It’s Magic! It’s Law!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life
Photographer: Drew Angerer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

By David Glenn Cox

Jim Jordan, America’s favorite towel boy and locker room attendant is back in the news. After calling the story of a raped ten-year-old child leaving the Ohio wilderness for civilization in Indiana “Another lie.” Viewing Jordan is very insightful, because of the way he blocks out reality. Another day, next day, and the very same Jim Jordan says, he never doubted the girl’s story. Now that the story is out and confirmed, he never doubted it, after publicly dismissing it.

Nothing less than selective reality, if it doesn’t fit their personal mindset, dismiss it out of hand as “Another Lie.” Somebody just said that trying to make us look bad. Everything goes through the Winston Smith filter and their enemies are everywhere. Truth is only a point of view. If it makes the Republicans look good, then it’s true. But if it makes them look like a bunch of brain dead morons who should have known better than to cloak their religious beliefs into law, it’s another lie.

It was only a matter of time before a little girl showed raped and pregnant at the courthouse. And the Republicans seem shocked that such a thing could ever occur. Unaware, that it happens all the time. It’s ugly and awful, put it away I don’t want to think about bad things. I want to pretend that bad things don’t ever happen. It wasn’t too long ago, a woman in a vegetative coma in a nursing home, turned up pregnant.

But no, we don’t have to let it upset our world, not if we don’t talk about it. If we live in our dream world where everybody has everything they need, and nobody ever does bad things. Then we needn’t trouble ourselves with concern for others because it never really happens in the first place. Very little room for nuances, everything is either all good or all bad.

Rape bad, call cops and make arrests in this horrible, horrible crime. “We want all the rapists off the streets of our fair community and purple mountains and majesty and stuff. Just say no to drugs kids! Meet, McGruff the crime dog! Let us all meet on the fifty-yard line of life and pray the evil away. There, I feel better already, how about you? We kicked evil’s ass with that prayer.

You pray at the fifty-yard line because you need public acclimation that the holy hoopajoop really works. “See, we all believe this way! Except for you! What’s wrong with you? Get on board the train to glory and we will all pray for your salvation, but you won’t get anything out of it. But we will feel much better for it. We all prayed for you!”

Prayers that Jesus is watching over our children in this athletic competition, and will keep them all safe from injury, fumbles, and intercepted forward passes. I know that you that you are busy running the whole universe, oh lord. But if you could keep a sharp eye out on the boy’s here in Podunk High during the game, we’d surely appreciate it.

High school cheerleaders are going to get pregnant and high school football players are going be responsible. Human sexuality is human sexuality and there ain’t been a goody two shoes religious text in the world written yet, that can stand next to it. It’s more of that dream world, if we tell the children that Jesus would wait to have sex. Then a lot of them will eventually turn up pregnant and ashamed for letting Jesus down like that. And after all the trouble he went to and all the trouble of protecting the football team and look how you act?

If we tell them Gay is bad, despite Jesus never saying a frigging word about it. We can introduce shame into people’s lives. We could force them into traditional loveless marriages until both people are destroyed by the fraud. Just think, the missionaries went all the way to Hawaii just to tell those poor happy natives about hell. They’d never heard of the place. And they were all shocked that a righteous god would allow such a place to exist.

The big black book of fairy tales lists all the items which piss God off and Christians are free to pick and choose which of the rules they wish to abide by and which they choose to enforce on others. But only in the name of love and Christian charity.  You see, they have the secret answer to a secret question of life that you and I, don’t know anything about. We should let them have their way because their God is (always right) and always on their side.

In their motel nightstand narrative, marriage is defined as one man and one woman, but it doesn’t say that anywhere. Solomon had hundreds of wives, but that’s different. Jesus never married; how would it look for the savior of the universe to be rolling a trashcan out to the street in the morning? Living in a suburban bungalow with little bicycles and toys scattered in the front yard. Would Jesus cut the grass on a hot summer Saturday or just miracle it away when nobodies looking, like an episode of Bewitched.

Supernatural, the belief that magic is real and really happens all the time. My faith says that magic is real…sometimes. If God want’s it to be. Dead people can come back to life sometimes and sometimes food falls from the sky, but only when we’re lost. We were lost in the desert and the food was great, but directions. Directions out of that hot dry stinking desert, that would have been really awesome.

Zeus throwing lightning bolts and Sisyphus pushing on his boulder. (The original Rolling Stones) Hercules working on his twelve labors. No. 4 – Get prayer back into Greek public schools. No. 5 – cut taxes for the affluent and godly nobleman. The mixing of religion and politics got even the mighty Hercules into trouble.

That’s why when Jesus was asked about mixing religion and politics, he said to render unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar and render unto the lord that which belongs to the lord. That’s why Jesus was a champion for the separation between church and state.

Jesus knew that politics cheapens religion and religion cheapens politics. One is based on a belief in magic and the secret holy hoopajoop and the other a knowledge of human nature. When conjoined, if one is wrong then both are wrong. So, if Twump is wrong, it means…the church is also wrong, when they claim infallibility.

But it’s nice to dream too and imagine that everything is going to be alright. No troubles or worries, if we just believe in magic. Everything will be fine; I have unsupported assurances of a better life and a better life to come even after that. How can you top that? It’s magic! How could you not want magical invisible superpowers to rule over the Earth? Only a heathen from some dark underworld could be against that. In the name of god, someone disembowel that heathen! You never seem to have a red-hot poker or a rack handy, when you really need one.

“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.”
― Mark Twain

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