What Hurricane?

Falling through the Universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Estimates of $40 billion in Florida damages and cleanup costs. Most expensive hurricane ever, but they really shouldn’t say “ever” anymore. They should say rather, “so far.” Hottest year, so far. Hottest decade, so far. Most forest fires ever, so far, warmest ocean ever, so far. If you think this one was bad…wait until you see the next one. In the words of Strother Martin, “What we have here, is a failure to communicate.”

Thousand-year floods and thousand-year droughts at the same time! Failed Republican politicians point to the obvious, [ The secret government along with the space pope have joined hands in an unholy alliance with Hillary Clinton, to unleash their big giant secret weather making machine.] Apologies to Rube Goldberg.

Yes, it’s not true. Spending billions to develop a secret weather making machine. So that they might unleash it on unsuspecting conservative candidates before an election and cause $40 billion in damages. Plus an untold number of deaths and injuries, all in the hopes of swinging an election. Sure, maybe that’s what’s going on.

There is our problem in a nutshell. How can you convince anyone who would believe such a convoluted story. About the truth of what is going on with the climate, armed with nothing but facts and figures. In a world filled with rocket man suits, CGI and robot hearts, it’s going to be an uphill sled.

Professional Wrestling is real, and the moon landing was faked! They don’t believe in science, but they do believe in Jesus. The vaccine is more dangerous than the disease, just as the fire escape is more dangerous than the fire.

It appears despite all our best efforts; stupid has finally reached a saturation point. Schools are bad! They’re filled with bad books, about bad subjects. They’re programing our children to be liberals and maybe one night, we’ll all be murdered in our beds! Everyone will have access to healthcare but will be murdered in their beds!

For over twenty-five years, NASCAR had tried to cultivate a family image with M&M’s race cars and Tide race cars. The plan was largely working until…”Yea ha! Let’s go Brandon! Yea ha! F*ck You Joe Biden! Gimme another beer Junior! Let’s go Brandon! Yea ha! F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you!”

Leaving many sponsors running for the hills, faster than Trump from a draft board. According to our sales demographics, raging drunken buffoons don’t buy our products all that much. And so, we will have to withdraw our commitment.

Now, exempting space travel entirely, you can with the most primitive terrestrial telescope see for yourself the moon has a spherical shape. With little research at all you can see for yourself, that the heavenly bodies all appear to be round. Except for the Earth, it’s flat. If you could convince one person of such lunacy, it’s ripe territory for a sharp Bigfoot shelter salesman.

“Sure, there haven’t been any Bigfoot sightings in the area lately, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be any tomorrow. Tomorrow might be too late, a lot of stuff doesn’t make it on the news, you know. Too late to order even Fedx overnight, once Bigfoot comes stomping down your street.

Don’t let your last thought be, as Bigfoot tramples your house and murders your family, “I could have ordered an A1 Bigfoot shelter and for a good price too and been safe.” Your money is no good after Bigfoot stomps you!

I guess you could label it the idiot industry. Survivalist supplies of freeze-dried beans in five-gallon buckets, pushed by televangelists, gold coins and a solar powered radio, so you can listen to relaxing music during the apocalypse. Building bomb shelters and stocking the basement with drinking water.

Just waiting for the day when Joe Biden finally loses it, and launches his Civil War of IRS agents against conservatives. Preparing for the rapture, while apparently certain that they ain’t going along. Instead, they plan to live out the days of the tribulation, so they can make their case to Jesus in person, when he arrives.

How are you going to teach them when they believe education is indoctrination? And they are right, education is indoctrination. Indoctrination into using your mind to gather facts and make opinions based on those facts and on the opinions of those considered learned. Understanding the laws of the physical world leads to a general disinterest in imaginary friends and scary things that go bump in the dark.

But they like their images reflecting off the cave wall and don’t want to see the full color version. That reality conflicts with their belief mechanism, triggering a fight or flight mentality. Triggering an internal conflict. I knew a man with five kids on food stamps, voting for a candidate vowing to cut food stamps. He was a Republican and was against abortion, so the kids ain’t really that hungry after all. You think you’re going to teach that something?

They find comfort in their beliefs, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me, but don’t do shucks during a Cat-5 hurricane. “God will protect us!” Maybe so, but not as good as taking the road out of town will. If they believe, then everything will be fine. They don’t have to worry about climate change, it will be fine. They don’t have to go into uncomfortable thoughts about sexual nuances; no differences allowed. Any questions?

That school is bad, someone told them so. They have bad books in there, and someone told them that too. So, yes, they will starve their children of an education and burn the new library at Alexandria, one mind at a time. And the next generation will be even smarter less.

Their beliefs give them respite from worrying about others. Permission to avoid adult responsibility and ignore the suffering of others. They see no connection between a changing climate and human migrations. No connection to larger forest fires or stronger storms.

Because of that nuance thing, it goes right over their heads when Donald Trump fundraises during a storm, while Florida literally twists in the wind. No notice of couth or sympathy, even artificial or insincere, when even the Home Shopping network shuts down on Christmas day.

Yes, I assure you, we are open! Trump claims to be fundraising for the Jan 6th traitors during a hurricane. But we with eyes understand by this point, that he only means he’s fundraising for himself. Fundraising off the people he got sent to jail, while a storm tears up $40 billion in Real Estate in the neighborhood up the road. No pause for a silent prayer of remembrance, no prayer of hope. Nope, full speed ahead! What hurricane? It didn’t hit my house.

“We must have a religion — it goes without saying — but my idea is, to have it cut up into forty free sects, so that they will police each other, as had been the case in the United States in my time. Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition. That wasn’t law; it wasn’t gospel: it was only an opinion — my opinion, and I was only a man, one man: so, it wasn’t worth any more than the pope’s — or any less, for that matter.” – Mark Twain

One thought

  1. At first I want to say “we’re a long way behind you on this” but then I realise that our nut nuts are just less honest than your nut nuts.
    People over here don’t argue with climate science, they just say they’re “optimistic”.
    But optimistic for who? For themselves, not for their children surely, or people in poorer countries or neighbourhoods.
    I decided a long time ago that I don’t want to survive the apocalypse but since it’s already begun, I don’t know where to get off.

    Liked by 1 person

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