That’s Why Junior Can’t Play the Damn Trumpet

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

In the unmade film “The Music Man II –  Listen to the Music Play” Junior discovers that he really can’t play the trumpet. Despite the hours of imagining that he could. The local townspeople are beginning to suspect that they’ve been taken advantage of by a cheap, crooked huckster. And are planning a meeting about it at the old Pool Hall. Such is the case of the Arizona Conservatives and the Cyber Ninja’s. From day one, the group had “Fraud” written all over themselves and on the sides and back of all company vehicles. “Caution: This vehicle commits Fraud and stops at all railroad tracks.”

“A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty, Hi Yo Silver!” The Cyber Ninja’s have arrived, to save the day! Twump wanted to push his claims of election fraud and the Cyber Ninja’s were an important part of that. An Astroturf company with no experience or expertise in voting or voting systems. Holding their recount in the middle of the local basketball arena to make a public show of it and maximize the Twump lie of voter fraud to the media.

As the plot starts to unravel before us and we begin to see, why the count needed to be extended again and again. The Cyber Ninja’s were all a part of the Insurrection conspiracy.  Then as Twump’s legal fictions quickly evaporated from the courts, they leaned more heavily on the Ninjas to slow things down and stay in the news. Back in the early days, the Republicans likewise floated Audit suggestions for Georgia and Pennsylvania. Sure, let’s have a nice partisan Audits, after two non-partisan audits, found nothing amiss.  

In the Grifter’s Bible, it clearly states that when the Rubes begin to get suspicious. The Grifter should join in and complain loudly that he too is unhappy and lost money on the deal. The Cyber Ninjas took in $5.7 million in donations but spent almost $9 million. To recount for a third time, ballots that had already been counted twice before, for pennies on the dollar.

It might have been okay if they had found something. But buyer’s or suckers’ remorse starts setting in when they don’t find any termites or money was paid to a locksmith to drill open Grand Pa’s safe, finding only naked pictures of Grand Ma.

The gambit is sort of like three card Monte. Temp the Rube into thinking its easy to find the red card. Hint, imply, or cajole that the fraud out there and as obvious as ice on the pond. Big rewards are just waiting for you but only if you play. Meanwhile, comes the pressure from back east. “You could make some important friends (Very Important) by doing this thing.

But where did the money come from? It came from people just like you!  “The America Project” $3,250.000 Then there’s “America’s Future”  $976,514. “Voices and Votes” $643,000 “Defending the Republic” $550,000 and so forth and so on. Those flashing ads at the bottom of the Fascist websites screaming to save America (This could be your last chance!) while you still can! With the disembodied heads of Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi rocking back and forth from side to side. As an alarm siren wails behind the national anthem over the Lincoln Memorial.

But everything on Halloween looks more frightening than it does on the morning of November 1st. In the heat of the moment, it all seemed to make sense. Then after nine months and nine million dollars, they came up with Bupkis. And some of the Rubes, begin to understand why Junior can’t play the damn trumpet.

The court, the real Ninjas, dressed in black ordered the pretend Ninjas to produce documents or pay a fine of $ 1,000 per day. And it’s the main reason why attorneys are so well paid. They have to go in front of a judge and press the “Poor Me” defense. Cyber Ninjas attorney told the Associated Press, that the company had laid off all it’s employees and was now insolvent. Much in the same way Mega TV church ministries become insolvent, after the preacher is caught wearing the dead hooker’s panties.

But they’ve stayed too long and now, it’s too late to run. The Grifters Bible says a current railroad schedule is of vital importance to a long Grifting career. There is no, almost made it out of town. You do or you don’t, and they didn’t. Maricopa Superior Court Judge, John Hannah said, “The court is not going to accept the assertion that Cyber Ninjas is an empty shell and that no one is responsible for seeing that it complies.” Then upped their fine to $50,000 per day. Wanna play again?

The dust up has brought renewed attention from the local Rubes. “Hey wait a minute!” Says Barney Gumble,  “you said there was vote fraud and Twump won the election. We gave you six million dollars, and you came back with the same figures we already had! Champagne fountains aren’t a legitimate business expense!”

The Cyber Ninja’s paid $88,050 on recruiting from Craigslist. $5,243, 593 on Payroll and labor cost. For those of you unaware of the non-profit swindle, it works like this. The boss is paid five million dollars and they split the rest, and damn, we didn’t make a profit again this year. $1,182 ,971 for depreciation expenses. Depreciation expenses are generally used when the owner buys a new fry pot for his restaurant, or the plumber buys a new backhoe for his Septic Tank business. Just what assets are you depreciating for more than a million dollars? You don’t own nothin, except for those colored tables with the lazy Susans on them.

The greed takes over like “The Treasure of Sierra Madre” they can’t leave, until they get every last speck of gold from the mountain. Miscellaneous, 140,511 dollars. Friend, that’s a heap staplers and paper clips. The little stuff we didn’t keep the receipts for. Travel Expenses, $543, 871 or $61,000 per month and while Greyhound has great deals for frequent passengers. At sixty thousand a month, why not just lease a jet?

The Cyber Ninjas miscellaneous expenses were running at almost $16,000 per month. I worked for  a company with seven locations, 200 employees, a warehouse with two repair shops, and our miscellaneous expenses didn’t run 10% of that amount.

And that’s why Junior can’t play the damn Trumpet!

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