I’m Gonna Tell the Governor!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Years ago in Montgomery, they held a festival at the local Civic Center.  About forty local merchants had banded together to put this thing on. But there are certain things that you can’t do in Montgomery. Number one on the list among those is to give away free stuff. Even that word is seductive, “You can posses me, I’m free.” Like a shark frenzy, lighting them up like a shiny chum bucket.

It’s just human nature, to say free and then to throw in a room full of competition. Then like Hungry, hungry Hippos, it’s all free. If someone doesn’t beat, you to it! It’s all yours, if you can get there first. So, it was a Saturday, and they lit this thing off about ten in the morning. The Civic Center was all dolled up like the high school gym on prom night. A large crowd was on hand, anxious and borderline unruly. But with only a single double doorway blocking access from the riches of free stuff, the anticipation was palpable.

And when that door opened, it was black Friday at Walmart. In twenty minutes, the place was laid waste like Roman Legions had sacked it . Displays knocked over, banners torn down and signs advising: Take one only, ignored. Oh, the riches of free stuff! A free plastic shopping bag or a complementary of stick gum. A Matchbox car or a coupon, good for a free ice cream Sunday on my birthday. $5.00 off my next oil change! A mini screwdriver, a regular .95 cent retail value! A full color vinyl bumper sticker or a chance to win a free month’s subscription to the local newspaper. (Only one entry per family please!)

Nobody said it was good stuff, only that it was free. But after you live in Montgomery for a while, you come to find out that, even if the event turns out to be no good. The floor show always makes it worth your time. The parking lot at the Rodeo is way better than the Rodeo itself. If you really want to see something exciting, stay right here!

But we’ve all seen it, the over excitement. The person throwing fit at Home Depot because they were out of the advertised chalk line, and now they want a rain check for a $2.99 item. Taking the shampoo and conditioner from the hotel room cause all that Sauve shit, is about to break me. Don’t forget the coffee and sugar packets. I had a mother-in-law that would take half of my tip at the Restaurant when I wasn’t looking and give it back to my wife in the car.

The more money we have, the more tight fisted some of us tend to become. They want to use their money and power to obtain the things that they want, without spending their own money on them. It’s not that they can’t afford it. It’s that they just don’t want to pay for it. They want all the free bumper stickers and mini screwdrivers that they can lay their fucking hands on.

Mama Gaetz’s little boy Matt. Has been taking down the names of everyone who talked while the teacher was out of the room. He sadly reported to Death ray Ron DeSantis that a music festival was being held in Walton County (Ft. Walton) that was requiring proof of vaccination or proof of a negative Covid test within seventy-two hours. Of course, under Florida law, this is an egregious violation of the law akin to child molesting or animal cruelty.

“Regrettably, I write to inform you that within my congressional district, there appears to be a blatant violation of Executive Order 21-81, ‘Prohibiting COVID-19 Vaccine Passports,”– Mama Gaetz’s Little Boy

The music festival will feature 240 artists, over three days at thirty venues.

On official Congressional letterhead, Mama Gaetz’s boy Matt, writes the Governor of Florida to rat out a music festival. Placing them on the horns of legal liability and facing fines of up to $5,000 per day. But the festival organizers counter, that the Gaetz accusations aren’t true. They aren’t requiring vaccination passports or Covid tests. But what they are requiring is that Mama’ Gaetz’s little boy Matt, buy his own damn ticket to the music festival.

“He easily could have called us to clarify what our policy is or researched it by going to our website to verify there is in fact no vaccine passport,”

 The Congressman has attended the music festival in year’s past. And it’s not known, if he attempted this same shake down last year or not. As the Congressman’s office admits it has repeatedly requested “Complimentary Tickets” from the festival organizers.

Would anyone like to make a wager on whether Mama Gaetz’s boy Matt, got his free tickets or not? I’m guessing, he didn’t. Seems strange, he’d be so anxious to rat them out if he did. Who gets free tickets and then lies about them to the governor?

“Oh yeah! Well, if I don’t get those free tickets. I’m gonna write the Governor a letter about you! Then you’ll be sorry!”

A cheap dollar store huckster, bringing the electric heater back after the cold snap. Returning the big screen color TV to Best Buy, the day after the Super bowl. “It just doesn’t look right in my living room…now.” To a degree, there is nothing wrong with being frugal. But strong-arming music festival promoters for free tickets takes the cake. “You better give me what I want. Or I’m gonna, I’m gonna. I’m gonna tell the Governor on you!”

“Just as there are physical monsters, can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul? – John Steinbeck

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