To Make the Loudest Noise

Falling through the universe at the speed of life (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)

By David Glenn Cox

I don’t like the Disney Corporation. I don’t like their products or their business model or their practices. I believe them to be soul and creativity destroying oil companies of children’s minds. Greed sucking avenging angels rampaging as children’s advocates. “If you’re daddy leaves this property with one dollar bill still in his pocket. Or one credit card that doesn’t want to talk with him, we’ve failed.” But that being said, when it comes to the “Don’t say Gay” Bill in Florida, they are as innocent as Snow White. Before she met “Horny” that eighth dwarf that Disney homologized out of the story. If anything, Disney is perhaps too innocent.

Conveniently silent as the bill wound its way through the Fascist Florida Dumah. Only a formality really, to a hick crowd of state legislators dreaming of cabinet positions and ambassadorship’s that might be available one day, someday. If they go along with whatever bullshit, Governor Doofus comes up with trying to help this sawed-off clod get his fat ass over the fence. In a Post Twump world, the statement “Anyone can grow up to be the President of the United States.” Takes on an entirely new and frightening connotations. With the accent being placed squarely on anybody.

Disney had avoided comment, because obviously there is no winner here. No matter what they said, someone was going to leave butt hurt about it. So, when finally cornered said, we don’t personally like the bill but will try and work against it, behind the scenes (aka checkbook). Trying to convince them over a few beers. Not to be reactionary knee jerk Fascists anymore, kowtowing to a would-be Fuhrer in the hopes of ill-gotten rewards in the future. Sure, that might work.

It is most important, almost job one. For a Fascist regime to have an at least one public enemy to fight. Multiple enemies are preferable, but one will do. Someone to blame things on. Until the politician is just a beleaguered fireman putting out fires caused by all these “Wreckers, minorities, and fifth columnists.” I really didn’t want to do this, but they made me fire or sue state employees. They made me threaten the school board. I didn’t want to, but I’m fighting for you. So don’t you dare question me. You know how you are; and this was all your idea!

Fighting about masks or dirty school math books, or a private police force loyal only to the Governor. Fighting with cruise ship operators, so it was only an eventuality before Death Ray Ron would finally get around to fighting with Disney. But why would a state’s Governor, go after the state’s largest employer? The generators of untold wealth in Florida coffers and the authors of many a large political campaign donations. Isn’t it obvious? Ron doesn’t plan on staying in Florida. Death Ray Ron DeSantis is ready to fight for Washington, if it takes every last job in Florida to do it.

Over in the Faux News cinematic universe, it was a slow week avoiding Republican sedition, Donald Twump and a popular Supreme Court nominee. So, when Chairman Ron shows up at Faux News door with stories about wokeness, the Faux News screw were all mouse ears. Woke! They are “woke” everybody! Do you hear me? I said woke! Disney is “woke,” Pedophiles get half off in the gift shop! You see, Pedophiles are the new flavor of the month for the Republican Party. You’re either with us or you’re a pedophile. Pedophile is the new “Liberal”, the new “Communist!” I bet Hillary Clinton is a pedophile too and George Soros and everyone ever accused of anything and everything by Republicans.

Chairman Ron is using Disney’s squeaky-clean image like a baseball bat and beating that mouse over the head with it. Sure, it might hurt Disney some at the gate. Tax revenues might dip a point or so. Maybe some of the blue haired ladies against freedom might even have a heat stroke, holding their protest signs at Disney gates. But Chairman Ron gets national attention! He’s, our leader! All hail Chairman Ron! He’s protecting our children from “woke” pedophiles. And I’m gonna fight and fight and fight! I will not rest until we get rid of every single. A. Liberal B. Communist C. Pedophile D. Minority or E. All of the above! They’re “woke” everybody “Woke!”

Like Saint Patrick before Chairman Ron will drive out all the “Woke” pedophiles from leadership positions inside Florida. Cowboy Ronny is going on warpath with that “Woke” invisible Native American tribe and looking for a shootout. A champion for all Americans who don’t believe you have a right to your own opinion. Do you know who has their own personal opinions? Woke, Liberal Gay Communist Pedophiles, that’s who! You’re either with us or you’re the target of our next political campaign. (But don’t say Nazis)

Chairman Ron will be the next Obergruppen Fuhrer of the Untied Snakes or will be on his shield. Saddle up Rocinante and find us that next windmill to attack! Where does Disney get off? Largest employer in the state literally bankrolling the whole area. Where do they get off thinking they have a right to their own opinion in Florida? Where do they get off thinking that they can voice their opinions or freely disagree with the Governor or his legislative package?

You know, I was looking for a new enemy just like you, when you happened to come along. Because you see, I’m blowing this swamp infested pop stand of an overgrown gator farm and Mosquito ranch for bigger and better things. I need someone to run my phony culture war against. To help create a Faux News cinematic crisis. Where I’m somehow the good guy. Fighting against the evil “Woke” corporation of secret Liberals, who have always helped to keep Republicans in power in Florida in the past.

But you see, I’m not running for office in Florida anymore. So, I couldn’t care less about Florida. I’m running for President against the “Woke Corporations” who have dared to have their own opinions in the lost lands. To think that it’s come to this, openly disagreeing with the government. “All Hail Chairman Ron! Death before disagreement!”

To make the loudest noise by beating on the loudest drum. To slay the biggest fire breathing imaginary dragon with his largest imaginary sword. To fight the culture  war against evil doers everywhere and against free-thinking radicals, longhairs and HBO watchers, staying up after midnight. You know who you are, you pedophiles. Only pedophiles dare disagree in Florida. (But don’t say Nazis)

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