By David Glenn Cox
It was FDR who famously said, “The Republicans, not content with attacks upon me or on my wife, or my children. Have now attacked my little dog Fala.” Flashforward Ted Cruz is tackling the tough issues head on. He’s fighting mad at Big Bird, and he doesn’t care who knows it! Ted was outraged when the fictional character of a Big Bird received an imaginary Covid -19 vaccination. Cruz declared the bird to be a government propagandist, along the same lines as Smokey the Bear or McGruff the Crime Dog, I guess.
Stalin, Goebbels, and Big Bird! This is what American Republican politics has come down to, a totaling of sums. How dare a fictional child’s character, promote public health to children! If the bird is pushing vaccines and the ABC’s today, how long? How, long before he’s introducing Connie Communist or Marky Marxism to your children? “Our letters for today Comrade children, are “W” and “U” for workers utopia!
The rule of thumb appears to be, that if you can’t scream the loudest. You should at least try to be the shrillest. They don’t see themselves as they appear, but as they wish to appear. A great statesman continuing a long history of brilliant oratory from the well of the American Senate. Warning the American people of a great peril to our society. A seven-foot-tall yellow bird on kids TV show, designed for preschoolers.
Machine gun Margie Greene called the infrastructure bill “Communism.” Maintaining the Eisenhower Interstate System is now somehow “Communism.” The Republicans find themselves in the enviable/unenviable position of no longer being confined by the bounds of reality. Just say whatever comes to mind. Just spit it out. If it sounds stupid, we can always blame the media later. Whatever ideas you got rolling around up there, now’s the time to just set em free!
Professional killer and Obergruppen Fuhrer of Florida, Ron Desantis, has decided to back off on his executive order. Barring two University of Florida professors from testifying against him as expert witnesses in a lawsuit. It was explained to killer Ron, that Governor can’t actually issue executive orders telling people to shut up. The professors have sued and will soon have enough money to retire on, courtesy of Killer Ron and the good people of Florida.
It is a central guiding principle of fascism that there must always be drama and intrigue. The Party is always under attack! The November criminals who stabbed us in the back! Those dirty criminals who certified valid elections or spoke heresy against Twump. A seven-foot-tall yellow propagandist, out to steal and sway young minds into stealing their parents’ car to become vaccinated.
Everybody is out to get us! Telling children, it’s good to get vaccinated. Oh, these are the end times people! Jesus is warming up the Escalade as we speak, it won’t be long now! Remember, “One People, One Country, One Reich!” Everyone agrees, dissent is not allowed…ever. Because dissent is disloyalty to the central principle of fascism. You don’t think, you’re not allowed to make decisions. You’re told what to think and told what the decisions are. And it is a criminal act to think otherwise, punishable by being burned at the stake.
Thirteen Republicans committed the unforgivable sin of voting for their constituent’s best interests. They were then set upon by Republican jackals like machine gun Marge Greene, Lauren, (Low Rent) Boebert and America’s proof of reverse evolution, Madison Cawthorn. He’s gonna Primary the hell out of those Republicans, from his home district in North Carolina. Machine gun Margie warns they will feel the scorn of Republican voters that have the attention span of a gnat. The voters are going to get really pissed off when they start fixing their roads and their Internet speed improves.
Liz Cheney was famously removed from her house leadership position. Because she supported the lawful transition of the government of the United States, against the wishes the leader. For that crime she must be made to pay a price, to teach her and others a lesson. Never stand against the leader, no matter what the law says. Replaced with great fanfare by Elise Stefanick, who hasn’t been heard from since. The message is shut up and Stefanick is a good listener. She’s not about to lose her cushy job over any old silly integrity.
This who they are, they who stand against public health. Because they’ve had steel mill’s worth of smoke blown up their ass about getting a harmless injection. They’re convinced the vaccine will alter their DNA and make them hollow eyed zombies. Or it will magnetize them and cause blood clots when statistically, the most dangerous part of getting the shot is walking across the parking lot. But they are convinced, it’s all a plot. Somebodies doing something to somebody. And there is always a dark hand at work behind the scenes up to no good.
Somewhere between Championship Wrestling and All My Children, with a little “Omega Man” thrown in for spice. A comic book narrative of good guys and dirty birds. We was cheated sour grapes, but not peep out of them about voter integrity, when the count says they won the election. No nine-million-dollar Cyber Ninjas moving in to do a recount. If we win, it’s all fair and above board, but if we lose. It’s because everybody cheats us.
It doesn’t have to make sense anymore; Joe Biden is a Communist or Joe Biden is an intergalactic shape shifting lothario. Leaving a trail broken relationships and illegitimate space children across the galaxy all doing business with China and the Ukraine. A California public school teacher recently lost his job or resigned his job. Nobodies saying, just like they aren’t giving out his name. (You resign quietly, and we won’t give out your name.) He explained to his class that Twump was still the President and Hunter Biden was doing deals with China and the Ukraine and had child pornography on his laptop.
It’s one thing to make with the crazy talk. It’s another to know that its crazy talk. He believes it, he believes it so much, that he wanted to share it with Middle Schoolers. Never mind the curriculum or test questions, let me tell you what I heard on Faux News last night. So full of the spirit, he had to share it with a captive audience of teens who had signed up for history class. The dividing line of the Republican Party, Is Big Bird a Communist or just a filthy traitor? Big Bird will now need a police escort, after they doxed the location of his nest, and he began receiving death threats.
A comic sans costumed man in a yellow bird suit has no right to advocate for vaccinations, if their leader is against it. And their Leader is against it.
“Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hand, and an infinite scorn in our hearts.” ― Benito Mussolini, The Doctrine of Fascism