The Great Pumpkin…

Picture: King Features Syndicate

By David Glenn Cox

This is a crazy business and if it weren’t for an emotional addiction and lack of general good sense, I’d put it down like a hot saucepan. Instead, I have traded the more lucrative route to fame fortune for the ability to say whatever it is that I want to say. If you work at Faux News, the boss doesn’t have to tell you what they want. A glowing retrospective on Barack Obama maybe?

I used to write for a stock pitching website. (Warning: Pay no attention to stock pitching websites!) It was like Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood meets the Twilight Zone. We can only say good things here Anthony! Saying bad things (even if true) makes people sad and they stick their lower lips out and they don’t want to buy stocks anymore or read stock pitching websites.

There was the story of the Boeing 777.  How Boeing was assembling and not building the aircraft from components manufactured by a group of contractors worldwide. Whenever there was a problem, like the cargo hatch not fitting correctly, everyone pointed a finger at each other. It left Boeing with two problems, a hatch that didn’t fit properly and figuring out who was responsible. Both expensive problems, when the original goal was to cut costs by outsourcing.

As I saw it, telling the audience which companies were struggling and having difficulties was just as valuable a stock tip as telling them which stocks to buy. This story had it been published, would have predated 737s falling out of the sky by about year or so. In business websites, the news is always good. “It’s going to revolutionize the industry! Why didn’t someone think of this before? We been waiting for this for hundreds of years!”

In Real Estate listings it’s, “Cute, adorable or lovely.” Don’t mention the airport or the sewage treatment facility! Or as seen on the six o’clock news! “The shootout at the gang headquarters is now over.” Tell them, but don’t tell them. Let them figure it out for themselves. Your job is just to facilitate the sale.

“You’ll squeal with delight,” not unlike like the 3,000 hogs behind the property waiting at the slaughterhouse. Maybe it’s none of my business, but did you know that some of these contractors had never built components for airplanes before?

 If they’ve never built say seat back trays before or doorknobs to the lavatory, no biggie. But if it’s a flap or landing gear, I might have some concerns. “Whatever made you want to get to the airplane parts business in the first place?”

Huey Long once said that “He could scare or buy ninety-nine men out of a hundred.” Mass media being a profit driven enterprise, it chooses to go the cheaper route and just scare you. Here in the wonderful land of AZ. Masked and sometimes armed men are waiting in Phoenix area parking lots, looking for “Ballot Mules.”

The media has blown this story all out of proportion, because it fits the narrative. These individuals have bought into a conspiracy theory that – Person or person’s unknown, are stuffing ballot boxes with thousands of illegal ballots. So, these individuals are waiting for the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

 How many ballots are you carrying? Unless you are a (non-existent) ballot mule, you’ll have no problem. Chances are you might not even notice them, until you turned on the TV. If they try to stop you from voting, then THEY will have the problem.

One reporter was near hypoxia. That the district attorney wouldn’t even create an emergency law out of his butt. To stop people from the heinous crime of sitting in a parking lot and watching people vote.

Back in my Georgia polling official days, I think the law was 150 feet away from the poll to do any electioneering. The Republicans were one side of the street on election day jawing, and the Democrats were on the other corner yelling back. There was a cop car that had to keep going around the block, over and over. So as not to stop and park in front of the polls with their blue lights on. Just letting both groups know that he was only a minute away and would be right back.

The story is, there really isn’t a story. But what is more intimidating, middle aged dimwitts deluded through propaganda and two minutes of hate? Waiting for hours in a parking lot for their delusion to come true. “You’ll see Charlie Brown, when the Great Pumpkin brings toys and candy to the good children!” This is Arizona, the ballots were counted THREE times in the last election, and the winner was the same every time. They’ll soon tire of hunting snipe when they fail to catch any snipe.

I saw a good one this morning, it said that undecided voters were unhappy with the direction the country is moving in. Well, I don’t know about you but it doesn’t sound to me like they are very undecided, if they were all that unhappy. If they are unhappy, they’ll want change. Duh, “Hungry people, unsure if they want to eat!” It wasn’t a story at all; it was a vehicle to sell that message that people are unhappy. (When aren’t they?)

In October, in the year of the tiger 2022, it’s hard for me to conceptualize the voter pool of the undecided at this point. “Well, I juss cain’t make up my mind Jethro. Authoritarian Fascism with blood in the streets or civil government? I mean, I like the idea civil government and all, with free and fair elections. But gosh darn it, the Republicans will keep my taxes down!”

I juss cain’t make up my mind! I just don’t have no opinion on abortion or on the border. I have no cares about tax policy or foreign policy. No strong opinions of any kind about anything. I don’t care about gun control or school shootings. I don’t care about the environment. I don’t care about books in the library or about religion in public schools. I just don’t care about public health or vaccinations. No opinions on the 2020 election or the January 6th insurrection or nothing. But I’m just not happy with the direction of the country is moving but, I  just can’t make up my mind.

If you think the Great Pumpkin is going to be hard to find, start looking for the undecided voter. From the desk of the editor, we think it would be a good idea to do a story about the discontent of the undecided voter. Just a few days before the election, try and point out how they still can’t make up their minds. But how they know for certain, that they are very unhappy with the direction of the country is going and make it sound objective!

Use words like “Uneasy” and “Worried or Concerned.” Mention the fear of a recession that hasn’t got here yet and might not get here at all. They aren’t sure which way they will vote, but they are sure they are very unhappy. Write about inflation and don’t forget to remind them how unhappy they are.

” I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind except that you happen to be insane.”

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