This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

There is no joy in Mudville tonight, and strange things are afoot in the atmosphere. Republicans are refusing to bite the Tucker (TV Dinner) Carlson/Russia bait. Tucker thought that well, since he had always told Twump what to do. He could tell the rest of them, as well. “I once spoke to the people and now…I am the people. Every night, I tell America to stick their head up their ass and sneeze! So, you need to listen when I talk!”

The Republicans refuse to be led down a path that could find them on the wrong side of the fence, in a shooting war. “Just lay your head down on this block gentleman, like so. Push your collar down. Oh him, he’s not really going to swing that ax, Eugene. You’ll be fine.”

North Carolina Congressman and synthetic test human, Madison Cawthorn is suing the state. After being charged under a Civil War era law, about disloyalty towards the Union. About young Maddie’s activities on or about January 6^th.  Through his attorneys, they argue that the law is obsolete, because it was set up for a specific time and not for all time. And since, there was no actual “Armed” rebellion, the law doesn’t apply anyway. They will not be bullied or coerced into saying their client’s not guilty, but only that the law is broken and should be put on trial.

This is a good way to start Maddie’s reelection campaign in his brand-new district! Liz Cheney is amassing a major war chest. Manna is pouring in from the heavens, for her one lone voice in the wilderness. Liz with her slingshot, has hit the orange Cyclops right in the eye. She is the standard bearer for the Republican Party in absentia. And many who would not dare publicly help the rebels over the emperor, will quietly send a check. And everyone supports the emperor! Until they don’t anymore. That’s the tricky part; everyone is loyal, until they are not.

The pressure is building, and a new schism is forming. There are cracks in the plaster already and ain’t nothing been settled yet. Like a volcano, this thing is building and rumbling and belching smoke. This is like Watergate on Crack, where we waited for days and weeks, staring into little black & White 19” TVs for the revelations that now emerge nearly every day. The orange Apocalypse had tried to get Mike Pence to help him throw the Election. The orange Apocalypse had been trying for WEEKS to get his assistance in overthrowing the election! “It’s him again sir,” tell him I’m out. “That’s what I told him last time sir,” I don’t care, tell him I’m out!

Plans were afoot for an Executive order to use the military to seize voting machines. Now it emerges, this was the orange one’s preferred position and he was almost more the author than a fan. By this time Nixon, had done waved bye-bye into the California, San Clemente sunset. No vestige of Nixonite’s remained in Congress. No Marge Greene declaring, “Nixon was really good at playing horseshoes and was damn nice fella. Nixon’s was robbed!”

Texas Governor Gregg “Bubba” Abbott’s deployment of National Guard Troops along the Mexican border is turning into little Vietnam. Prolonged deployments unprepared for by the state and for indeterminate lengths of time. Spending incredible amounts of funds. With little or nothing to do, except act as a political prop in an ambitious state governor’s stage play. Governor Bubba is warning Texans to bundle up. It’s wintertime again and well, we can’t always be counted on to keep the power on, if it’s not cost effective. So, bundle up ya’ll! Good Texans don’t let other Texans freeze to death!

His cousin over in the Dumb shine state, Death Ray Ron DeSantis finds himself in hot water for refusing to condemn Neo-Nazis with any adjective stronger than “Jackass.”  All they did was hang Nazi banners across the highway to Disney World. Do you think that could hurt business, hmmm? Do you think maybe that could give the state a black eye, and possibly reduce tourism by tens of millions of dollars?

“Those darn jackasses!” The guy who parks in two parking spaces at the grocery store is a jackass. Public displays of Neo-Nazism, represent a direct threat to a tourist economy. With nothing to gain and everything to lose, DeSantis refuses to budge. Those are after all, also Twump voters, so they are his voters too. Florida says, “Welcome and Zig Hiel Ya’ll!”

A Republican candidate for the state Senate in Michigan is advising his followers to show up at the polling station armed. It’s a crime to brandish a firearm at a polling station, but so what? The glacier is cracking and breaking off into the sea to slowly melt away.

Twump’s sudden capitulation to crazy town, metaphorically running naked through the park, throwing daisies and shouting, “I’m guilty! I’m so guilty, ha, ha, ha!” Has left the others flat footed, what do you when you’re out there defending the boss and the boss suddenly admits, he’s guilty! Their individual legal strategies are now dust, since suspect number one has already admitted his guilt. It could make you look stupid to go out there and say there was no insurrection. Thirty minutes after the orange one told his followers to go out there and “Fight like hell!”

Now to find themselves in a growing dilemma. Twump’s confession undercuts them all, as he has not only admitted his own guilt, but he’s also admitted theirs as well. “Sure, we were all in on it!” Twump plays the nuclear option. “I’m not going down alone on all this, you know! Do you hear me ! I’ll take all of you greasy bastards with me! All of you who didn’t fight hard enough to help me steal this election!

Whether hearing the drumbeat of history or the hoof beats of a posse. They is a reckoning a coming to town. The old Twump order is breaking up, like ice on the river in spring.  Like all unsuccessful conspiracies, they break up with the conspirators running off all every which a way, they think is in their best interests. But the good times are now officially over…the jig is now officially up.

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli