Absolute Zero

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Ten years, now we’re talking. A former New York City cop receives a prison sentence of 120 months for his Jan 6th activities. Sometime around 2033 or 2034 he will be released from Federal prison. Twump will be gone, and MAGA will be long gone. Just he alone will remain, a forgot fossil of a scant remembered blip in the memory bank.

Gone is his home and his quiet retirement. His future is an orange jump suit and for big day out, a trip to the commissary. For his defense, it was argued following the well-worn path that he had been unduly influenced by the ravings of Donald Twump. It was all Twump’s fault. “My client tackled that policeman in self-defense! And beat him with a flagpole in a little Twump inspired fraternal horse play.”  

“Your honor, I’d like it noted in the record that my client is a stupid, stupid, stupid man. A retirement check, Social Security, Medicare and this idiot is so pissed off and entitled because of what Faux News or Donald Twump says. That he drops everything and heads for D.C. looking for a cop to tackle with blood in his eyes. I’m begging the jury to take pity on this poor idiot.”

How propagandized do you have to be to do something that stupid? A null and void brain dead droid devoid of conscience and drained of all mental capacity. Remember that the next time someone criticizes couch potatoes.  They may be lazy, but they aren’t looking at ten years in the big house. We are talking about a whole new kind of stupid here.

When Orson Wells and his Mercury Theater of the Air brought us “War of the Worlds” on the AM radio. Many hoosters and yokels spent the night on top of the local water tower with a shotgun at the ready. To take down those dastardly evil alien machines should they ever appear over Pig Snout. That was dumb, but at no time were any of those hoosters or yokels convinced. That that the cops were actually shape shifting aliens or attempted to beat any of them to death.

On January 6th they must have known that January 7th would come eventually, and then February 1st would arrive, and time would continue just as it always has. The cops are the good guys you know, who put bad guys in prison. That is a fundamental rock-solid value taught in school from the earliest days and reinforced by endless hours of television.  You don’t mace Andy & Barney and you don’t beat Inspector Colombo with a flagpole. One Adam 12, you’re a dick.

“Duh, your honor? Twump made me do it!” Oh, what a sad defense. “That’s right your honor, take me off the streets before I stupid again. I won’t be responsible for the depths of my own stupidity that I’m truly capable of. Faux News is still out there and Twump is still sucking in air. He could tell us all to go play in the traffic or jump off a tall building. We’re helpless putty in his hands your honor and sadly, have no minds of our own.”

And this your honor is the basis for leniency claim. My client is too stupid for prison. Why clog up the Federal Prison system with a bunch hapless morons. Send them home to their families where they can be watched and cared for, and the remote control hidden whenever necessary. The television will always be on the Animal Planet, lest Lenny starts to get riled up again.

Is there an absolute stupidity, like an absolute zero temperature? Yes, yes, there is! Donald Twump is telling those of limited capacity that it’s pardons all around. Once he’s reelected President in 2024. That is the closest thing we have come to absolute stupidity. But the question as always with Twump is, does he actually believe any of that horseshit himself or is he just spreading it around thick for the hoosters?

DR. Oz is down by 15 points in Pennsylvania, and Ron Johnson is in trouble in Wisconsin. Sarah Palin just lost in Alaska and Georgia Governor; Brian Kemp’s running mate is a phony elector. Greg (Bubba) Abbott is nervous in Texas, and Satan has signed a non-aggression pact with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. DeSantis has promised not to attempt any takeover of the underworld until at least 2035. In the meantime, DeSantis will practice by bringing hell on earth to Florida.

A local Republican aspirant for the state house promises us lower gas prices, if elected. That is a pretty slick trick, he’s gonna throttle the oil industry from here in Pinal County and show them what for. Arab princelings quake in fear, “Oh no, not Pinal County.” Maybe he gets the Russians to stop fighting in Ukraine or make the crops grow and the sun to shine down. Just tell them anything, it’s not like really matters anymore.

It is rapidly becoming an “Oh shit” moment for Republicans, the moment when Thelma and Louise realize that they’ve run out of roadway. Mitch 666 offers a dark forecast for the mid-terms and the crazy eight ball answers, “Don’t ask.” Michael Cohen says Twump probably has more documents hidden at his children’s homes and other properties. Best to tidy up, as you never know when you might have unexpected visitors. Way to go buddy, twist that knife, Mike! You meet the same people on the way down that that you met on the way up.

But it has begun to look like the climactic scene from a Steve Reeve’s Hercules movie. With Twump portraying Steve. Chained to the columns of madness and as he struggles the rafters and beams and boards and shingles of the temple shake and begin to fall. Dust and debris falling and killing the minotaur’s and skeleton soldiers and leaving the temple a pile of rubble.  

Come 2024 when re-elected, Twump will pass out pardons like M&Ms. He will make the grass grow. I guess he has a reason; I suppose, for stealing those ultra-secret documents. I’m sure there is a perfectly logical explanation and legitimate reason for stealing the nation’s nuclear secrets.  Just how stupid can people be at this point in time? After all that we’ve witnessed and all we have endured, with our own eyes. How far to absolute zero?

I have always felt that good does not always overcome evil. But because evil is sordid and corrupt, it generally defeats itself, allowing for good to step in and take all the credit.

“We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?”
― Ray Bradbury

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s