Stirring Up the Monkey Cage

By David Glenn Cox

Bob Dylan said it, the times they are a changing. But don’t stand in the doorway, don’t block up the hall. Bobby always nails it on the head. Republicans will get their Civil War. The one that they are so itching for. Only one problem, before they can fight in the feature event. The must first conduct a Civil War inside the Party. Call it the preliminaries, call it the warmup act.

Now, for those who keep score, the Federal government is the undefeated and still the reigning champion at defending its crown against sedition. From the Whiskey Rebellion right up to January 6^th, undefeated. I remember back in the sixties; back when they were burning down ROTC buildings and bombing selective service offices. And twenty-five years later, the FBI was still looking for them. The government isn’t fast, but they are persistent and have a long memory.

So future revolutionaries might want to consider that in their calculations, before throwing that silver dollar across the Potomac. Where do want to live in next twenty-five years? And under what name? You can hide but you can’t run. Federal inmate or Federal fugitive, take your pick. Remember Tommy Lee Jones in “The Fugitive”? You could be the guy he’s looking for! Just remember, make friends very carefully and make certain, your ex-wife doesn’t know what you are up to.

Irresponsible Republicans (Most) at the ooey gooey center of the Republican madness meltdown are supporting a theory that the IRS has shock troops with automatic weapons at the ready. And are about to swoop down on Joe Six pack and Sally Bank Manager for their political beliefs. Why? Because they are gullible fools, that’s why!

It’s the Mercury Theater of the air presents: The War of the Worlds every night on Faux. “And Nancy Pelosi was last seen in her eighty-foot-tall three-legged walking machine headed for New York.”

They’ve got these Bozo’s so bamboozled, that they will believe just about anything. The IRS is coming to get you, for no other reason than your political beliefs? I’m no expert, but that sure sounds like paranoia to me. An invisible monster is out there plotting against you. And even though there is no proof of any kind, you are still certain that the monster is real and out there. Because people who make a pot full of money by talking every night, told them so.

“Bill Clinton’s Alien love child is attending Harvard on an Affirmative action scholarship! Or is your car out of warranty? Why sure, we will give gladly give you a new engine, if you forget to put oil in yours for a year or two. Sure, that’s how it works! It’s like a MENSA outing to Wrestle Mania! Look Stepen Hawkins, I don’t mean to rain on your parade. But see, the band instruments aren’t coming. We had to shoot Old Yeller and there is no Royal None Such.

There was an episode of “The Beverly Hillbillies” once, where Granny got hooked on TV Soap Operas and went after a disreputable TV doctor with her shotgun. Who ever dreamed it would come true? That the ignorant could no longer tell the difference between reality and paid hyperbole. “And theys out there and have it all wrote on papers and such, en er gonna git us. ” The night of the long knives, where Joe Biden conquers America, by putting all the Conservatives into concentration camps!

Mitch McConnell holds up a peanut butter jar containing the lifeless dead corpse of Tinkerbelle. Admitting in the middle of August, that the pipedream of the Republican Senate control was only stems and seeds. It’s not really important that he said it, but when he said, it. Admitting defeat in August, is a first in my recollection. Eeyore bracing himself, “Oh no, we’re gonna get our ass kicked again!” Admitting the red wave was no more than a spring rain puddle, a shrinking rain puddle.

But because paranoia is their central organizing principle, they are easily turned against one another. Matt (thank heaven for little girls.) Gaetz is trouble with the home folks. His opponent simply pointed out that when Donald Twump supports you. He goes all out and full throttle in his support. And yet, he hasn’t done that for Gaetz. Like the Monsters Are on Maple Street. Just plant the seed of suspicion and watch it grow. “He’s got a two-way radio set in his basement. And he’s talking to somebody at night!

And before too long, Gaetz is a suspected as the mischievous malingering mole of Mar a Lago. The stoolie of Stalag 17. No different than a mob movie or the Sopranos. Who are the Feds going to get to rat out the boss, if not the guy they’ve got hold of by his short hairs already. One good look at little Eddie Munster tells you not to talk about anything important, with him in the room. Voted most likely to rat us out three years running.

But I guess that’s the fun part of paranoia. All you have to do is think it is so, and it’s so. Now, who else do we all know who is paranoid and also likes orange cosmetics? Gaetz is going to have to strip down to his boxer shorts in the courtyard, before Twump will let him back in the house.

“Look, I dunno know who you are, but I’m not Donald Twump! And there are no crimes going on here. I know, I might sound a lot like him, but I’m not him! My name is ah, ah Dan. Tell me stranger, what’s your business here?” Don, it’s me, Matt! “Matt who? I don’t know any Matt, ask my lawyer. I don’t know any of them either.”

A Party divided, looney tunes with pizza parlor conspiracies and secret plots and what used to be Republicans before the drugs took hold. Hunter Biden’s Laptop or Hillary’s acid washed e-mails. Too stupid to understand that you can’t acid wash electronic communications.

Too stupid to understand that that man on TV? He makes a fine living by stirring up the monkey cage. And if he wants to continue to earn up to his potential, he must continue to rile up the monkey cage. For the people they put “Do not take internally” on the gas pumps for and “Point away from face” on fireworks.

There is even a conspiracy theory that Barack Obama is planning to “Seize” Texas and Joe Biden will just let him do it. You know, because they are friends and all. Now outside of the absurdity of the whole thing. You just gotta ask yourself, what would a smart man like Obama want with Texas? What would he do with it? “Citizens of Texas. I am your new lord and master Barack the First! Worship Me! And build my pyramid! I command it!

Holy sheep shit! They will believe anything; it doesn’t even have to make sense anymore. The Republican Party is in a death spiral. His court appeals exhausted, Lindsey Graham must testify in Georgia to committing election fraud, just like Twump will someday. And as the pressure builds, the extremity builds, as a bulwark against the realization of having been played for a sucker.

“Because there are three classes of intellects: one which comprehends by itself; another which appreciates what others comprehend; and a third which neither comprehends by itself nor by the showing of others; the first is the most excellent, the second is good, the third is useless.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli