The Right to Punk Republicans

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Maria Butina is important as just one more Moscow tentacle. The Moscow Motahari began (All by herself, I’m sure.) “The Right to Bear Arms” in Russia. This news reaches the NRA and Republobot Party and they about wet themselves in ecstasy. A group just like us, only in Russia!

What better proof Capitalism works than a right-wing reactionary group in Russia! Armed to teeth with Capitalist Rubles used to buy all the firepower they might ever need. Sure, to you and me, the casual observer, it might look like an obvious set up, a trap. Too good to be true. Enter Maria, young, fiery redhead. With strong attraction to strong, powerful older conservative men.

When you haven’t been winked at by thirty-year-old women in about thirty years. There is this tendency to lie to oneself, if only for the moment. A chance to ride the Ferris wheel one more time, before the Midway shuts down. So, Maria was very popular among Republican politicians visiting Russia in 2016. Just smiling happy Republicans and smiling happy Russians, but no sex.

After Butina’s arrest and subsequent conviction for spying. She was traded back to Russia in a spy exchange. Where she ran for the Russian Duma, endorsed by Vladimir Putin. Of course, that means she was elected to the Duma in a landslide and started the next day, even though the election wasn’t for another month yet. “The Right to Bear Arms” was renamed “The Right to Punk Republicans” and the NRA broke off any further affiliation.

I mention Maria for three reasons; she was an obvious spy who worked her way up into the Republican Party, wrong by wrong.  And reason number two, I also like to punk Republicans. Stupid Bozo’s “You’re 67 and you think, this thirty-year-old beautiful woman, “I think she really likes me! yuck, yuck.” Oh Jesus, Gomer.

And three, the Republicans are talking about defunding Ukraine if they take control of Congress. Remember, a dollar saved by not trying to make the world a better place is an apocalypse earned! Let’s just allow a war in Central Europe to fester, shall we?  

Just give him what he wants, whadda we care? I’m sure it will be fine, let an aggressor stomp the shit out of an innocent people and subjugate them. Kill and rape and murder women and children with torture chambers and mass executions, what business is it of ours? When we’re talking about finance.

Harry Truman said, “Never talk about rope in the house of a man that’s been hanged.” Or on this occasion, maybe next time your Presidential candidate is accused of taking aid and comfort from Russia. Maybe Republican support for Russia shouldn’t be so obvious or quite so vocal.

The Soviet Union fell, but the Soviet infrastructure did not. Using its legacy as a superpower intelligence network to outsize its impact. I’ve heard it said and believe it’s true, “Scratch any trouble spot in the world and you will find the hand of the Kremlin.”  Mama always said, you can tell a lot about person by the company they keep. Russia’s best friends are North Korea, Iran, and Nicaragua.

A series of proxy wars and pocket wars to gain territory and train forces for offensive actions and tactics. The War in Ukraine is almost ten years old. Begun by separatists trained and funded in Moscow with the support of Russian arms, against a Sovereign government.

A step-by-step concerted plan to take control of territory that lawfully belongs to someone else, by any means necessary. But you know those Republicans, strong on national defense. Imbued with faith and values, truth, just us and the Merican way! Maybe we should just save our money for something more important, like tax cuts!

I’m all in favor of sending a strongly worded letter on official Republican letterhead stationary, denouncing the unprovoked invasion. But somehow the idea of spending money leads them to question if we’re doing the right thing or not. Aren’t thoughts and prayers enough? They wanna fudge, they want a reason to cut and run, but only in the name of fiscal responsibility.

I want to admit right here, that I was 100% WRONG! So wrong! Don’t listen to me! I didn’t know what I was talking about. Several years ago, I first read about the cost of the HIMARS artillery and the eye-popping cost per round. But it hits on target the first time, eliminating most counter battery fire. Drive up, Bam! And drive away. “Yeah, that works good!”

The military situation for the Russians must be horrendous, planning one of the largest military evacuations since Dunkirk, with that usual Russian Army competence. The news is bad on all fronts for the Russians. After military defeat always comes political defeat. As Putin’s dominos fall and his dreams of conquest vanish. How much would a life insurance policy cost for a non-smoking Russian leader in otherwise good health?

Russia’s violent knee jerk response to striking the Kherson Bridge was to attack Ukrainian power plants and plunge the civilian populace into cold and dark. Gaining nothing militarily and wasting precious ammunition. No differently than firing V2’s into London and Antwerp. Vengeance, the 15th Century solution for a 21st Century problem.

And Republicans in Congress are okay with civilians being bombed and all sorts of heinous atrocities. If it means, we can save a few bucks.  And of course, anything that Joe Biden is in favor of instantly becomes out of favor with Republicans. So sure, they are more than willing to leave a people stranded and at the mercy of a brutal blood thirsty dictator. If it means they can score a few political points off it.

But dig, the war in Ukraine is the end of Russia as we have known it. The Soviet Union fell in 91, and this is what’s left of it. All the operative’s middle managers worked up to department heads and bureau  chiefs. All sharing Putin’s dream of putting Humpty Dumpty or some Frankenstein version of Humpty Dumpty. Of attempting to put Humpty back together again. Recalling and attempting to recreate the good old days.

And now, with just a casual look clearly that the dream is over. That ship has sailed. The Russians have lost most, if not all of their modern equipment. They are running out of cruise missiles and are running out of time. Their short comings in communications and night vision are becoming legendary.

Intelligence sources say, the Russians are evacuating their “Good Soldiers” (Relative term) and equipment from Kherson. And replacing them with the new raw green conscripts, each issued a board with a nail in it to fight with or a rusty rifle. Their military planning assumes that by the time the Ukrainians have killed off all those schlubs. The real army can make their escape.

No, that’s their real escape plan. To sacrifice conscripts and use their lives, as if they have no meaning at all. To just put them out there to get murdered to buy themselves another day or two.

Kherson anchors the Southern front for the Russians. Its loss means Katie bar the door. There is no anchor on the Southern front and the water supply for Crimea is nearly in Ukrainian hands.

Putin is desperate and trying everything. A British plane had a Russian missile fired at them, and a Russian submarine was escorted out of the Bay of Biscay. The Russian Ambassador accused the Britts of helping with a dirty bomb plot. The British Ambassador answered, “Don’t even try it. Don’t even think about it.”

Putin has tried everything and now turns to his remaining Republican assets. Whadda, you care if women and children get raped and butchered by a brutal dictator’s henchman? Towns and villages destroyed and mass executions. This is starting to cost us a lot of money!

Harry Truman said, “Never talk about rope in the house of a man that’s been hanged.” Or on this occasion, maybe next time your Presidential candidate is accused of taking aid and comfort from Russia. Maybe your support for Russia, shouldn’t be so obvious or so vocal. Your Republican loyalty is already beyond question. We have no question about Republican loyalty, whatsoever.

“I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that!” – Groucho Marx

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