By David Glenn Cox
One of the things you learn living in Cleveland, Ohio, is about the media. Cleveland is due west from New York City. Where the media live and breed. Near every winter storm approaching New York City is described as apocalyptic. Once in a lifetime, blizzard of the century! Schools are closed! Church services Cancelled! They’re airlifting pregnant women out of the region. The National Guard has been put on standby, and the governor has ordered half a million body bags.
This could be it folks, God in his vengeful wrath will take no mercy on his poor sinners this time! Even our greatest literary giants with a hundred ball point pens given a lifetime, couldn’t describe the dark diabolical forces we face this weekend.
We’re Doomed! Doomed! The same forecast in Cleveland would read; “Heavy Snow Forecast this Weekend” Churches are open and don’t be late for school. Bars and taverns are doing a land office brisk business with the trades. You can’t scare people about snow in Cleveland. No one would watch a weatherman crying about snow or “Bad Storms” in Cleveland. “Yeah, we know already, shut up.”
But their philosophy remains the same. Godzilla is always on the next block and was last seen moving this direction. It could be the end of the world, but first, this word about car insurance from another lizard you know and trust! Maybe you won’t watch or won’t be interested, if we say Godzilla is three blocks away just chillin on the corner. Picking his teeth with what’s left a commuter train car and looking for a place to take a fiery dump.
Make them care or make them scared. “And that’s how the fireman got “Wiggles” the puppy, to get his head unstuck from the sewer grate. And little Susie promises from now on, not throw dog treats down the sewer grate anymore! We now have officially unconfirmed reports from unreliable sources. Of confirmed formerly unconfirmed reports now deemed credible. Of a three-hundred-foot-tall fire breathing lizard creature headed your way, now back to you.
“You know what? If Joe Biden doesn’t cancel all my student loans and I mean double quick baby! I’ll, I’ll, I’ll vote Republican! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! (Ha-ha!) I’ll send this country right to hell! Are you listening Joe? I’ll take any last chance we have to save our environment and flush it right down the commode, if you don’t cancel my student loans toot sweet. I’ll destroy my kid’s future! I’m not bluffing here Joe; I’ll do it! Where’s that sample ballot? There it is, right there! I’ll vote for Marge Taylor Greene or Matt Gaetz or maybe even Dr. Oz! That’ll show em not to fuck around with me and my student loans!”
That’s right, according to at least one news story per day. Godzilla will bite the heads off the Democrats in a nationwide wipeout if Joe Biden doesn’t immediately cancel all student loans. Principled Americans concerned about equality and racial justice, not to mention the Supreme Court, abortion or the environment will just chuck it all away and say, “Fuck it! I’m teaching Joe Biden a lesson here!” and hand the country over to the Republicans. Go ahead, put Charles Manson charge, I double dog dare you! And remember, it’s only gets to be the end of the world just the once, so plan ahead.
The media has it all worked out, that Donald Twump is running for President again. They write about it as if, he’s already announced. Because they want to hear Godzilla roar. He’s coming to get you, “roar”, you better run! He’s just around the corner!
Write this down, Donald Twump ain’t running for President again anytime soon. His popularity is in decline even with his base. There is no case in recorded human history of an unpopular politician, suddenly catching fire and becoming popular again. “I don’t know, maybe we should just give him another chance. I mean if Joe Biden isn’t gonna cancel my student loans or anything. Let’s just burn this sucker to the ground!”
Donald Twump is a 75-year-old retiree from Florida, with personality disorders. Who eats badly and doesn’t exercise enough. His rallies to nowhere continue to decline in attendance, until it becomes just obvious. Spending big dollars, just to play pretend, to play remember when? But Godzilla knows the game and smiles for the camera, playing coy to keep the boys working. “I can’t say just now, check back with me next week. And the week after that and then maybe, the week after that. “I’ll be right here fellas. Nowhere else to go, nothing else to do, but take online donations and cash checks, so I’ll be waiting for your call.”
There was a time when former Presidents were asked to give commencement addresses at prestigious universities. Yeah right, un huh, that’s gonna happen. “And no matter how far your little university degree takes you. Always remember, you will never do as good as me!” Then they will elect him President of the United Steaks again.
Twump is being put on hold when he calls the Reich wing media outlets. The all-new 1957 Desoto! It’s all new for 1957, and just same as last time, only again! Only nuttier and even loonier than before, and pay no attention to those indictments. They’re all just politically motivated witch hunts, going after everyone committing felonies on their taxes.
But if Twump doesn’t run, the media will have to invent a whole new Godzilla. Start from scratch with with a whole new narrative, on a clean sheet of paper. Sounds expensive, labor intensive and a lot of hard work for someone. And I had plans this weekend! Going into Republican primaries with a bunch no name nobodies. Really gonna hurt the ratings, if Twump doesn’t run. It means nothing but hard for all of us. Not because they are biased, but because they are lazy.
“And if elected, I promise to personally hunt down and beat the crap out of Mickey Mouse. And Pluto better watch his step too, if he knows what’s good for him and doesn’t want a knuckle sandwich!” Ahh!
Comedian George Burns once said that he had the easiest job in show business. Because all he had to do was walk on stage, light a cigar and say. “How’s your sister Gracie?” It’s easy to understand a similar arrangement between Twump and the media. Guaranteed boffo at the box office, amusing some and scaring the shit out of the rest. The perfect storm, “Godzilla lurks under every bed…even yours, especially yours!” I’m juss voting against all of them pedocycles in Washington.
“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.”
― George Orwell