of work and prolong the pandemic, it won’t matter how bad Trump stinks!