Some People Just Like Godzilla

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

This is where I came in, the 1969 Santa Barbara oil spill. This was first really big oil spill that got the public’s attention. Richard Nixon was President and was also from California. (- 1 point California) Like the Vietnam War, television brought the spill into our homes showing us the dead birds and fish. One of the first times we ever looked at where the gas station gets its inventory. Like the butcher shop, we don’t want to know where that lovely bacon comes from. Just filler up and check the oil!

Richard Nixon gave a real nice heartfelt speech and apologized all over himself and vowed to never let it happen again. Think about that. The biggest liar of the mid-twentieth Century, one of the biggest liars to ever wear shoes. Makes a promise and keeps it, banning coastal oil drilling and founding the EPA. Boy howdy, I bet that woke them up in Houston. “He’s doing What!!”

A toxic clean-up was a brand-new industry. Before 1965, the plan before that was just leave it alone and it will go away by itself. Just keep the kids away from there and wait five years before residential development. Environmental Regulation, what’s that? Why can’t a  repair garage store leaking oil drums near the river? And why can’t a dry cleaner dump toxic chemicals down the drain? Corporate America was shocked, America had always loved its corporations. We’re GE; we bring good things to life like toasters, washing machines and nuclear bomb triggers.

“See the USA in your Chevrolet!” Bring your tommy gun we’ll have lots of fun! If Pat Boone will stop singing, I’ll go quietly. It’s got a radio, heater and white walls, fender skirts and fins and mud flaps with reflective playboy bunnies! She gets eight miles to the gallon downhill with no kids in back. But you gotta keep her waxed, if you expect to get that kind of mileage out of her.

When I was young and stupid, I almost bought a Ford Torino with a 428 Cobra Jet engine. Just what I needed to get me back and forth to high school, but Dad said no. Since I needed his financial backing in the deal, that was that, but the environment never crossed my mind.

An environmental cave man society of, “Me change oil, dump on ground!” Corporate America responded to the environmental demands the way any good patriotic Capitalist corporation would respond. They hired an army of lobbyists and left the country, if at all possible. “You’re next Vega is coming from Mexico bitch!”

I once sold Industrial engines for an America corporation. Sixty or seventy years manufacturing in one location, and long before anyone had ever heard the word regulation. So, one day at the board meeting someone mentioned, “You know, if the EPA ever walked in here, we’d be cat vomit.” And so, in recognition of the decades of community support. We leave you as a memorium of Corporate America. A nightmare of a  toxic waste dump. And do hereby officially declare this property abandoned and declare bankruptcy. You may now break the windows. See you next week in Tennessee and we’re hiring! Country boys welcome!

We’re Exxon we bring you good things, like motherhood and flowers and clean restrooms. I saw one commercial the other day with a solider greeting his young daughter in a tearful reunion. Remember, We’re Marathon, and not above using the military to get what we want! Daddies been off fighting oil wars dear, to protect your god given right to drive a Z-28 real slow, in the fast lane.

Their two-prong strategy is pretty basic. Like Disney, they depend on a new audience every seven years. Then you can show Pinocchio to a new audience that’s never seen it before. With one hand they throw money at any politician with a checkbook. With the other hand they try and convince the public. That they are really just great guys, who only want the best for us. You probably weren’t here fifty years ago, to see them fight for your right to smoke cigarettes, during surgery. The tobacco industry was especially good at playing defense, refusing even to admit that cigarettes were harmful.

Thank you for Smoking; it became a societal joke with comedians imitating the tobacco lobby, “You can’t prove that! There’s no proof of that!” Over the years, I’ve seen the gun lobby do it and the hate lobby too. Invert the narrative. “It’s not because I’m saying offensive things; you just hate my freedom and want to discriminate against me. “Those crazy environmentalists are picketing that poor nuclear power plant in Georgia, that no voted for except for the nuclear power industry and Barack Obama.” But in Obama’s defense, it was a different time, pre-Fukushima.

Former President, James Earl Carter could have earned a fine living as a “Brother Jimmy” fortune teller. He warned us during the first oil shock, that if we didn’t get off fossil fuels. We would end up fighting oil wars in the Mideast, and bankrupting the country needlessly. He said that we need to convert to solar power, just as soon as possible. Republicans answered that argument by making fun of Carter’s sweater. Carter put solar panels on the White House roof and Reagan immediately took them off. (-5 points California) Declaring every Tuesday, as Gas Hog Tuesday! “Ah, well, ah,  Nancy says, Z-28’s for everybody and you can cut the catalytic converter off if you want.”

The Trumpizoid tried to loosen environmental standards on automobiles, just because. The first time anyone since creation has tried to weaken automotive fuel standards. To build cars that wouldn’t be legal to sell anywhere else and then blame China. Godzilla isn’t a one off, who only visits us occasionally. Godzilla is at the door everyday with money and inducements. Condemning them, like a junkies living off of that sweet heroin money. Only this junkie won’t just kill himself, he’ll kill us all. They’ll get the money, and they don’t care how many native tribes they have to displace to do it. Environmental spills, that’s the legal department’s job.

“Climate change? There’s no proof of climate change! It’s sunspots! Jesus is in a real bad mood because he hates your Prius. Sorting the recycling pisses, him off. There is no real proof of climate change. It’s those wacky environmentalists again, trying to ruin your job at the Oldsmobile factory. I’ve got a report right here written by scientist hired by the oil company. To present studies, proving conclusively that there is no such thing as man made climate change. And we will spend our last hundred million dollars if we have too, trying to convince the public that there is no such thing. Just like cheap cigarettes and large capacity handguns, wholly owned and supported by the whores of Pro-life Party.

It’s down to them or us kids. The oil companies will mine and drill this rock to a cinder. And check their stock portfolio right up to the very last day. If it means new cars and Gucci Golf bags, vacations and candle lit suppers on the terrace. Oblivious of who must actually pay the bill. Some people just like Godzilla, if he provides them all the material comforts, they think they need. The Bible predicted the end of the world, anyway. So don’t go blaming it all on the oil companies.

There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation. It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.” – Hunter Thompson

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