By David Glenn Cox
I want to tell you a story about a mouse, but not the one you’re probably thinking of. I was watching my daily tranche of Ukraine videos and saw one about a Russian KA- 52 attack helicopter. It has a very unique design of two sets counter rotating rotor blades. It gives the helicopter a unique look about it. But as I watched this one on the ground with its engine running. The missiles and pods vibrated wildly and the whole machine shook and thundered as in “I’m not getting in that thing.”
Now I’m certain that once you kick it down off of a high idle and fly it, it probably performs a little better. But vibration and aircraft don’t mix. So successful, the design is imitated by no one worldwide. An engineer with clever idea and a good sales pitch. “We can turn two sets of rotors at once!” It sure sounds like a real good idea.
Until you start to think about balancing two sets of rotor blades moving in opposite directions from each other at a high rate of speed. The adjustment of those rotors and the safety inspections required for a machine under such dynamic pressures shaking like hell, even part of the time screams, “hanger queen.”
My buddy in high school had a 68 Camaro. Built engine with camel hump heads and the biggest damn camshaft a dumbass teenager could ever slam into a car like that. Mickey Thompson 50s on the back with a jacked up rear end, you get the picture. “Officer! Teenagers in a loud Camaro, probably smoking something wrong!” The car shook badly, and speech was impossible during periods of acceleration. You could still feel the car tingling inside you even minutes after getting out. One day, while stopped at a light in this shaking universe, the radio knob fell off all by itself. The radio broke itself due to intense vibration.
But what we’ve seen over and over is poorly maintained Russian equipment. Tanks belching out blue smoke, needing an injection pump or a set of rings. Tanks missing equipment, soldiers missing equipment and officers just missing. With a pronounced inability to preform effectively at all levels. Barely more than a uniformed street gang, robbing, murdering, and marauding as they go. Everyone dresses like they work in the motor pool, and nobody seems to shave very often. It’s unlike any military I’ve ever heard of.
It is also unlike any military that Vladimir Putin has ever seen or heard of either, and heads are rolling. Moving vans are packed and loaded for Siberia. It makes me think of R. Lee Ermey. The Marine Drill Instructor turned actor, who electrified the screen as a Marine Drill instructor, Gunnery Sargent Hartman, in the film “Full Metal Jacket.” A level of serious and authentic intensity that says, “They ain’t playing around here, they mean it. Fuck around and find out.”
So, I’m watching this video of a shot down KA-52. And as they go through the wreckage, they find a box. Inside the box is all the computer hardware and electronic circuit boards and such. And as they kicked the box over, a dead mouse fell out. Now, I’ve lived up north and know that those little critters can get everywhere. But I also know that somewhere in the maintenance manual written in Russian, it says somewhere on that page, “look around for critters occasionally!”
All I could see was Gunnery Sargent Hartman losing his shit. “Which one of you slimy sons a bitches left a mouse in my beloved Marine Corps helicopter! Who’s mouse is this! I will PT you to death! If you’ve seen the film, you know that his character was easily upset. If you think the jelly doughnut scene was bad, just imagine a dead mouse in the computer pod. And that angry face asking you questions without waiting for answers.
The Ukrainians will take credit for shooting down the helicopter, but we’ll never know for sure. It might have been the missile, but it might have been the mouse. He put his one little foot on this electric doo dad and reached up and grabbed that silver thingy trying to hold on in a world full of shake. Finally, thrown on to the power source, meeting its maker shorting out the computer and shutting down the engine.
Very important keeping critters out of the machine. They act only for themselves and don’t think about what damage their nibbling could cause. The old adage says, Republicans run to the extreme in the primary and to the center in the general election. Who can garner the most attention? Who can be the most extreme?
“I know, I’ll start a phony truck inspection gambit at the border and blame it on Joe Biden. Then, I’ll be the most extreme conservative Republican presidential candidate!” Tehas Governor Bubba Abbott’s nibbling will cost several hundred million dollars of other people’s money. Take a bow, stand up here on the power source.
Meanwhile, far away in Roach hotel, Florida. Ron DeSantis plans his next move, after removing Disney’s special relationship. Exposing the state with upwards of a billion dollars in liabilities, without collecting one additional tax dollar. You just got to shake your head and marvel at that sort of play. Go ahead hit em again Ron, it’s only a billion dollars a swing! You teach them a lesson Ron; how dare they, they can’t talk back to you like that. It’s not about the money, it’s about the principal. Because it’s not Ron’s money, and he has no principals.
Punching Mickey Mouse at the awards show for a joke he told about Ron’s wife marrying a dumbass. Creating a huge kerfuffle over nothing. How often does the subject of sexual orientation really come in the first thru third grades anyway? Do you like boys or girls? “I like ice cream.” Ron outlawed talking, proving he was the most extreme conservative Republican candidate. Maybe we should outlaw the teaching theoretical physics to first thru third graders. No telling what could happen, if one of those little bastards accidentally opened a worm hole or something.
Critters in the machine chewing on the wiring of the helicopter that they themselves are flying in. We need tote board for the dollar and job loss. Still months away from the first primary in a heated competition of irrational imbecility. At war with the state’s largest employer or at war with the state’s largest employer at the border, for absolutely no reason other than to make self-aggrandizing headlines.
The critters don’t care if they crash the helicopter or the state’s economy. Put thousands of people’s livelihoods at risk. The critters just want to eat and stay warm by making headlines. They wish to showcase for you what a great job they are doing, fighting against with the wind.