By David Glenn Cox
“Whaa!” Somebody needs to call the Whaa! mbulance. Republicans are dropping like seniors at the Jitterbug marathon. First, we have the sad, sad tale of young Madison Cawthorn. Just like dog poop on your Florsheim’s just when you think it’s all gone, he’s back. He has money woes this time. What happened to all the money little boy? (Shakes head slowly and looks downcast) And what’s this payout for $3,000 to some place called “Papa’s Beer” all about?
Unbeknownst to Republicans and most of the general population is the requirement to keep all monies for the primary election, separate from funds collected for the general election campaign. Cause sees, if you don’t win your primary election, you must then return all that money collected for the general election. Because you ain’t going to be in it. Well, who wants to try and guess the rest of the story from here? Somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred to a hundred fifty thousand dollars short.
But give him a break; he’s only been in Congress for two years. Well, two years come November. But it’s one of those law thingy’s and he is required to pay the money back. Now, if you remember from our last installment of “Take the Money and Run.” Young Madison was affiliated with a Crypto coin venture named “Let’s go Brandon.”
And the suckers were brought in, in biblical proportions and slaughtered in droves. With just the usual pump and dump scenario. “Take my Money! Please! What do I need with a 401K? I want me some “Let’s go Brandon” Crypto coins and some legends of NASCAR collector plates!
Our Conservative hero was the poster boy for the “Let’s go Brandon” crypto coin. He’s under investigation for this as well, by the Securities and Exchange Commission. But could it be, that he was left out of the loop and sheared, just like the rest of the sheep? Apparently, he doesn’t have the money. Because if he did, he could have paid these debts quietly, without another damn investigation cranking up. Or maybe, it’s just another volume of “Curious George Goes to Washington” and mayhem ensues.
Jaba the Twump, gave one of his inspiring two plus hour-long stream of consciousness speeches. Just like Fidel or the Ayatollah. Church services normally only last about an hour, so if you are listening to two plus hour-long speeches from the orange Ayatollah, you are in a cult. Plus, I’m sure that there were also opening acts to consider. So, Dennys will probably be the only place open when this thing wraps.
If you are still in the cult at the point in the lifecycle of the cult, you are officially a dead ender. Fighting to the last from the Reich Chancellery, with no hope of victory.
Failed skin care consultant Steve Bannon stands on the burning deck shaking his fist, “I’ll get you, my pretties. Just you wait! I showed that judge what for and I’ll show that prison what for too.” Steve has two choices, go down fighting and mouthing off and receive the maximum two-year sentence. He is a man asking for the maximum sentence.
He will be so disappointed if he doesn’t receive the maximum sentence. That judge could destroy him with a 60-day sentence. Because, if he’s doesn’t go down fighting and mouthing off, he has no future at all. There aren’t any more big Presidential job offers coming his way. Either Conservative victim de jure or unemployed bum.
Two years maximum and with good time, maybe Steve will be out of jail before the election. And maybe Twumpism will still be alive without him. Maybe, he can stir the embers of the good old days, remerging from prison. The magic eight ball says, “Signs point to no.”
So, this is it for Steve ersatz Joseph Goebbels wanna be, keeping the faith in the clink and keeping the flame of fascism alive for his own purposes. Maybe he can find another stooge to promote or maybe write his memoirs in obscurity, subsidized by the Boys in Brazil.
There has been a lot of talk about time travel. Personally, I don’t believe in it. If you take your time machine back a year before the day you were born, you don’t exist. Time has never heard of you. So how could you be operating a time machine, when you don’t exist? How does this time machine not only transport you, but exempt you from the effects of time travel? If you take your time machine to see the end of the world, don’t you die too?
But I’m willing to listen, as it appears Congressman Matt Gaetz has been living in the 1950s. Gaetz made a speech to the Conservative youth group, “Hypocrites for Irony! And Up with Some People! You know who you are.”
“Have you watched these pro-abortion, pro-murder rallies?” Gaetz asked the crowd at the Turning Point USA Student Action (can’t get a date) Summit in Tampa. “The people are just disgusting. Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions?” – Time Traveler Gaetz
So says the man who buys sex from teenage prostitutes.
But here are the Nelson’s, here’s Ozzie and Harriett. David and Little Ricky and their cousin Matt from the future. Whadda mean there aren’t any loose women in town? “Well, its 1950s Cousin Matt. You might get to second base with Sara Johnson, but you’re going to have to buy her chocolate Sundays all week long!”
But apparently, time travel doesn’t make you any smarter as the famous Gaetz levity failed to quell the room. He immediately went to his “A” material and began a series of “fat” jokes. Attempting to reduce the most serious issue of our time with sophomoric hijinks and hilarity. Stunning even a cult crowd with his cloddish barbarian buffoonery. Apparently, Gaetz believes that the only children raped are the cute ones.
But it is yet another example of the end, the squeezing and smashing of the tube trying to get the last drop of toothpaste out. Bannon, Gaetz, Cawthorn and Twump are fighting to keep their movement breathing. As it is beginning to fail and break apart. So, they reach back with all they’ve got and pull out the most extreme of anything. Attempting to preserve their movement for just one more day, no matter what the cost.
“In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.”
― Hunter S. Thompson