Artificial Intelligence

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I fought the law and the law won. I was arrested and placed in Facebook jail on a charge of Bullying, in the First Degree. Just remember, artificial lemonade doesn’t have any lemons in it. So artificial Intelligence has no real intelligence in it. It’s all just a series of switches. The patterns of which decide whether to turn on the red light. On the out of order button, on the front of Coke machine.

A nice lady commented on my post, referencing the film “Office Space.” She said it was her favorite film. Now watch this, a little life hack that could keep you out of trouble someday. I said, “Me too!” You can see the dark threatening nature of the conversation forming already. Then I mentioned Milton, that ominous dark and threating figure from the film when he said, “No, You won’t get me to say it, not again!” But Milton threatened to do something in the film if they moved his office again. I mentioned that quote and was jailed for bullying.

It should be remembered that Facebook was founded by college students and still run in much the same way.  My crime had no victim and wasn’t referenced towards anyone in particular. They don’t read the conversation or the context, only your words. The artificial intelligence doesn’t know satire or comedy or subtext. Dumber than the Lost in Space robot, the first one! He knew satire and comedy! He knew when Doctor Smith was just yanking his chain, even if Will Robinson didn’t.

I was instantly jailed and charged three with counts of Bullying, despite only saying it once. Florida cops on an out of state license plate, I guess. “We’re charging you with speeding through a school zone on a Sunday night. Ain’t you never heard of Sunday school or night school, boy?” I asked my attorney what I should do, and he told me, “Nothing” unless I had a Cousin Vinny.

It was a typical case of Internet blind justice. You have no rights and don’t need a trial, as your charging document is the same as your conviction papers. Just stop for a second and think about how Orwellian that is. But think about this, Facebook only has one phone number for customer service, for all those billons of accounts worldwide. “Your call is very important to us!”

Winston Smith had a job that put groceries on the table at least. He had money to rent cheap rooms and buy bobbles, and still have a girlfriend and drinkin money. Ole Winston knew the difference between a movie quote and a bullying. You can’t say, *ill the lights! Or she *oisoned our relationship. She was great, she really *nocked me out. She was so beautiful, she *it me like a ton of bricks.

I received and e-mail from Instagram, saying they had noticed my distress at not being able to log in to my account. If this wasn’t me, please ignore the e-mail. “What? Someone is trying to log into my Instagram account, and your position is “never mind?” Don’t worry, if that was someone else trying to log in as you, just put it out of your pretty, little head.

But I was trying to log in, and the email had sent me a link to resolve my problem. When I clicked on that link it said, “Sorry, this feature is not working at this time. Try again later!” The Coke machine is out of order, can’t you see the red light?

I’m sure that running a social media platform is a lot harder than it looks. Donald Twump is still having teething problems trying to get his “Twuth” website up and running. Sometimes that’s a problem for older men. The two cheese whiz kids credited with creating the software for the project have resigned and returned to high school. Even after hiring Devin “Cowboy” Nunes, the project still suffers with “I give up” syndrome. As the authentication process is somewhat similar to obtaining North Korean citizenship or joining the mafia. To avoid trolls, they go through the applications with a head lice comb, which has led to a 93% drop in applications.

Twump is said to be so angry, as to be inclined to do or say things unrepeatable on Facebook. The orange tide comes in and the orange tide goes out, and some speculate the orange one is just losing interest. Just chalk up another one and hang it up on the wall with the airline and the steaks and the University. Those fortunate enough to be granted entrance to “Twuth” are treated to the Honolulu Halleluiah Beehive Hairdo Doo-Dah Choir. “I sure does loves me some Donald Twump!” Me too! “I wish he was still President.” Me too! “I hate the Democrats and Nancy Pelosi.” Me too! Obviously, this kind of wanton excitement could make a man ignore his job and family.

Facebook wants me to advertise with them, you know, like, spend money. But they reference my product like grandma’s floor lamp or that old motorcycle you don’t ride anymore. And for just ten dollars, will advertise my blog all the way to edge of the town. If I had a ten-dollar bill and used it to lite a cheap cigar, I would at least get a cheap lit cigar out of the deal.

A media communications machine that neither talks, listens or learns, a Salesforce without people. A censor without ears. Electronic NKVD blue caps ready to drag you away to the gulag on moment’s notice. “You said you went on Facebook to *ill some time, huh. Well, *illing stuff is agin the law round these parts here Sonny! I’m afraid, I’m gonna have to take you into custody.

Many years ago, comedian Lenny Bruce was arrested for saying “Blow Job” on stage. The next night with cops in the back of the room. Bruce began his routine with “excuse me sir, do you like it when your wife Blah’s your Blah? I mean, who doesn’t like a good Blah, blah? I know that I do, but she’s your wife and probably likes you even better.” A hysterical absurdity of words as too dangerous to say when interpreted by the twisted morally prudish. The same people who brought you Prohibition and the Salem Witch Trials and the McCarthy hearings.

Only now, they’ve turned it over to a B grade Sky net they’ve invented! Because it works cheap. Death before payroll! *trangle that golden goose, quick. Before it starts costing us pennies! “Gee guys,  look at it this way. It costs almost us almost nothing. Sure, the system is unfair, arbitrary and obtuse. But they can’t blame us if it doesn’t work. We’ve done our due Dillinger, and can count our millions and get back playing hacky sack all day.”

One thought

  1. Artificial “Intelligence”. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s also a bad idea to repeat an old Stephen Colbert joke, too!! I was guilty of, “Promoting violence”!

    Like

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