The Brown Acid

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Faux News says there must have been 20,000 people in attendance in Des Moines for Donald Twump’s “You Know What Really Pisses Me off?” World Tour 2021. Newsmax said, at least 20,000 and they were still streaming in! Maybe 50,000 or a 100,000! It might be the largest peaceful gathering on the North American Continent, since Woodstock.

Strangely, the local reporter on the scene made no mention of the crowd size in the local paper. Either it wasn’t significant, or they were told not to include it. Either way, obviously the crowd wasn’t overwhelming the staff. “The helicopters are on our side…man!” And Sha na na, isn’t on the bill.

It must be those same minions who made up (Made Up) the largest crowd ever to see an Inauguration. The rule in photography and propaganda, is tight shots for small crowds and wide shots for large crowds because the camera never lies, only the operators. What a coincidence, that both Reich wing media outlets deduced identical attendance figures. “One of you might have at least said 19,500 or 22,175 to make it look good.”

Now there is a name for what the old man is doing, but it’s impolite in mixed company. So, cover your ears. It’s called masturbation. The old man is publicly jerking off, and to large crowds I might add, but far from 20K. Mark Twain had his front porch modeled after a steamboat deck. “Those were the days huh!” The Admiral fires the cannon in his bedroom out the window, every day precisely at two o’clock.  Twump wanted to install his daughter as President of the World Bank, “Cause she’s good with numbers.” Go on Ivanka, commence to go to ciphering for the folks!

Twump’s theme was decidedly, “You know what I don’t like? You know what we were going to call it?” And the ever-popular favorite with the young people, “I was telling him the other day.” Faux News Special Report- An Evening with Cranky Grand Pa. News and views of what Pop’s was generally thinking at random, while looking for the remote the other day. A highlight reel of random uncorroborated thought, with no guiding theme, whatsoever!

Twump said that Iowa had voted for him, and that’s why they were the first state to vote in the primaries, stroke, stroke. “You sure are pretty, do you live around here?” Everybody pumps the crowd, “Boy you guys are great, not like those people in, (reads back of guitar) Shelbyville!” After warming up the crowd, the golden carrot did what he does best. Ramble against his enemies and whine like a rusty yard gate. He railed against Brian Kemp and said that he’d rather see Stacey Abrams elected Governor. Forgetting that Des Moines wasn’t in Georgia.

Interviews with the audience proved insightful. They had come to hear Donald Twump speak because, “he tells the twuth! He’s for America and for Jesus! Mustn’t ever forget that Jesus. The weaponized terminator of the poor. “Joe Biden is giving away money and let the Afghans down.” They say that tropical fish are hard to keep. But if we could crossbreed tropical fish with Twump supporters, it might simplify everything. The only problem being, the white fish would want their own tank.

But it was clear, that the Mensa Society didn’t need to cancel their Annual Fall dinner-dance. Just because the ex-president was in town, as the two events were unlikely to conflict. Of this huge crowd, how many more were still driving around trying to find the place?

“I ain’t got no mirror! Look out the back door of the school bus and see if she’s clear! I ain’t parallel parking this bitch again!” Stop yelling at me! I didn’t tell you to bring your work vehicle! “We’ll, I pawned the truck tires, and the tractor was outta gas!”

This is the whirlpool forming over the drain. Because Twump has no direction other than personal grievances and delusions of grandeur. The Republican Party stagnates, “Do you know what I don’t like? Do you know what I’m against?” If Covid numbers continue to fall, how can they rail against vaccines and Communist mandates? They actively pursue the path of death before dishonor, as Allen West has been admitted to the hospital with Covid symptoms.

West had been treated with cattle wormer and hydrox cookies a quin and yet the virus stubbornly hung on. Allen West is not to be confused with Adam West. Adam West played Batman in the 60s television series. Allen West plays bat shit crazy as a Reich wing political candidate. Sort of a Faux News says I’m important, so I must be!

Flying Twump/Rambo flags and wearing red, white and blue cowboy hats. Daring us to come take their automatic weapons from their cold dead hands. Without the calliope music, the circus just isn’t the same. The P. A. system blared Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind” and the Spike Jones classic. “I Know Your Mama Loves Me, cause she told me so last night!” The only two songs not banned for use by the Twump cult by ASCAP and BMI.

I’ve read all sorts of reports from this freak show, “chilling and frightening!” More like comical, sad, and kind of pathetic. You know Broadway shows are expensive, even the touring companies visiting Des Moines. How can you take your wife or significant other out for a night on the town, without significantly cutting into the liquor budget? White Castle first, and then the show!

The world’s oldest warriors professing their undying love for the world’s oldest orange boy band. Following a man soon to be out of office for a year. An old man with no prospect of ever returning to office. Watching last years reruns and not knowing the difference.

“If you go on down to the Hogg Farm, they’ll feed you man. It’s really far out man! But hurry back man! Or you’ll miss Canned Heat and Big Brother and the Holding Company!”

“The warning that I received, you may take with however many grains of salt you wish, that the brown acid that is circulating around us, is specifically not too good. It’s suggested that you do stay away from that; of course, it’s your own trip, so be my guest. But, please be advised that there is a warning on that one.”

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