The Innocent

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Nothing makes me sadder than a sad, sad, story. A tail of woe and of a misbegotten adventure gone wrong. Oh, cruel world how could this ever have happened to me? “You know,” she said, “I think it was a mistake to work for Donald Twump.” Really? Did you figure that out all by yourself in quiet reflection and meditation? Or did NASA help you out with a few hours on the supercomputer?

Stephanie Gresham was the Twump press secretary, who never held a press conference.  She now laments her role in the Administration in her new book, “Oh Shit! I’m Permanently Unemployed.” Suddenly, she’s not so smarmy and smug anymore, I almost didn’t recognize her. “And do you know what else they did? I was against it, of course!”

According to her story, she was just poor hapless victim caught in a web of dark scary people. She tried to do right (On the good ship Lollypop) but was dragged down by the stone. The best description that I’ve heard so far of the Twump disaster, was a burning trash truck, careening out of control headed for the fireworks factory.

I think the best book review ever written, was written by Groucho Marx many years ago. “Your book made me convulse with laughter from the moment I picked up, until I put it down. Someday, I plan on reading it!”

Gresham describes herself as a poor innocent country girl with a cardboard suitcase and a cheek of tan, coming to Washington on the evening Greyhound. When a man wearing a fedora with a toothpick in his mouth at the bus station said, “Hey kid, you wanna work at the White House?”

With her finger in the dimple of her cheek she replied, “I don’t know mister, what would I have to do?”

Nothin kid, you can read, can’t you? “Well sort of!”

Gresham was shocked! Yea shocked, by their casual dishonesty. That’s why we call them criminals dear. Their casual dishonesty is known in the trade by the technical term, “Red Flag!” To hear her tell the tale, Lott would have been shit out of luck, looking for one good man at the White House. A snake pit of plots and suspicious, guarded laughter. Mark Meadows tipping the vending machines or stealing from the coffee fund can.

She began her White House adventure working for Malaria Twump and describes her as everything a satirist can imagine, and worse. Apparently, Tiffany’s doesn’t sell personalities. Asked about events where she might have intervened. Steph explained, “When bad things were happening, I was always in the East Wing of the White House or on my break. It’s the darndest thing.” Gresham resigned as Malaria Twump’s chief of staff on January 6th. Outraged that Malaria wanted to watch Judge Judy reruns rather than the Insurrection at the Capitol.

Malaria Twump responded by calling Gresham, “a deceitful and troubled individual who doesn’t deserve anyone’s trust.” If Babe Ruth says you’re a pretty good ballplayer, well? If Malaria Twump says you are a deceitful and troubled individual. Who else would know more about that than Malaria? I suspect that is the reason they hired Steph in the first place. Steph was the press secretary for the first lady who only spoke with her overcoat.

Gresham insists that Twump will run again in 2024, because you can’t have a Halloween movie, without Michael Myers. If he’s gone, the whole movie (or book) premise falls flat. It is a very important narrative because if the monster is gone, the movie is over. Steph insists, Twump was going announce his candidacy in August. But was talked out of it because he would probably jaundice the mid-term elections so badly, as to help the Democrats tighten their grip on Congress. But that isn’t what stopped the Trumpizoid. After helping the Democrats and decimating the Republicans, he would be seen as a “Loser” in 2024.

Albert Speer was the armaments minister in Nazi Germany. The Fuhrer had lifted him from obscurity, when he was an unemployed architect. Eventually making him one of the most powerful men in the third Reich. He was the only Nazi to apologize at Nuremburg, and the other defendants shunned him. He explained that sitting in a prison cell, he could begin to understand what had happened.

Lifted into power and prestige, it’s hard to stay off the drug. Pretty soon, you don’t look out the window of the limousine anymore or talk to the driver. The outside world isn’t important. What is important is living in the bubble. You wear shoes that cost $5,000 because all your friends do! And if some of them have a causal attitude towards crime, oh well.

Sure, maybe they’ve been indicted  by the grand jury a few times, but that doesn’t make them criminals. It just looks like crime to outsiders, but they don’t understand living in the bubble. Sometimes, you just do what you are told. And you don’t see what you aren’t supposed to see.

But one day the bubble bursts and you discover yourself unemployable. No one wants a press secretary that worked for Twump in any capacity. (Hi, welcome to Walmart.) If your daddy ain’t a  circuit preacher and former Governor of Arkansas, your job prospects are limited. No one wants a press secretary that told lies all day.

Now that Joe Biden’s enhanced unemployment benefits have run out. The only option left open to her is to write a book. But not just any book, but the true story of events at the White House! “Jared Kushner, oh, he was bad man. Ivanka Twump, she was a bad man too! Mark Meadows, he was a bad man, Malaria Twump, she was a bad man. In fact, everyone in the whole White House were bad men except for me. Only I, Stephanie Gresham had redeeming qualities.” Sweet Polly Pure Heart, caught on a pirate ship with a band of murderous cut throats and thieves!

Headed by Orange beard the Pirate, who lifted her from obscurity and put her inside the bubble. And now, the bubble is gone and that casual dishonesty that Steph wrote about, is the most fitting description of herself. I worked around criminals, but I wasn’t a criminal. I worked around murderous thieves, but I wasn’t a murderous thief. I worked for high powered politicians who paid me well for my soul and reputation. Now, the only option left open is to rat them all out. Write a book and file for an unemployment extension.

Mama said, “If you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.” – Forrest Gump

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