The Standoff

Falling through the universe at the speed of life (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

By David Glenn Cox

Wyoming Republican Representative Liz Chenny says, “she’ll do whatever it takes” to stop Donald Twump from getting the Republican nomination in 2024. It is an admirable ambition after all and should be applauded, though, I don’t think it will be necessary.

Chenny is the anti-Twump Republican, because when the children finally decide to put their toys down and come to their senses, she’ll be waiting for them. She was anti-Twump before it was cool to be openly anti-Twump. Betting it all, that the cult won’t last forever. She remains unbowed despite losing in her primary election. Comfortable in her travels, regardless of her eventual destination.

But the Twump twain, the little engine that thought he could get away with it, seems to be running out of steam. Chris Christie worries Twump will convict himself or inadvertently confess to something live on the air in one of his now famous, spittle laden unhinged interviews. As Twump’s lawyers appear in court with little to say, Twump can’t seem to shut up.

A family member {NAME REDACTED} a big Twumper, recently told me “they weren’t interested with politics anymore. That it was boring and repetitive.” They’ll tell you the Supreme Court is going to put Twump back in power, but it does it ever happen? Dead JFK Jr. is coming back from the grave tomorrow they say, but does he ever show?

They want Twump and still love Twump, but they are no longer sure why. The daily preponderance of Twump bad news rain soaks them to the bone. And assures them Twump will never return to office, and so, like a jilted lover they pull away from the hurt. If they can’t have Donny well, then, they just don’t care shucks about going to the big dance at all.

It isn’t that they would run from Tommy’s Pinball Holiday Camp Temple screaming, “I’m Free! I’m Free! No more flippers! No more blindfolds! Oh, my gawd what a complete idiot I’ve been!” No they just stop dropping quarters and walk away quietly when their game is over. Most leaving through the back door, with a cautious “See you next week…maybe.” Republicans are having money troubles. It seems the rich and powerful got rich and powerful, by not writing too many checks to too many idiots.

Not giving money to every Tom, Dick, or Henrietta that walks through the door promising favors. Naked handstands might be fun and appease the crowd, but that’s only going to net you pennies. If the big boys don’t think you can win, they won’t play. The money won’t come, the coffers dry up and they begin to cut the useless eaters from the vine. No bucks, no Buck Rogers.

A month and a half out, the Republican candidate for Governor of Pennsylvania. Tells a well-attended rally of forty or fifty supporters down to the state capitol. If elected, he’s going to drill, dig and mine like nobodies’ business. New and improved, caution wet paint drying thank you. Mr. Excitement is going to cut taxes on overseas investments for better schools!

They secretly tell their friends at school they really like that Ron DeSantis boy, and would maybe go out with him if he asked. But we all know that they would dump Ronnie like a fat kid with pimples and glasses, if Donnie came by in his orange letterman’s jacket. They like Ronnie okay, but they still love Donny.

 And as long as there is a slim chance that Donny might come back, they won’t ever consent to dating Ronnie. And if Donny doesn’t come back, they might not date at all. It’s hard to get really excited over your second choice.

The fallout from the Air DeSantis emigrant flights have not yet begun to hit home. The flights are popular only with the base and unpopular with everyone one else. Wait until he’s a national candidate for office trying to answer for that. No correct answer is possible without alienating one center or the other. Or admitting that it was a political stunt. Would you try such a stunt with Russia or China? I mean, funs, fun, but I’m not prepared for nuclear winter, having spent all my money on sun block.

Twump for his part won’t say if he’s running, but only drops hints. Maybe he will announce before Labor Day or maybe not. Ginning up more attention by making the audience flinch, “made you look!” Why should he announce when he gets all the attention, without the headache of the paperwork. He’s teasing and threating the Party at the same time.

“Maybe I like it here and maybe I’ll stay a while. I can’t say if I’ll run or not. Don’t rush me, what’s your hurry? I almost get the impression that I’m unwelcome here. Am I unwelcome here?”  

Gulp, no sir.

Halfheartedly holding half-hearted rallies for endorsed candidates who he hardly knows. Candidates naïve enough to allow his Twumpship to co-opt and hijack their political future. To use their rallies as the former president’s personal primal scream therapy sessions. To bitch and complain about the events of the day without mentioning, what’s his name even once. “Oh yeah him, he’ll be great! Vote for him!”

Twump will draw you a crowd all right, but it might not be your crowd. He’s inviting his relatives and friends to come eat at your house. Clearly a parasitic relationship because if you don’t invite him, he might get to thinking that you’re unfriendly and as they say, “Punch you in the face.”

Donald Twump is no more a Republican than Eleanor Roosevelt. He is neither in, nor of the Republican Party. He is in the Party of Twump. A “Born Yesterday” ignoramus. A thug, a Mafia Don. Co-opting the Republican Party like “Good Fellas.” Using it for all it’s worth, and then burning it to the ground for the insurance money.

The victim’s helplessly quake, “Yes sir, Mr. Twump! Ten gallons of premium gasoline and big box of kitchen matches. Right away sir, I’ll be right back with them! Yes, my wife is very ugly. Thank you for reminding me, sir.

He is using the Republican Party now as his sword and shield. The FBI harasses innocent people and the fireman burn the books, isn’t that right? Making Patty Hearst swear public allegiance before being returned to the closet.  Elmer Gantry held them so spellbound that they hardly noticed that the church was on fire. Now brother, that’s good preaching!

The Republican Party counters with, we can only defend you until you announce for office. Then you are candidate Twump and not ex-President Twump. So, there they are, each holding a knife to the others throat in a standoff.

“If I announce I’m running, you won’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of winning!”

If you announce you are running, we will stop paying your legal bills and will abandon you to the wolves!

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