Approaching the Mooring Mast

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

It was that moment, frozen forever in the public consciousness. Michael Dukakis riding with his head sticking out a tank hatch with a Snoopy pilot’s hat on, trying to look tough. Instead, it had the opposite effect, and he looked Snoopy in a Michael Dukakis hat. Republicans claimed the Democrats were soft on defense.

So, the campaign’s answer was to put Mike in a tank and let the engines roar and the camera’s run.  To show America, Mike really was tough. That was it, that was the moment when it all fell apart.

Followed by the moment, “Jetson you’re fired!” George Bush the Elder, had his moment examining a grocery store scanner. Curious George investigates the shiny new big machine like he’d never seen one before, because he hadn’t. The President doesn’t do much grocery shopping and shouldn’t be expected to be a grocery store hardware expert.

But it was the image of the President of the United Snakes, curious beyond fascination at an everyday household item. A wild man from the jungles of Borneo, seeing a flush toilet operate for the first time. That was George’s moment.

Howard Dean hollered a victory scream that signaled defeat. He was trying to be tough and emotive, but it came out weak and shrill. Like a rooster left out in a rainstorm. That was it for him; he’d had his moment. Nixon got caught smoking, when a candid shot caught the Nix with cancer sticks.

LBJ picked up one of his dogs by the ears to show a reporter that it didn’t hurt the dog any. It didn’t hurt the dog half as much as it hurt LBJ, and he never did it again. That dog’s howl was nothing compared with the howl of animal right’s activists.

But Josh Hawley has had his moment too, and it’s all down hill from here on. He can never lose that moment, no matter how hard he tries to run away from it. Heroes run in Josh’s family, it’s just too damn easy, like shooting fish in a barrel. And he’ll just run, run, run until the mob they steal the elections away! “Run, run, run.”

And the fates have turned against him as well, Josh was famously photographed defiantly cheering on the mob with his January 6th  quasi-Nazi authoritarian salute. Only to cost him his book deal with Simon & Shuster. Josh responded, it was a clear attack on his 1st Amendment right to be an asshole and he would see them in court!

Well, he hasn’t seen them yet, and probably never will. It was just the usual Republican bluster and threat of litigation. Whenever someone else expresses their freedom, they’ll sue!  Angry children stomp their feet if they don’t get their way. The Republicans threaten litigation.

So, Josh is going the self-publishing route. Navigating perilous waters indeed, in that it’s your own money invested in the printing. Political books are hit or miss affair anyway. With lots and lots of freebees to be given away to Reich wing fundraising groups and televangelists with talk shows. And they won’t settle for paperbacks, no sir, they want the genuine article.

With a book, any talk show has a reason to put him on and to put us on. Especially, if a Conservative TV network that wants to talk to Josh, but can’t find any good reason to do so. “Our Special Guest tonight!”

But oh, cruel fate! His Nazi salute cost him his book deal and now his Jessie Owen’s impersonation, winning the hundred meters with his hair on fire. Has sullied his new book about manhood. I remember a few years back; a Republican published a book on virtues.

It was later exposed the author had a chronic gambling addiction, and was up to his eyeballs in debt. He had to stay away from towns that sounded Las Vegas. Because he had used his celebrity to have credit extended beyond its normal limits. From people with a colorful adjective in front of their one other solitary name, like Fat Tony or Murdering Johnny.

The old saying goes, that people who live throw stones shouldn’t go near Lake Mead. But Josh is a contrary and does the opposite of whatever the others do. When others walk, Josh runs. God, do you see how easy that was? So, what to do? What to do? Stand up against something that almost everyone else is in favor of.

Sweden and Finland want to join NATO in the wake of Russian aggression, and it’s supported by both Republicans and Democrats alike. But Josh fears, that now is not the time to increase our obligations in Europe. Josh insists that China is our true adversary. That a well-armed, well prepared and united Europe can only encourage further Chinese aggression, meaning trouble for us in the far East.

Sweden has one of the best Air forces in Europe. But Josh maintains that bringing two more well-armed guys with us to the gang fight could be dangerous.

For China, for China, for China (Secret Josh Hawley nickname.) Josh wants to talk about aggressive activities taken by China, while neglecting to mention actives taken in response by allied nations. He’s trying to change the subject and pontificate on his own foreign policy expertise. (none)

Trying to create a phony missile gap. Trying to spin gold out of straw and trying to gin up an issue, where there isn’t one. Josh is a tough fighter, why you just look at the videos of himself he posts on You Tube, and he’ll tell you!

Josh never runs away from the tough issues. (just too easy) Josh “Barney Fife” Hawley, the shakiest gun in the West with a bullet at the ready, in his top pocket.

The Bible tells us, “Act in haste and repent in a firestorm of public criticism.” The Republicans and Josh “scat man” Hawley had voted down the Burn Pit legislation. It was an attempt at the political holding of one’s breath until azure and the stomping of one’s feet, until the band comes back out.

Senate Republican submarine Joe Manchin had made a deal with the Democrats. The Republicans discovering the scope and magnitude of this deal became enraged. Stabbed in the back by one of their own,  a regular West Virginia Judas.

Enraged and kicking over trash cans the Republicans cried, “Oh yeah? Well, you know that burn pit legislation that we agreed to in the Spring? The one touted by the President, well, now we’re against it and it’s all your fault! Happy now? Look what you did! So there, you just go tell those veteran’s groups tough titty! And tell em why too!

After the Republicans voted the bill down last week, Mitch McConnell says, he expects the bill will easily pass this week. Because this week, Republicans really  care about veterans. While last week, the Republicans didn’t give a shit about veterans, but then some damn fool turned a camera on.

Josh Hawley isn’t afraid to change his position, sometimes quite rapidly. Might as well smoke a few Marlboros, while picking up your dogs by the ears. Driving a tank screaming at the top of your lungs, while wearing you your Snoopy hat.

Modern technology allows us the ability to freeze frame the exact moment, when Josh Hawley’s career and political future explodes in a fire ball, while approaching the mooring mast. That grinding sound of the hull hitting the iceberg. It is a truly sad spectacle, and I’m going to enjoy watching every minute of it.

A video tribute to Josh Hawley and the Republicans,

Jamison! Take a letter to my lawyer!

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