By David Glenn Cox
Imagine a hypothetical scenario. You’re standing in a US immigration court about to go before the judge to tell your story seeking asylum. As you wait, the man in front of you falls ill and is escorted from the line. Then a judge bangs his gavel as the bailiff pushes you forward. The judge then asks, is your name Manuel Gutierrez? You answer, “no.” Without any notice the judge says, Mr. Gutierrez, we have some reliable information here that you are wanted on warrants in Jaurez, Mexico for murder. “But I’m not Mr. Gutierrez!” That’s not what you said a second ago.
Now under the new ruling of the subprime court, no wrong has been done. Because you see, there is this invisible line that the average person can’t see, called American Justice. And under the theory of American Justice, only Americans can have it. “You immigrants and foreigners will just have to watch from a distance and mind your P’s and Q’s. Because this means you!
It’s pretty great having all these rights and stuff, so we must guard it closely, and make sure it doesn’t get loose and spread to everyone. The subprime court ruled that immigrants didn’t have any rights, if someone makes a mistake. That’s a right only available to bonafide, natural born or naturalized American citizens, and Gutierrez is just on the wrong side of that line!
Now available from Amazon, your very own Trojan Horse! It looks like a court, and it talks like a court too, but it’s actually a political agenda dressed up in black robes. Listen, as it repeats verbatim what it’s been told! Amaze your friends! Be a hit at Republican parties! Astound the world! This is simple legal theory; anyone can do this. You only have rights in an immigration court if you’re not an immigrant. Only Americans have the right to do overs, and only them for another year or two.
The tie goes to the runner, and court deserves the benefit of the doubt. But from the moment the Conservatives have taken over this court, its actions seem very reactionary, and agenda driven. Like they’ve been parked outside and just waiting for the car wash to open. They’ve moved too quickly and stirred the sleeping lions. The court is the artillery of oppression and strikes from a distance, throwing thunderbolts from high on Mt. Olympus.
You must respect the rulings of the court, because they are the final arbiter of all disputes. And if our rulings and actions seem very political and un-American, too bad, deal with it. Clarence “Gate Mouth” Thomas pleads that we should all respect the court, unaware, he’s one of the primary causes for the court’s disrespect. Bozo demands you take this court seriously, as he squirts you in the eye with his flower. The court rules: Immigrants have no right to a fair shake or a square deal. Only Americans can have that in America!
“This land is my land! This land is my land! This land ain’t your land, this land is my land. You don’t get fairness; you don’t get nothing; this judge was made all just for me!”
On this side of the invisible line with proper paperwork and ID. You entitled to all of the rights and guarantees the Constitution can muster. But without that proper paperwork and ID. This man could be charged, convicted, and deported, for willfully impersonating Mr. Gutierrez. And for wasting the court’s precious time with his foolish shenanigans.
Oh, That’s absurd, that could never really happen. Pankajkumar Patel has lived in the US for thirty years. On a Georgia Driver’s license application, he ticked the wrong box and made himself a criminal in the eyes of the law, by claiming to be a citizen. But lacking any evidence of an intentional crime and because it’s not against the law for an immigrant to apply for a driver’s license in Georgia anyway.
The charges against Patel (Yes, charges!) were eventually dropped, and yet, you wonder where all the tax money goes? Keeping you safe from radical immigrants seeking a driver’s license, stealing your jobs and baby formula, that where!
The Department of Homeland Absurdity then rejected Patel’s green card application. We have laws against people like you! Dirty cheating lying immigrants trying to take our jobs and steal our baby formula. Our laws prevent immigration status adjustments to anyone who “falsely represents . . . themselves . . . to be a citizen of the United States” to obtain a “benefit under . . . State law.”
Enough, is never enough. The Department of Homeland Absurdity then began deportation actions against a man living here thirty years, without criminal offense and having three children born in this country. (Obviously a sleeper cell!) Mr. Patel then re-filed his green card application, repeating his claim that his action was unintentional and not against the law anyway. The Immigration judge was unmoved. The judge ruled that Patel did it on purpose. To get that benefit, steal that job, load up the car with baby formula and head for the border! “Come on, fess up Gutierrez!”
Then trying the 11th Circuit Court for justice, the court ruled it lacked jurisdiction. Because they only handled cases where people had rights. Patel appealed again, the court ruled that though there were many precedents hard to ignore, there was some “Statutory” language which precluded them from getting involved.
And so, the issue finally arrived at the subprime court, teed up like a belt high softball.
Notwithstanding any other provision of law . . . and regardless of whether the judgment, decision, or action is made in removal proceedings, no court shall have jurisdiction to review— (i) any judgment regarding the granting of relief under section . . . 1255 of this title.
And they wonder why we don’t respect the court, when it’s this type of difficult legal reasoning, is why we avoided law school in the first place. Long hours in library’s studying about the differences, the millions and millions of differences, between Law and Justice. Politics and prostitution, between officiating absurdity and judging the hog calling at the county fair.
[U]nder the majority’s construction of subparagraph (B)(i), individuals who could once secure judicial review to correct administrative errors at step one in district court are now, after its decision, likely left with no avenue for judicial relief of any kind. An agency may err about the facts, the law, or even the Constitution and nothing can be done about it. – Neil Gorsuch
“It’s the finding of this court that while this man before us is not actually Mr. Gutierrez. It is beyond the scope of the court’s ability to do anything about it. While this man may claim to not be Mr. Gutierrez . And we know that he is not actually the Mr. Gutierrez in question. The court rules that Mr. Gutierrez should be extradited to Juarez, Mexico to stand trial for murder. Bailiff, take Mr. Gutierrez into custody.”