The “Um” People

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

CONFIRMED: It’s official, Donald Twump declared unelectable by Republican Party officials. It’s not news that Twump is unelectable, but it’s news that they will now so freely admit it. “Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it, cause it took so long to bake it.”

“Ooh, ooh that smell, can’t you smell that smell.” After Twump protégée’s fared no better than the control group at the polls. It’s time to recalibrate and set their watches to Republican Mean Time. I got 14:59, how about you Andy Warhol? They’ve followed on the Pied Piper and are now lost in the woods. “Wha da we do now Yogi?” Next is we hate on that guy, Boo, Boo. Never liked him for a minute. I was just going along with the crowd. “But what if they don’t like it, Yogi?” Then we agree with them!

The Republican Party plays a double game called. “You can’t tell the “um” people.” You just don’t mention him anymore around the “um” people. They “um,” can get upset if you say or mention that Twump didn’t win or there was really nothing wrong with the election. You can’t “um,” say that in front of them.

So, there is the reality gap of the things which are commonly acknowledged to be true but aren’t officially acknowledged to be true by the “um” people. Dueling realities, two for the price of one, on the poor dental hygiene and dueling Banjo circuit.

You can believe the world is flat and still use a GPS, just stay away from the edges. You can believe the election wasn’t stolen, while acknowledging that Twump was robbed. The January 6th insurrectionists were criminals or patriots or criminals or patriots. “Your opinion is our opinion too.” They should give them a medal and throw the book at them.

Nothing wrong with repeating a few Q-anon conspiracies. No reason to think that should disqualify you from  a serious candidacy. You only say those things where the “um” people have gathered. You know, in safe spaces. The places where good ole fashioned ethnic humor is still appreciated.  It is a sign that their political movement is bankrupt, and the wheels are starting to come off. Anything can be true or false at the same time, because they are so desperately trying to hold on to the dying spotlight.

The trial balloon called the Subprime Court leak has bludgeoned them. Proof it was a trial balloon by the way it backfired so spectacularly. Have they ever had a leak like that before “um”? Have they ever had court like that before “um”? Whatever the Latin translation for chicken shit is. We’ll leak this one (snicker, snicker) Lest they get angry. To give them time to cool off before November.

The most unpopular ruling from the Subprime court in a generation strike one. A demographic Tsunami of younger voters who spent their formative years reading about other schools or their schools, being shot up and their compatriots senselessly murdered. And every time it happens, they hear Republicans talk nonsense about doors or God. Remember how grandma was about the Great Depression? How it got up all up close and personal next to her and she never forgot about it!

Abortion, Gun control, Subprime court, January 6th. The Republicans are on the back foot on every issue, and many have gone to ground. Like Jack rabbits and armadillos, when the going gets tough, hide until it’s over. Ted Cruz, the man who put a face to body odor, lost out in musical chairs. But they told him that he won and they’re going to let him be their point man. “Go ahead Ted, tell them. Sure, it’s unpopular, but we don’t like you anyway.”

They turned on widdle Madison Cawthorn. He was too much on one side of the reality curve and not enough on the other side. While Liz Cheney is too far out of round on the other side and deficient in her crazy scale assignments. She wouldn’t play ball and was declared enemy numero uno. And now, maybe she was right, but there’s no need to talk about it. Both edges of reality at the same time with no center. The center was Twump, and fat Elvis has left the building and his throne awaits.  

The orange one becomes an anchor chain around their feet, he can no longer help to win elections he can only help to lose them. The forecast is cloudy with 100% chance of getting worse. The sad old man at the bus station, watching all the busses pulling away all day, while he sits there unnoticed. The world moves on without him, he used to be someone. Now, he was someone once. The grand old man who no one listens to anymore except “um.”

It’s an orange conundrum: if you need Twump voters to get elected. Then you probably don’t need Twump votes to get elected. In a safe district, they’d elect any Charlie Manson Sherriff if he had an (R) behind his name. But if the election is close, then a Twump endorsement could sink the boat. He can only help you if you don’t need him and could only hurt you otherwise. “Tell him, I’ll call him back on Tuesday.”

That solves the problem of how to get rid of him but doesn’t solve the problem of filling in the hole left behind. Untangling the spaghetti and getting the lights turned back on. Nothing left to rebuild on, He’s worked that special Twump magic on the Republican Party and left it in ashes. Friend, when Ted Cruz is your point man, you keep your bags packed, your gas tank full. And familiarize yourself with the works of Rand McNally. You can’t trust a GPS, living that close to the edge.

The party of assault rifles and stumble bums. Of insurrection and murder, crooked courts, and dirty cops. Q-anon, tin foil hat theories and Hunter Biden’s laptop. A glass menagerie of bull shit and good old-fashioned hokum. “It’s the doors everyone! The doors! There are too many doors in schools! Problem solved everyone “um”!

“As the interpretation of reality by the power structure, ideology is always subordinated ultimately to the interests of the structure. Therefore, it has a natural tendency to disengage itself from reality, to create a world of appearances, to become ritual… Increasingly, the virtuosity of the ritual becomes more important than the reality hidden behind it.”
― Václav Havel 

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