Bob, They Need a Weatherman

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I guess one of the fun parts of life is if stick around long enough, it all comes back around again. Different costumes, different arguments, but always the same parade. Somebodies doing something and they don’t like it. George Wallace defends segregation and Joe Smitherman defends Selma, leaving dust and destruction in their wake.

Grabbing that wild horse issue or opportunity and riding that bitch into the ground. Anita Bryant was going to save the world from homosexuality with Orange Juice. Jerry Falwell with his moral majority. Tipper Gore came up with a way to sell millions more Rap CDs by attaching parental warning labels. Which to the kids read “Buy Me First!” Reagan earned his doughnuts bashing hippies because they were visible and harmless. Barry Goldwater aspired to larger and grander things. Plots and underground communist agents, secretly taking over the government. Forerunners of today’s Deep State and Q-anon.

While grand pa was worried about Black folks’ miscegenation, Junior was worried about Gay Scout Masters and his boy is worried about MS-13 crossing border. It’s not the issue; it’s the person. Accept that this sort of behavior points not to a lack of intelligence, but a level of excitability. Even a mundane secret is better than the plain old truth. Did you know? Have you heard?

Orson Well’s “War of the Worlds” radio play had bumpers at every commercial break. “You’re listening to Mercury Theater of the air’s presentation of, “The War of the Worlds.”” And yet some still flipped out, because they tend to get more excited than the rest of us. Evangelical zeal for the burning cross and all who should be burned by it for their transgressions.

Have thee noticed, how brother Paul always keeps the silver buckles on his shoes so shiny? He always has his hat placed jauntily off his forehead. Tis pridefulness, he must be punished for his sins! And young Rebecka has rebuffed my advances thrice. I believe she consorts with the devil and is a witch.

The level of excitement demands instant identification through the pronouncement of Zieg Hiel or a red Baseball cap. You can’t be true to the cause without a uniform. What kind of club doesn’t have a dress code? You can’t show up at a biker bar wearing an Izod shirt and your Golf togs. Parking the Prius in the Motorcycles only spaces, and not expect some level of criticism. You can’t wear your street shoes on the gym floor or your street clothes to a Klan rally.

Bob Dylan said, “You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.” But sometimes you do. You do need a weatherman, because the wind changes suddenly unannounced. Don (Who should be nameless) cancelled his January 6th speech to America. The headlines around the world should have read – “TWUMP SHUTS UP!” When was the last time you heard Twump shut up…about anything? When was the last time you saw Twump miss an opportunity to mug for the camera? This is the point in the Zapruder film where the President hears a noise and looks up.

Suddenly, the urge to be quiet overcame him. Willing to pass up all the opiate of free press and share his message of “I was robbed” with the whole world once again. He suddenly sought silence and solitude. Every night we played “Achy Breaky Heart” and the crowd cheered and then, one night they didn’t. A year out, George H.W. Bush was a sure thing to be re-elected, then he wasn’t. First, they loved the tail fins, then they didn’t. First, they loved Disco and then they didn’t.

It was Thoreau who said, “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.” Silly 19th Century romanticism, sure maybe he’s Albert Einstein or Paul McCartney and just a little bit different. But let’s be honest, while it does happen its more than likely they aren’t geniuses just a little out of step at all.  But a couple of dumbasses, who aren’t paying attention while trying to Polka to Chuck Berry.

Enter Matt Gaetz as little Eddie Munster and Margie Greene as Lilly Munster and comic relief. They going to perform a country line dance to their favorite Skrillex music. While most Republicans are dodging the limelight and hanging out in their safe spaces until Jan 6th is over. Gaetz and Greene are going to reenact those proud moments when those patriots now being sentenced to prison, stormed the Capitol killing and injuring the police. Committing felonies in the worst insurrection since firing on Ft. Sumter.

Apparently Gaetz and Greene didn’t get the “Nix the insurrection talk” memo from the big Cheeto. They were all alone, as no other members of Congress sought to join them in their reenactment of the Beer Hall Putsch on Capitol Hill. Playing their Paul Revere and the Raiders 45s and dancing the twist, trying to show us all just how cool they really are. They need a weatherman, Bob. They are contraries who will play “Achy Breaky Heart” until the crowd doesn’t cheer anymore.  Marching proudly down the street unaware that no one is still following. The circus has left town without them. The ringmaster now has nothing to say, the music has stopped, but they won’t sit down.

Twump’s silence is proof that the sands are shifting under their feet. It was that “Anything you say, can and will be used against you.” Ringing in his ears. It’s a turning point, the point where the con man stops blustering so loudly, and begins to inventory his luggage and make his travel arrangements.

Poor Ted Cruz is on a nationwide humiliation tour, after inadvertently labeling the January 6th Seditionists as terrorists! “How dare you call people who broke windows, stole things and called for murder of elected leaders, Terrorists!”  

“It would be ridiculous for me to be saying that the people standing up and protesting to follow the law were somehow terrorists,” Cruz said. “I was talking about people who commit violence against cops.”

Democrats and the media, he continued, “are trying to paint everyone as a terrorist, and it’s a lie.”

A year ago, on the floor of the Senate. Ted Cruz said he was “not arguing for setting aside the results of the election.” But that he was objecting because of concerns about how many Americans believed fraud had occurred.

But as we now know, objecting to the electors was all part of the Twump plan to challenge and attempt to overturn the election and was as phony as the eleven of clubs. Ted got in trouble, by inadvertently telling the truth, but promises that henceforth, he will only swear to the lie. Apologizing for siding with the law and the police, and his oath of office. Ted’s office still won’t say if they think the Presidential election was legitimate.

Or tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows I’m not okay
Or you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me one-day

But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don’t think he’d understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooh”
 – Billy Ray Cyrus

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