Killer Kyle Clue

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

And so it begins, the long march from right-wing celebrity to unidentified body found in a seedy motel room. Kenosha Killer Kyle, reports that Twump Attorney Lin Wood, mishandled two million dollars of Kenosha Killer Kyles bail money. Welcome to your new world Kyle! That’s how all the fish swim in this tank. Everyone you meet from now on is after your money, your photograph, or your signature.

I’ve heard the worst curse of all, is the curse of the free drink. “Hey, there’s Kyle. Let me buy you a drink Kyle! Come on over and have a shot with us Kyle! I’m buying! Set em up again, for my buddy Kyle! Say Kyle, have you ever tried cocaine?” Unholy seeds grow bitter fruits, as the one thing Kenosha Killer Kyle wanted to be when he growed up was a Law enforcement officer. He can now have almost anything he wants, anything at all, but that.

I can’t imagine a Chief anxiously signing up young Kyle for the Police Academy. Resolving conflicts without shooting and killing people is the preferred method of law enforcement. Kyle has scored poorly on conflict resolution in the past. And his violent reactions make him a loose cannon and a lightning rod for trouble. Trouble both in and out of uniform. He has no more chance of a career in law enforcement than dancing with Bolshoi Ballet. Could you imagine Kyle joining the Marines? I’ll bet the Senior Drill Instructor is going to like having him in his platoon! “So, you think you’re pretty tough, huh Sweetheart?”

He couldn’t join the military, where would mother sleep? He’s still a young boy at home with mother. But with money burning a hole in his pocket and the whole Fascist world anxious to buy him a drink, he won’t be at home for long. Maybe, they can begin fighting over the money then, ala Brittany Spears and every other celebrity in the known Western world.

The loose wig Federation of the Fascist Party is drawing lots to see who can win Kenosha Killer Kyle, as their Congressional intern. I suggested cutting the baby in half but haven’t received any response yet. But interning, that is like work. And when you can get paid just for showing up, why would you want to work? Intern! Paying little, while requiring almost near constant sobriety in a world that wants to buy Kyle a drink.  He’s a celebrity, and working a job would be a step down in this world.

I don’t know what kind of academic numbers Kenosha Killer Kyle put up in high school. But to me, he has the face of a solid “C” student when he applies himself, while rarely applying himself. His dream was to be a cop. Nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t require Calculus or reading Gibbon. And when the world wants to buy you a drink, all that’s required is showing up.

Have you ever tried meth Kyle? Here, take a hit. Do you want me to turn up the music Kyle? What’s wrong Kyle? You’re not looking well, have another drink, Kyle. Do you want me to turn the music up Kyle? Yeah, fuck those cops and their noise ordinance bullshit!

Celebrity is toxic and kills as fast as a six shooter, but unearned celebrity comes suddenly and is unasked for. There is no way for him to repeat his celebrity trick. There is no game winning touchdown inside him or hit Rap record. This is the top of the mountain and it’s all downhill from here, until it washes out to the sea. Free drinks for everybody…next stop hell!

Maybe we could talk one of the Las Vegas Gambling Syndicates into a national game of Killer Kyle Clue. Giving a slice of the proceeds to Killer Kyle’s victims. So, let’s put this thing through some Beta testing and see what we get.

Killer Kyles body was found in:

A. The back room of a strip club.

B. Motel chain famous for leaving on lights and wasting energy.

C. Mother’s bedroom.

D. On top of an oil storage tank screaming, “Come and get me Coppers!”

E. Outlaw motorcycle club “safe house.”

 In Killer Kyle’s pockets were found:

A. $4.73 and a solid gold crack pipe given to him by Don Jr. his self

B. $29,000 in cash

C. A disconnected phone number of a show girl written on the back of a Vegas pawn shop business card.

D. Nothing.

E. An unlisted South Florida phone number, that keeps hanging up.

 At the time of his death, Killer Kyle was employed as:

A. A Faux News Business Analyst.

B. A Greeter at Las Vegas Casino.

C. A Fluffer for a pornographic movie studio.  

D. A Drug Dealer.

E. A Republican nominee for President of the United States.

The cause of death is presumed to be:

A. A drug overdose.

B. Dies in shootout with rival drug gang, but manages to wing Don Jr.

C. Cirrhosis of the liver.

D. Life in the fast lane.

E. Murdered by a hooker for his big gold pinkie ring.

The coroner said:

A. I can’t believe his body held up this long!

B. Man, that much heroin would have killed an elephant!

C. I Haven’t seen a case this sad since, Jim Morrison.

D. He just wanted to be a policeman.

E. We can’t locate his mother to claim the body. I believe they weren’t speaking, at the time of his death.

Upon hearing the news of his death, the Republicans in Congress said:

A. Kyle Who?

B. If only, he’d found Jesus, before it was too late.

C. Did Liberals inside the Deep State, Murder Killer Kyle?

D. Isn’t far more likely to be Hunter Biden responsible?

E. Proof positive is found that Killer Kyle was murdered, because he was about to blow lid off of a huge Nancy Pelosi Sex scandal!

Kenosha Killer Kyle, has been given a life sentence to the party prison. The big rock candy house of sweets, pats on the back and detention. These people want to meet you and shake your hand. Congratulations, you’re the one millionth person to shake Kyles’s hand. And just one look in his eyes tells you, that he hates you for it. He’s  a prison bitch doing life, used and abused by everyone and anyone, who can squeeze one more drop of celebrity out of him. Friends who will use him, then cast him aside, when he is no longer useful and his luster fades.

Sink or swim Kyle, there are only sharks in the tank.

“I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position.” ― Muhammad Ali

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