By David Glenn Cox
Put on your play clothes kids! This is going to be fun! It just gets gooder and gooder and gooder from here! Steve Bannon’s attorney says, Steve won’t testify before the January 6th committee, under any circumstances. Unless Donald Trump is granted executive privilege. Inverto Twump world, “Look, I don’t care what happens to me. You gotta let Donald Twump go. Give him his executive privilege and then I’ll testify…maybe.”
Only, if Twump were granted executive privilege. Bannon would never be allowed to testify. “Give us ten million dollars and a three-week head start, without the ankle bracelet, and my passport and I’ll testify.” Remember how I was telling you the other day? How penguins test the water for seals by pushing an unsuspecting penguin into the water from behind? If it’s not torn to pieces, then it’s safe to go swimming. Steve Bannon – unsuspecting, executive penguin.
The January 6th committee is anxious to flex their muscles and punch someone, just to show they mean it. Like prison, you got to punch the big ugly dude the first day. Susan McDougal spent eighteen months in Federal prison for refusing to testify about White Water. Steve best get his bath robe cleaned and maybe buy himself a carton of smokes for to make friends with. Bye Steve! Bye, bye! See, I told you this would be fun!
So, all the other penguins, I mean, the witnesses, are asking themselves. “They’ll stop with Steve, right? It’s just a scare tactic…right?” Once again, the Twump monkeys paint themselves into a corner and then complain about doing all the work. “I’m so innocent, that I’ll go to prison, before I’ll tell you about how innocent I am!”
The only other option would be for Bannon to take the Fifth Amendment. Live on all the TV networks, except for Faux, Newsmax and OAN who were busy with covering the changing fall colors and Halloween fun! But Donald Twump once said, only guilty people take the Fifth Amendment. And I trust him on this, because if anyone would know about guilty people, it is he.
But, I couldn’t imagine living a life where I have more lawyers than Cheerios. “Who’s this guy? Which case is this again? I thought we settled that one!” For me a pit of despair, for him another day at the rectangular office. “I must be important, look at the all these legal papers with my name on them!” I don’t know what he’ll do with himself once he retires, just get sued on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I guess.
But I told you that this would be good, and I’m not the sort of guy to build a thing up and leave you hanging. (Coming Next Week! The Exciting Conclusion in Part 2) Of course, I did audition for that porn movie once, but my credentials wouldn’t stand up. It was a disappointment all around.
Donald Twump told a rapturous audience of mono toothed, slack jawed invertebrates NOT to vote for Republicans in 2022 or 2024! “He say Not! Me no understand! Make place inside head hurt!” Unless they fix the terrible miscarriage of justice done to Donald Twump and his election loss. Twump is taking the Republicans in Congress hostage and threatening to kill them all. “Look, if you don’t get me out of this! I’ll splatter the Republicans in Congresses brain all over a remarkably small area.
The first loud crack of thunder before the rain. Bannon will go to prison, if not show us his mettle first by hiding from the Marshalls, of course he’s innocent. Then the January 6th committee moves the cursor and call the next witness after Bannon. Holiday shopping tips say, “Phone cards and things useful in prison are always appreciated!”
Twump is scared and is publicly threatening the Republican Party with a Murder – Suicide pact. It’s a nice day for a White Wedding! It’s nice day to start again! Ask yourself, who was the last American President to threaten to torpedo his own party? “I’ll kill you all! I swear I will!” “Don’t vote for Republicans! Don’t you dare vote for Republicans, unless they rescue me. Send money! Oh, my yes send the money, but don’t vote for them!
There is only one slight flaw in the plan. That weak spot in the Death Star, Republicans don’t control the Congress. If the Republicans take Twump’s advice and just stay home and drink. They won’t control the Congress in 2022 or 2024 either. “I’ll take you all bastards down with me! I swear I will. Every last mother loving son one of you!” Only as the federal witness/inmates begin to pile up in prison and it ain’t Halloween no more. Vulnerable Republicans will begin to question, if Twump even needs to pull the trigger on his threat.
The wheels on the bus go round and round. And right here on our stage! For the first time ever! Live on stage! Donald Twump will attempt to throw the entire Republican Party under the bus! Joe Stalin once said, “In our army, it is more dangerous to retreat than to advance.” You got company Joe!
Donald Twump has returned from the mountain top with but a single commandment. “Rescue Donald Twump or you can all go fuck yourselves! Fuck your careers, fuck your Party, and fuck everybody! I don’t give a damn about you or your district! Unless you save me, God Damn it!”
I told you this was going to be fun! You know, once you’ve threated to crash the plane into the mountain top. You’ve pretty much shot your wad. There is no plan “B” after murder-suicide. It won’t have the same effect, if you try it again next month. If this were a cartoon, this is the point where the air begins escaping from Donald Twump with a flatulent sound and his voice goes all falsetto. His Reverend Jim Jones moment has finally arrived.
“You must drink the Kool-Aid now children. It is time! Under no circumstance should you vote for Republicans. It’s too late for that, now children. They’re coming for Reverend Jim and if you ain’t gonna save Reverend Jim, then drink your fucking Kool Aid and die! See if I care!