X-Box, Porn and Whiskey

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

One of the advantages to watching a few decades click by, is to see the repetition of patterns. Something new, but always something just the same as before. Fabian or Justin Bieber, Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor. Oh, you’re the new teen heart throb or hip edgy comedian. But once you’ve been to the state fair one too many times, the butter sculpture doesn’t impress anymore.

But one thing never changes, across the universe and across the eons of TIME itself!!!! Republicans have an answer for everything. You might call their answers “pat” or superficial. You might even call it nonsense or even racist nonsense, but Republicans will have an answer for you in less than three seconds. (With our patented speed-reading course, you too can now know everything. Without the cumbersome need to ever study or attend classes!) In the fifties, it was comic books; comic books were bringing down modern society.

They forced the Comic Book Code on the industry, no anti-American egalitarian ideas, and no busty ladies! Captain America somehow just wasn’t American enough for them. Couldn’t you make him an Admiral or a General? How’s “General America!” grab you? Twenty-five years later, the same people’s children  would lead the crusade against violent  gangster rap music.

Eric Clapton could still shoot the Sheriff, but not Bob Marley. Johnny Cash could shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die, but these Gangster Rap CD’s really  needed a warning label! Hot Rods and Rock and Roll music, that’s why Johnny doesn’t want to go to church anymore!

As Capitalism proves to tell, almost immediately you have no chance of selling a Rap, CD in this country without a warning label on it. Just as you had no chance in selling Pat Boone for Little Richard. Mad Magazine refused to sign the comic book code. And so, published a magazine on comic book stock. Immediately becoming the most popular child’s magazine in the country.  Who remembers K-I-S-S? Knights in Service of SATAN! Well, it certainly wasn’t in the service of music, now, was it? You know, if you play this Styx record backwards real fast Tommy Shaw sings, “who fed the cat?” over and over. An obvious reference to Satan.

Ronald Reagan made his bacon in the sixties by decrying attempts at protest and free speech! Men died to give you the right to protest, how dare attempt you use it! You know, I think you’re smart enough already. I think I’ll cancel your college scholarship. Maybe a  year in Nam will straighten your head out. I’ll teach you to protest in my free country!

So, when I read that Josh Hawley was blaming declining male masculinity on Video games and porn. When obviously, he’s not going to the right bars. You found out about this how, Josh? Did you read it a book maybe or a magazine? Or did you discover these truths over long, lonely weekends with a bottle of Wild Turkey and an Xbox? Struggling to reach that next level, where’s my credit card? I’ll buy a magic battle axe to defeat the one-armed Cyclops and win the sacred bridge to Avalon!

It’s the counter – counterculture war. “Look at what those young people are wearing! Their clothes are so weird, and their haircuts don’t forget their haircuts! What sort of mother would let their child walk the streets dressed like that in 1925?” Why don’t they pull their pants up? The General MacArthur rule says that your belt should never be no more than four inches away from your nipples. You can’t pull your pants up; they won’t go up any higher!

Always with the simple solution that never involves spending money, if we could just get people to stop doing the things that I don’t like. I’d be happy, and the world would be a better place. If we just take those controversial books out of the library and do like I do. Why are they always carping about their rights? I would feel more sympathetic towards  their cause if I didn’t have to hear or think about it.

Why do we always have to change things? I like the way I remember them from back in the good ole days, that never actually were. Memories fostered and softened by a desire to bathe in the warmth of our past. You remember going to the store but forgot how cold it was. You remember visiting Santa, but not standing in line. By only remembering the good stuff, they wish to return to a time that actually never existed or is possible to recreate.

Do you know what’s wrong with America today? It’s Video Games (Change)! Young people (Young People!) today…what’s wrong with them? Why don’t they dress more like old people, and listen to the music we like? Why don’t they say things like, “groovy or far out”  or “Cat’s Meow” anymore? It’s a proven fact, that if you perform your Rap music for a bunch of old people and they like it…you’re not doing it right.

They are trying to tear down the palace of our traditional family (Memories)values. They want to destroy our faithful, sacred memories of the past and replace those warm fuzzy phony feelings, with the cold stark reality of the future. And only the Republicans can save us. They are trying to take your guns away, so that they can install a Marxist government!

They know that you don’t understand, that a general strike would be far more effective. Than bunch of fifty-year-old fat guys in Camo gear declaring solo wars and popping off a few rounds at the cops. “Come and get me Coppers! I’m the John Wayne of Butterworth Avenue!”

The mask, the vaccination, and critical race theory. The three riders of the Apocalypse, bringing about the second coming. You can’t spell Republican without paranoia. Evil people are everywhere, in your music and in your media. In your coffee and in your breakfast cereal. They’re putting fluoride in the water! They want to close your third psychic eye, so you’ll be blind and not all seeing. They want to put dirty books in the library and only we can stop them!

That’s why with your check or recurring donation, we can fight the Liberal attempts at controlling public health and filling our schoolbooks with a bunch of unpleasant history facts. What do we need with facts? Why can’t do what we always did in the good old days… sugar coat it and just make it up!

“I wonder why progress looks so much like destruction.”
― John Steinbeck

2 Thoughts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s