Like an Angry Chihuahua

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The numbers on the calendar change, but not Ted Cruz. Another day, another year, another gaff. Living on a diet of crow and Dr. Sholes foot in mouth cream. He misunderstood a question from WA – Western Australia, as Washington state. That’s the easy part, there is also an ABC – Australian Broadcasting Corporation. There is no crime in making that mistake, just remember which side of the road to drive on. But Ted on the head read a question from a woman asking about New Year’s Covid restrictions. She was told that masks were unnecessary at home, but that dancing was out of the question.

You know, like getting close and sweaty, while breathing really hard next to other guests. At no time was their any implication that riot squad might kick down the door like the night they raided Minsky’s. There is no secret anti-dancing intelligence group with spy satellites and vibration meters. It’s like the famous WKRP episode where Les Nessman, does a news story about a giant lizzard approaching Cincinnati. Johnny Fever covers the microphone and says, “That’s blizzard Les, the B doesn’t work on the printer.”

Cruz tweeted: “Blue-state Dems are power-drunk authoritarian kill-joys. Washington State: NO DANCING ALLOWED!!! Any rational & free citizen: Piss off.”

You would think by now that Ted, would employ a fact checker or maybe just ask someone. When I was in radio school, they taught us that if you run across a story that seemed peculiar and just doesn’t sound right. To check it out before repeating it. But for the Republicans, it’s like a scavenger hunt. Looking for something to be outraged about and to be first one on the block to be outraged about it. Then dragging it home and putting their brand on it. “There teaching our children to be thespians!”

If the restriction had been for Washington State. Ted would have been seen as cutting edge. Another outrage done to honest hard-working long-suffering  Mericans! He’d have made all the media rounds and it would have been a political home run, instead of a swing and a miss! Maggie Greene has got mask hysteria covered. Low rent Boebert, has got handguns in the office all sewed up. Rand Paul wants to shrink Dr. Fauci’s head. Jimmy Jordan (the man with one tie) is tweeting anti-vaxx propaganda. It’s a new day at our house, but something’s just don’t change elsewhere. Jimmy asks, “If the booster shots work, why don’t they work?”

Really? Two years in, 800,000 dead and you’re still fighting that dragon? Saint Jimmy and the dragon, our savior! Protecting us from interracial Muppet relationships. Fighting for your right to carry loaded weapons on the floor of Congress. But every outrage remains a hit, until some new outrage comes along and knocks it off its perch. It does no good to tell Chief Yellow Tie, that boosters and masks do work and that they could work a whole lot better. If the Republicans would quit fighting about it and cooperate. If just as an example for the kids, as an exercise of a civil society.

The Gauleiters are each fighting for their own fiefdom with no unified strategy, other than to make noise and complain a lot. Complaining about Critical Race Theory, even though it’s not taught in a single High School in the United States. An invisible Godzilla, stomping down imaginary heritage and spreading hate. The perfect mix of racism and illiteracy. Fear and suspicion, they’re doing things you don’t know about, down in that precious high school of yours!

First, it was a Pizza Parlors and child sex and cannibalism, just your average main stream Republican politics. They gather in Dallas, to await the return of a dead man. And each time he doesn’t show, they simply choose a new date on the calendar to assemble and try it again. You don’t need a pocket calculator to figure it out or need to Google it. “How many people have ever returned from the dead?” You can’t talk about probability curves to people who believe in conspiracy and magic.

The Reich wing is a twitter with predictions after Giselle Maxwell was found guilty of sex trafficking. They are near certain, she will soon start spilling the beans on the Democratic friends of Jeffery Epstein. Only, the time to spill the beans is before a conviction, not after. They are certain that she has reams of evidence, just laying around to take them all down. I don’t know, I’ve never been involved in underaged sex trafficking myself. But I don’t think I’d want to keep any of that kind of evidence of my own guilt, hanging around the house.

Likewise they are certain that Epstein himself was murdered in a diabolical campaign to silence him, before he talked. Isn’t it obvious? A billionaire playboy living a lavish lifestyle, chasing young girls is facing life in prison in a six by nine-foot concrete box. Gee, he had everything to live for, why would he ever commit suicide? Let’s go fill out that confession, “All the things Bill Clinton and I did.” There is no way to exempt himself without admitting guilt. Like when Ted Cruz says, “there are too many stupid people here, so I’m leaving!”

Outrage, inuendo and out right lies. Race, religion, and sex. Health care plan? Environmental plan? Spending plan? The answer is none, the Republicans offer no agenda of they are for, only what they are against. And they are consistent in this, they are against everything.

When America began to electrify at the end of the 19th Century. Preachers and ministers objected to public streetlights. God divided the day into light and dark, and no mortal man should be allowed to abridge his plan. It’s a plot by the devil, mark my words. We’ll have loose women in the streets and people staying up past nine o’clock.”

Their policy is to sell fear and outrage, Nancy Pelosi wants your boy in a dress! Jeffery Epstein was murdered by a secret Clinton hit squad. AOC has a secret plan to make women pee standing up. There are dangerous books in the library, you know! In a dimension where time stands still, so they can bark at it, like an angry Chihuahua with its head hanging out a car window.

“Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it’s too late! Watch for the telltale signs of corruption! The minute your son leaves the house, does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime-novel hidden in the corncrib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy’s Whiz-Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like “swell” and “so’s your old man”? If so my friends, ya got trouble!” – Harold Hill

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