By David Glenn Cox
I do sometimes wonder when I hear the names Andy Biggs, Marge Greene, Lauren Boebert and Matt Gaetz, etc. Do they arrive to work in a normal vehicle? Or do they have a little clown car left over from Ringling Brothers that circles the parking lot playing calliope music, and they all carpool together. Paul Gosar is to address White Nationalists on the Fuhrer’s birthday, but blames the appointment on his staff. You see, he also attended last year and blamed it on his staff, and probably showed up without a gift. Does he speak to Nazi groups to impress his Republican friends or is it the other way round?
Josh Hawley complains the military aide for Ukraine that he voted against, is taking too long to get there. Matt Gaetz voted against capping the price of insulin. And all three of the stooges, Matt Marge and loopy Lowrun, voted against collecting evidence of Russian War crimes. Like Junior High School, everybody drop your pencils at ten o’clock! When they call roll answer, “Yeah whatever!” If they say to wear a mask because of a deadly pandemic, then make a show and pitch a fit about not wearing a mask.
Congressional Study Hall, maybe throw a few spit balls or take a nap until it’s their turn to make faces into the front of the camera. Maybe carve their name in the desk or carve “Eat Me!” with a penknife. Smoke a roach between classes in the boy’s restroom maybe. “Boys only! But nobodies looking or anything. The Juvenile delinquent squad is setting fire to the toilet paper rolls or dropping an M-80 down the toilet, their role is mayhem.
They are sent their scripts complete with talking points. Marge Greene’s “everybody is a pedophile!” wasn’t just a random thought set free. Their goal was to smear a Supreme Court nominee. Not because they had anything against her. The Republicans only complained when the TV cameras were on. “Hi Mom!” Take three deep breaths and get up a head steam.
Summon up some moral outrage and go tell the nation, that anyone who votes in favor of this women is a baby kissing pedophile. They know good and well that there was nothing wrong with this nominee, but just couldn’t pass up the theatrical aspects and possibilities.
Josh Hawley makes his paycheck blocking Biden nominees. Cause see, that makes him look tough and they won’t let him wear his red armband in the building. By blocking nominees, it is hoped to hamstring the Administration, by blocking key appointments to the Pentagon. That way no one will be in charge to run the show.
And maybe, then a crisis will come along. Ending in thermonuclear war killing hundreds of millions and destroying all life as we know it, but the Republicans will be able to blame Joe Biden. By hamstringing the Pentagon Josh hopes to damage the military. But only because the Democrats are in charge. Republican Ground Hog Day. Everyday is January 6th from now on. Go ahead, pull the fire alarm! They won’t catch you!
Critical Race Theory is a college level course. It is not taught in any Grade school Middle School or High School anywhere in Continental United Snakes, Alaska, or Hawaii. The Republicans are well aware of that fact. But they won’t that that pesky little detail, slow them down their campaign to stamp out Critical Race Theory in our public schools! The Republicans aren’t stupid, they just hope that you are. There are dirty books in the library, full of dirty words and even dirtier ideas! “Bung Hole!”
Florida Fuhrer DeSantis, hopes to make bank and political hay with his “Don’t Say Gay Bill.” Got them Bible thumpers right where he wants them. Salivating about salvation and chomping at the bit in a fine lather. “He’s standing up for our children!” For it shall be agin the law to talk about anything but the missionary position, between two married adults (Man and Woman) Under penalty of law in Floriduh schools or facsimiles of schools.
But Don Quixote is attacking another phantom windmill. Harken back to your own high school days. Remember how sex education was taught in your school? A fully trained and licensed PE coach, with an overhead projector and a whistle around his neck, or maybe some film strips. “Alright boys! Stop the laughing, this serious business!”
A Cornet film from the 1960s originally made for the army to warn us about sexually transmitted diseases. That’s why you should always wear a condom. “Alright boys, I’m not kidding! I’ll stop this film and we can all do pushups instead!” And then the man’s penis enters the woman’s vagina. “Alright boys! That’s it! Next time, I’m knocking heads! You ugly baboons should pay attention to this! On the off chance, some poor woman agrees to go out with you someday!”
Coach, my brother thinks that he is really a woman trapped in a man’s body. I say he’s just having homosexual fantasies, but he is certain that he wants the operation. What should I tell him?
“You tell him that his brother is about to get an office referral and two weeks of detention, if he doesn’t shut his pie hole, right now!”
“Coach, what’s necrophilia?” Ask your father.
“Coach, I find myself attracted to one my teachers in the Athletic Department, what should I do ?”
Do you want to know what to do son? I’ll tell you what you can do! You can start by giving me fifty pushups smart guy. And then, tomorrow, you can turn in a 500-word essay, on why you shouldn’t ask your teacher’s smart ass questions.
“Coach does feel weird? A grown man working in a boy’s high school locker room?”
That’s it! Office referrals all around! Now shut up and watch the damn film strip and learn something. Always escort your date to the door. Even, if she finds you creepy and repulsive. “Gee Peggy, I sure did have a good time on our first date. Would you… would you like to…? Attend an orgy with me!
Alright who said that? I got free pushups for jokers, you know! Now you boys shut up and watch the damn film.
We know now, why Don Junior has to call his dad’s Chief of Staff to speak to his father. Junior was texting about overthrowing the election, even before the election was called. All the crank theories are there, save for one.
The Republicans could appoint an alternate slate of state electors and let the Supreme Court decide the election. Or have the case returned to the House of Representative and let them decide with a vote along Party lines. The Republicans at this point knew that they probably didn’t win the election. The Republicans were making plans on how steal the election, even before they were sure they lost it. Even before they made up the lie that election was stolen from them. They hadn’t thought of that one yet. Don Junior had the whole list and that one wasn’t listed there. Because they hadn’t thought of it, yet.
Telling indeed, that all the strategies are represented there, save for that one. “Yeah, that’s it! That’s the reason. The election was stolen from us by North Korean pedophiles! The Republicans aren’t really that stupid, they just hope that you are.
“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”
― Harry S. Truman