Exit Sandman

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Exit Sandman, as in Nick Sandman.  The obnoxious braying overprivileged sixteen-year-old turned Republican victim of media malfeasance. Oft remembered as that kid from a private school on a field trip to Washington D. C. with his buddies.

Who it appeared, mocked, and baited a Native American man, while he was performing a ritual. Who then claimed that it was he Sandman, who was the victim of the murderous conspiratorial hand of the big media and the kid was being vilified unjustly.

Why with this publicity and notoriety, maybe the kid can go a long way. From private high school to private university and maybe even someday, the extreme court!

“Do you know what we should do? We should sue! We should sue everybody who ever said mean things about us. Everyone knows the media slandered my little boy, and we won’t rest until we get a seven-figure settlement out of it.

Because in bizarro world, a mature adult performing a ritual is on the same credibility plane as a sixteen-year-old boy off on a field trip and out of the gaze of immediate adult supervision. And if you found beer in their hotel room, you’d believe them when they said that they found it?

Have you boys been smoking? “no.” What’s that smell? “nothing.” Unfortunately, for Sandman, lawsuits are settled in jurisdiction of and for the state and county of reality. His lawsuit against all the big media with all the big checkbooks was dismissed in Federal court.

They will appeal, but have no further comment at this time and no future comment in general. They lost and as they say in the legal biz, “case closed.” The losers always say that they will appeal. (Raised hand in an angry clinched fist Josh Hawley style.) Just you wait! (pitch rising) We’ll be back! (Falsetto)  You haven’t heard the last of the obnoxious kid on a field trip!

A court case which hung on a single word, “Blocked.” CNN and the New York Times and other news outlets, specifically used the word “blocked” to defame young Sandman. So, that he would forever be maliciously labeled to the entire world by the merciless hand of big media as the “Block Kid.”

But Sandman circles offered that Sandman was only standing in front of the gentleman, a mere inches from his face. So, the Native American man was free to move in any number of other directions that Sandman wasn’t blocking at the time.

So, the media used that word “blocked” to defame the kid on purpose, just because, and they will appeal the case and be made to pay and pay. Because without an appeal, he’s just another private school dunderhead who can’t play sports or ace tests, looking for a free ride. “What did you put down for extracurricular activities on your application Nick?”

I was involved in a national news story. Where I was unfairly accused of being an obnoxious high school kid, on a field trip to our nation’s Capitol. Because big media is always out to stifle and slander the Conservative points of view.

He has a Constitutional right to be obnoxious, but he doesn’t have a Constitutional right to collect for it.

But Donald Twump is suing everyone in the media too. He says that the media has been telling lies about him and about his lies from the mythical election interference in 2020. That’s right, Twump will now sue the media for telling the truth about his lies. It sounds a lot like Desperation Street.

“And we’re going to execute all the drug dealers and build that wall so high, that you’ll need oxygen to get over it! The crowd is beginning to fade as hot is to cold, as new is to old and fall is to winter.

Wait a minute! Come back! Come back! Where are you all going?

Even Faux News is moving on and leaving Twump behind. After a Faux News straw poll found Twump in second place. Twump immediately slammed Faux and its Psycho Super Fiends as no good anymore. But if only, as the Republican Party has let orange abomination know. That if he runs again in 2024, the national Republican Party will immediately stop paying his considerable legal bills.

A legal conundrum as once he announces that he’s a candidate, he’s not the former President anymore. But they say Twump wants to announce his candidacy early, rather than later. To take advantage of his name recognition and deep pockets. To make the Republican opposition bleed out their treasuries before the real contest even begins.

Announcing early is Twump’s last chance to rally the faithful unmolested, around the Kool Aid tub and grasp the last rays of the movement in the setting sun. It’s the parties last chance to unload him as a financial drag going into an election cycle. With lovely parting gifts including Rice a Roni, the San Francisco treat. Samsonite luggage and considerable paid legal bills. “Don’t call us child, we’ll call you.”

But like Scrooge, it’s not the legal bills of the past which trouble him, it’s the legal bills of the future. I’ve seen enough Mafia and organized crime films to know that when the Feds get a hankering to look at the text messages on your attorneys’ phone. The ones involving you and him talking about sedition and treason, that’s a real bad sign. If this were “Goodfellas,” there would be a helicopter following him right now.

Time is of the essence as the Twump year blimp is losing gas and altitude. It is important to get the suckers on board early, but financially troubling. The circles around the drain are getting smaller and smaller, as the perils become ever larger.  

Twump becomes more bizarre and bellicose each day, but is largely ignored. A failed and fatally wounded candidate, destined to bring the Republican Party to a historic disaster. A pyric Twump victory, if he can’t run. He could cripple the party financially and if he does run, he could divide it and destroy it altogether.

If he doesn’t run, he faces prosecution. If he does, he faces a historic defeat and prosecution. The Republican Doctor Frankenstein’s are trying to turn the monster off, before he gets to town.

“Either this man is dead, or my watch has stopped.”
― Groucho Marx

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