In One Single Goosestep

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

It’s hard to tell sometimes, which stories are bottom feeders, and which are just foisted “Good Balanced” stories. “Is Joe Biden too old to run for reelection?” I dunno was Ronald Reagan too old? No one asks, “Is Twump too old to run?” despite clear signs of mental degeneration. And when you consider the point from where we started with Twump, it could be considered downright frightening. That’s the name of the game to keep you worried and keep you on the defensive.

“The Republicans are nine feet tall and are going to take away the electric light! And the Democrats are just going to let them do it! Merrick Garland plays with Lego’s at his desk all day. Oh, me oh my! I’d say old Merrick’s as busy as one-armed paper hanger working like Christmas time at Macy’s.

I hate to interrupt this disaster report. To mention that the House of Representatives are doing a masterful job of explaining to the American public the criminal actions of the Republican Party. Republican confidence is shrinking like a peepee, in a cold swimming pool. Candidates like Dr. “I’m from New Jersey” Oz and Hershel “Duh what” Walker dampens their optimism.

What’s the difference between Herschel Walker and his Democratic opponent Ralph Warnock? Warnock knows the correct number of children that Herschel Walker has fathered.

Voter registration is way up a 1,000% in Kansas. So, the actual numbers might be small, but they point the way. The Arizona state troopers teargassed 1,500 women in Phoenix but wait until it’s 15,000. You ain’t seen nothing yet. It’s going to be a long hot Climate Change November!

Have you ever noticed how the focus is always on what a dirty dog Joe Manchin is, but not the Republicans he votes with? More electronic ink is spilled on Manchin than on Mitch McConnell and Ted Cruz combined. He would be what the Russians and the Republicans refer to as a “useful idiot.” A paintball target, a sin eater, cleaning up after the slaughter. A designated distraction. “Look what he did!”

The decision to strike down Roe couldn’t have come at a worse time for Republicans demographically speaking. The millennials have taken over from the baby boomers as the largest voting bloc. And they are profoundly pro-choice and profoundly liberal. That’s why safe Red states turn Blue, but Blue states don’t turn Red. “I was a watching a review of the 1960’s film “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” as seen by a millennial. She was shocked at some of the attitudes, and I was too. So, what, a Black man wants to marry a White woman, so, what?

The irony being as the Millennial saw it, your daughter wants to marry a John’s Hopkins educated surgeon and you have a problem with that? A doctor, that’s even better than a butcher or a plumber! But you can’t put the genie back in the bottle and that’s a good thing. I’m so glad that she couldn’t understand it.

Ted Cruz runs his pie gobbler about the correctness of Supreme Court rulings. I wouldn’t trust Ted Cruz to tell me about the correctness of a bus schedule. But fools rush in where angels fear to tread and imitation is the sincerest form of Republicanism and country music. So, Ted suggests that maybe the Supreme Court was all wrong about Gay marriages. It can only be described as a death wish by the Republicans. Ted Cruz is swinging from the monkey bars shouting “look at me! Come, hate us now!”

Back in the old anachronistic days of “Don’t ask and don’t tell” the Republicans got burned with their stance against Gay marriage.  They forgot that these millions of Gay people have brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers. It’s easy being against “Them and their secret agenda to turn us all Gay!” But it’s hard to be ugly to family. Hard to willfully make things difficult for people you know and love.

But they just can’t resist putting signs on things or as Marge Tater Greene calls them “Fake Parents.” Is that like Fake News? Alternate realities? Jesus yelling at Joseph, “You’re not my real father!” Joseph was a fake parent too. Adoptive parents are fakes, just attacking anything. Whatever it is I’m against it! Because a Republican is not judged on the value of his or her content, but only on the volume of the content.

Mitt Romney says, “If Twump attempted to call a witness that would be real bad.” It’s good to know that a Columbia education wasn’t wasted. I think everyone who’s ever watched an episode of CSI knows that calling a witness is a no, no. But Mitt is establishing himself as the voice of reason. He’s willing to admit after days of confessions and eyewitnesses. That the possibility exists that Twump might have done something wrong. But he’s still trying to figure out that part, in the first light of dawn.

Mitigating Mitt says, let’s take treason down and split difference and just call it poor decision making. “Garsh, he shouldn’t have done that. Gee, making that phone call was suspicious.” And dumb, if Al Capone wanted to tell you something, he wouldn’t make the phone call himself.

But it is the splintering of the old Republican packet steamer on the rocks of the Twump Reef. They don’t know what to say anymore, so they all say something different. And it really doesn’t matter, because  it’s all about the buzz anyway and the volume of the buzz. Take your pick, the Republicans are against everything and in favor of nothing!

A gang of pirates and cut throats shipwrecked and stranded and looking for another pirate ship to commandeer and another prize to take. Facing a tsunami of angry voter reactions. The money is on the other side, but the numbers are on our side. So, do expect more news stories, “Is Joe Biden too old? Garsh inflation sure is high! Darn that Joe Manchin!”

But let me ask you a question? What would the Republicans do to solve inflation after cutting taxes for the rich and loosening environment regulations? They would cut spending causing a recession and making things worse for working folks in the long run. I’ll get rid of my headache by dropping and anvil on your foot.

The Republicans are the party of “No.” No to rights, no to decent wages, and no to decent schools. No to decent healthcare. The elimination of political correctness by the forced mandated correctness of theology. Promising us all a golden future on a burning cinder of a planet with plenty of guns and the anger to use them. Voting Republican is suicide, disloyal and seditious suicide. From Conservative to Nazi in one single goosestep.

“Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that’s on its mind and can’t make itself understood, and so can’t rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving.” – Mark Twain

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