This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It’s a comedy extravaganza, putting Bobo the clown into a rail gun and firing him some two hundred and fifty statute miles. Like living in a Marx Brothers movie, and wishing there was more Harpo. Sidney Powell, America’s number one most disgraced lawyer, tells the “shocking” truth. She’s suing Verizon (I hope she got a good lawyer.) attempting to block her cell phone records from being released to the January 6^th Committee. From her mouth to God’s ear. She says, that if those records are ever released, “It could cause her irreparable harm.”

I bet that’s right! I’d wager about 20 years’ worth of irreparable harm. “Your honor, my client maintains that the closed-circuit video taken during the bank robbery, could unfairly prejudice the jury against my client.” Now Powell maintains, and this is pretty standard fare by now. That her contacts and client’s information could be exposed, causing them harm, if the records are released. But a third party is always assigned by the court to go through the e-mails and delete the ones to “Chewy. com” or to the bar about your bar tab again. “I said, I’d pay at the end of the month. I just didn’t say which month.”

Damaged most assuredly if it ever got out, that you hired Sidney Powell as your attorney…

But certainly, if Powell had appeared on SCTV’s “The Farm Report” with Big Jim McBob and Billy Sol Hurok. She’d have blown up real good by now. Come on lady, cough em up. The nice Congressman wants to look at your phone records. Are you feeling, okay? You kind of look pale, then all of a sudden. “Look out Billy Sol! Here she goes!” It’s like I always say, “Act in haste, repent in prison.”

But it gets gooder and gooder as the Munchkins sing, “Follow the Yellow Brick Road!” We’re off to see the Wizard. Before long, Dorothy finds a mechanical man frozen stiff in the forest. I think he’s trying to say something. I think he’s trying say, oil can. No wait, he’s trying to say bourbon. Give him a shot from that jug of Wild Turkey. 

“Oh, I’ve been frozen here, for a longest time must be for over a year now. I once had a successful career; I was once the Mayor of New York. No really, I was. Don’t look at me like that. Google it then, if don’t believe me. Then, the Wicked Witch of the distillery, cast an evil spell over me.

She tricked the whole world, into thinking that I was nothing but a besotted old fool. And, in the mornings, it felt like a house had been dropped on me. Now a days, I only speak in opposites. If you’re going to see the wizard, could you please take me along, because I don’t want to go. I’d love to see the wizard because I don’t believe there is one.

“How can you have any confidence in this committee, which by the way is illegal,” Giuliani said on Tuesday evening on the electronic vomit portal of Newsfucks. (Now – not seen on Dish or Direct TV!) “I mean, it doesn’t have a minority membership. It really can’t subpoena anybody.”

We’ll Rudy, while you were out (cold!) the committee does have minority members. And, if you don’t believe the committee is legitimate, why are you in negotiations to testify before it? I don’t believe in the Emerald City, what time do we get there? If Big Jim and Billy Sol had ever gotten a hold of Rudy, they’d have blown him up… real good.

I want to tell you a story, and I want you to remember it, the very next time the public-school needs money. Remember that zero means nothing, unless you place those zero’s side by side. The local tag office needed to order 50,000 forms to stuff in the envelopes to renew your car tag by mail. (Before Internet)

But then, mathematics reared its ugly head when that zero quandary arose. The tag office had only ordered 5,000 forms by mistake. And 45,000 of the local citizenry, were now lined up outside the tag office to complain. Literally, lined up three deep around the block for nice spring day in the sun, away from their work and pay.

The only reason I mention it, is because it was the largest government screw  up, I’ve ever personally witnessed with my very own eyes. But Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick, puts that screw-up in the shade. (Karmas a bitch) Whatever George W. did in Texas a generation before, has now been forgotten.

After the Texas Republicans made it difficult to obtain a mail-in ballot. The Texas Lt. Governor sent a mass mailing to Republicans with an application and an envelope. But whoopsie! The envelope inadvertently told them to send the completed application to the Secretary of State. Wrongo! You need to send them to the county registrar and now, it’s too late to resend them before the March Republican Primary. (I haven’t seen such a total good job since the Ex-Lax took over.)

Twump has 21 days from yesterday, to give his deposition about his Merlin the Magician tax returns. After his accounting firm threw Twump into a tree shredder. Leaving him orange and naked as a Jay bird, without a legitimate financial statement. Causing red flags to be waved, wherever anyone was ever stupid enough. To lend Donald Twump even so much as change for the vending machine.

Rule One: All businesses must have a legitimate financial statement, or they cease to be legitimate businesses. Smelling blood in the water and soon to be replicated by the hundreds of other Twump creditors. A Congressional committee recommends the government cancel a lease with the Twump organization, because of it. “Let’s get out of here, before the Repo men arrive, and they start fighting over the furniture!”

It’s gonna soon get crowded in tag office fellas, better put down some tape on the floor. If Twump has lied about his assets on those loan applications. (Spoiler alert: He did!) Never mind prison, those loans become due in full, and payable immediately. It’s not schadenfreude, it’s poetic justice. The Tower of Fable is falling, and can’t get up. The lies have finally cross circuited the system. As the ghost of Fred Twump spends his eternity in hell, posting “For Sale signs “in the windows of his former property’s, “My son’s is an Idiot! Going Out of Business Sale!”

And from the Marge Taylor Greene Vocabulary word of the day, for the effluent:  Antithesis  – Def. What you’d call your mother’s sister, if she’s been named Titheisis.