By David Glenn Cox
Throughout and continuing today in the Twump apocalypse, the United States Military has done us proud. I guess all those trillions weren’t wasted after all. They’ve frighteningly shown themselves to be brilliant, professional and most of all loyal, to the founding ideals of our country. The Extreme court practices its best prostitution techniques by saying “Oldsmobile, Oldsmobile,” over and over, trying to get their mouth just right. Publicly shouting, “Buy me a drink Sailor? What? Why is everyone looking at me like that? It’s not really prostitution; it’s just my personal theory of jurisprudence, favors bell bottom trousers and men in white hats with money on shore leave.
I say it was frightening, because cunning men could have used Twump like a porn book at Summer camp. Told him anything and filled his head up with shit like a septic tank. Until he was ready to attack Lithuania to defend Fredonia. (All Hail Fredonia!) They could have told him the aliens were attaching wires to his brain when he slept at night. Drugged the old boy and put him to bed. “It was Twump’s last wish that the generals take over and Mike Pence has agreed and is under house arrest.” You can picket at Nancy Pelosi’s house but let me see you protest at the General’s house after the Coup de tat. You might get arrested or you might just disappear from the face of the earth, forever buried on an unknown soccer field.
A recent tell-all book by one of Twump’s staff, who can remember which? “Four Years the Garbage Man.” Emptying the real stories from real trash cans behind the scenes at the White House, every Tuesday and Thursday! The book claimed, that Twump refused to have anesthetic, while at the hospital. If it meant relinquishing power to little Mikey Pence for even one hour. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Twump was thinking it and flipping a coin, Heads, he’d never wake up and tails, he was wasting his time flipping a coin.
After the failed Coup attempt of January 6th, the Party of flag waving and a strong national defense, now suddenly hates the Generals, and the military. I wonder why? Could it be because they refused to play along? The Party of Law and Order, now rejects both. “And it would have worked too! Except for those damn Generals! ” Republicans refusing to be investigated for the worst crime on the books. They heap scorn on the Generals who refused to play along. Senator Tom Cotton from Hoggville asked General Milley, “Why didn’t you resign?” Emotional high point first planned at breakfast, no matter what Milley had said, Cotton would have gone there. “Did you get that Faux News? Or do we need to shoot it over again?”
Milley for his part calmly offered, that it was his job was to advise the President. That storming out the room and quitting in a fit of pique because he didn’t get his way would be unprofessional and Republican. You see all those ribbons and metals on his chest? He didn’t get those for spelling or perfect attendance. The General steered that bomber right up to its aiming point. (Open the bomb bay doors Hal.) “Bombardier to pilot, target in site in ten, nine, eight…”
The purpose of the hearing was to examine all aspects of the Biden Administration’s failures and was going along swimmingly when the bomb hit without warning. Just a mushroom cloud on the horizon, vaporizing everything, with no survivors who don’t now glow in the dark. Milley explained, that Twump had wanted to leave Afghanistan in November, and be out by January. If you think Joe Biden fucked this up, Twump wanted to leave six months earlier. If you think it was handled poorly now, imagine the cock up six months earlier!
Milley explained, that he wasn’t a fan of the Biden policy either, but followed orders. The Generals didn’t like Twump plan because it was insanity on the half shell and impossible. The very definition of “Cut and Run.” And like a Road Runner cartoon, the Acme Project then blew up in their faces. The more they tried to throw crap on Joe Biden, the more it all pointed back to Twump. All their work and efforts to get their faces on Faux News, was dashed on the rocks of telling too much truth, for the Republicans or Faux News to handle.
The last gasp, the last AMC Pacer out of the factory. Every hour of every day, more and more information of the attempted Twump Coup leaks out. When backed with phone records this becomes “All the President’s Men.” The case is building, and remorseless brains are hard at work on it. In a Coup de tat, there only three possible outcomes. You win, you lose, or you run for it.
If you win, everything is hunky dory. Except those who once helped you now want to replace you. And they know just how to do it too, the same way they helped you! The hardest thing to stop in Coup de tat is the shooting. But if you lose, someone might cash in your life insurance policy, or you’ll get good scratching Roman numerals into the concrete of your cell walls with your fingernails. Remember, “C” equals 100.
In Milley’s eyes, I could see contempt. I could see Gunnery Sargent Hartman, from “Full Metal Jacket.” Eying Cotton and thinking something like, “Boy, If I had your ass on the obstacle course for just five minutes! Now choke yourself maggot!” Real tough guys don’t like little momma’s boys trying to play at acting tough.
Caught between Twix and tween. The Republican Coup of January 6th has failed. The hearing was a rear- guard action designed to protect their retreat. “Oh yeah, what about?” A designated distraction and even that stunt didn’t work. Republicans will now reenact Napoleon’s retreat from the gates of Moscow. Spoiler alert: few survive.
The “Buy me a drink Sailor Court” would have rubber stamped the Twump Coup. Making up some outrageous legal theory about some obscure shipping law from 1807, which justified the Coup. Blissfully ignorant of voting themselves out of business. The last thing a dictatorship needs is a high court. Craven politicians collapsed, selling themselves and us out cheap. Only the United States military said “No!” and refused to go along with the Twump Coup, which made me proud of them. Defending our country from all enemies, foreign or domestic.
Hence it comes about that all armed Prophets have been victorious, and all unarmed Prophets have been destroyed. – Niccolò Machiavelli