By David Glenn Cox
If you think a pig getting a pen & pencil set for a High School graduation gift is funny, you like absurdist humor. The old TV sitcom “Green Acres” is the dividing line. In absurdist humor, the world is absurd, yet everyone acts as if it’s completely normal. The pig can talk, and everyone can understand him but you. The telephone is on top of a pole and the same the TV western is on TV twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week on every channel.
Finally, the TV execs said, “That’s enough, that’s too weird even for us.” An episode where the farm hand spoke in Martian with sub-titles. You might wonder what I’m on about, but it was Death Ray Ron DeSantis Leader and Obergruppen Furher of the Free Orange stinking Republic of Florida. It was he who took me to absurdism. I had considered, maybe a chart. Number of days/hours since Ron did something competitively stupid. He really lacks substance and becomes one dimensional when you look too closely.
He isn’t funny looking like Ted Cruz or prone to make stupid statements like Marge Tater Greene. Oh, they are stupid alright, but a guarded stupid. Knowledgeable enough to know that its stupid beforehand, signaling that he doesn’t really believe it himself and is only selling shit for Shinola. Cassius has a lean and hungry look, like a pimp owed money. He’s Lonesome Rhodes and ain’t no one gonna stand in his way. I got the people right here in the palm of my hand. Now, I become the people! And the people are telling me, “Ron… you should really run for higher office.”
Now Ron has signed into law an order mandating by government mandate and enforced under the color of Florida law. That all Florida schools teach at least 45 minutes on the evils of Communism. “You see children, under the Communist authoritarian system, some big, big shot or party boss. Decides what you’ll will be taught in schools in the form of a government mandate.”
Then the schools must waste their time teaching the children stupid shit and boring them out of their ever-loving minds. The pledge of allegiance, then don’t have sex kids, then don’t do drugs kids! Followed by Lunch and then, listen to my interesting thoughts Communism before “Dare” class, then square dancing in every way possible, all at once and then study hall and French horn.
The Party of dirty books and grooming attempts grooming, because they don’t trust any system of government that would allow people like them to rise to the top. Now, I went to a liberal High school wrapped in the warm bosom of America’s upper middle class. We were not only informed of Communism, but had it thrust upon us as required reading, those clever liberal bastards. We were required to read the Communist Manifesto and be prepared to answer questions. 15-year-olds + Communist Manifesto = bored school children. Children who will always equate Communism with a real bad high school experience.
We aren’t Communists and didn’t become Communists because we know what Communism is and what it is not. That in every case so far at least. The Communist government is actually only a Right-Wing authoritarian dictatorship falsely representing themselves as “the people.” Oppression in the name of “You ain’t oppressed enough yet.” Masquerading as the Left, while actually a Right-wing Authoritarian dictatorship.
But to the starving peasant or cell phone factory slave the politics is too fine a point to much matter. Perhaps that is the ultimate failing of Communism, too idealistic and too easily corrupted by the cynical authoritarian right. No matter how many nickels you put in the slot machine, it comes up Stalin every time.
Famously, in authoritarian dictatorships, the courts are as crooked as a country back road and dependable as the morning dew. They won’t ever let you down Johnny. “After careful deliberation, we’ve decided to do what we were going to do anyway all along, even though we promised not to. Regardless of what you might think or how you people feel about it.” Signed this day, the people.
So, as you can see, a pen & pencil set is a fine gift for a pig graduating from high school. Nothing surreal going on here. I guess we can squeeze it in teaching it between coloring and nap time. Ron’s worried, “Do you understand? Communism Bad! You got it? Hey, McFly, look at me when I’m talking to you! You see, we’re putting new cover sheets on all the TPS reports now! Did you get the memo?”
And by my hand this November 7th Florida will celebrate “Victims of Communism Day!” Just so you won’t forget, mark your calendars now. Its state mandated the children be taught of the evils of Communism. It is also state mandated that the evils of Capitalism should be hidden from their eyes. The children mustn’t hear or read about the evils of their own past. They can’t be trusted to know the truth and it will only stir up hard feelings. They can’t be trusted with books that run counter to the state mandated theme. Books unapproved by the boss. The man that makes all the decisions about everything for everyone.
Education is telling both sides. Propaganda is telling only one side. Bits and pieces sewn together from remnants of the story; we wanted you to hear about. How America Stole, I mean, built the Panama Canal. An early agrarian farming technic was known as “Slavery” which helped to build our strong American Nation. The Native American population though largely exterminated through genocide, were given gambling casinos as proof that entrepreneurship really works this country.
I as your Governor herein referred to as “The people.” I sign this proclamation that your children shall be taught of the evil system we oppose. They will be warned about their tendency to overreach their bounds and before you know it, you’ve got an authoritarian government on your hands. The children will not be told about the labor struggles or race riots, or the millions forced into poverty in the robber baron factories or sweat shops. Nor, sharecropping or the Grange or the Molly Maguire’s or child labor.
Teach them to think by providing them the correct answer first, instead of leaving them in the intellectual lurch and making them wonder. Teach them, to know that they aren’t as smart as you. And to trust and not to question, that your proclamation was the right thing to do. After all, you are the governor and know everything about everything for everyone. “Look, if he says the schools aren’t teaching enough anti-communism rhetoric, I say we get on the stick. Maybe the students should say the Pledge of Allegiance, twice a day. No wait! Every hour on the hour!”
Just God forbid a bunch of Communists take over. Issuing mandates from party bosses and telling people what to do and what to think. Under the Communist system I would be oppressed, but under Right wing Fascism. I’m still being oppressed, but have the illusion of economic prosperity and riches falling like manna from heaven someday to fall back on. If I pull that plow hard enough, someday, I’ll reach that carrot!
“A really efficient totalitarian state would be one in which the all-powerful executive of political bosses and their army of managers control a population of slaves who do not have to be coerced, because they love their servitude.”
― Aldous Huxley
What servitude? Didn’t you see? The chocolate ration is going up!