By David Glenn Cox
I was so giddy this morning; I just wanted to power up the Toshiba and write “Thank You!” 300 times and call it a day. Yippee! Donald Trump is preparing to announce his candidacy for the Presidency, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m happier than a broke cocktail waitress meeting Herschel Walker.
My happiness was somewhat tempered by the New York Times. In my research, I came across a corroborating article. Talking about Mr. Trump running for office. Like he was just any old plain American making a run for the Big chair. And these are the people he’s probably going name to manage his campaign. And everything is really normal and all. And I don’t think there are any elephants in the room or anything. All the news that fits the print.
I feel certain the Times that would treat a presidential run by Weird Al Yankovic with the same solemnity and the same legitimacy. And have the common decency not to mention that he’s a parody song writer without any qualifications to run for any office.
No mention of Mr. Trump’s many legal entanglements. He’s just plain old Dagwood Bumstead. But if you are showing me the dumpster, isn’t it incumbent on you that you mention the fire? Oh, he wowed them in Sioux City, drawing thousands! Two words…Sioux City. The Stones canceled and there are no Broadway shows in town. The Ace Hardware has cordless screwdrivers on sale, but you better hurry they close at six.
Nothing against Sioux City, Mr. Trump does this all the time. He doesn’t go somewhere and draws a huge crowd. He goes where he can draw a huge crowd and then he goes there. Always outside the major metropolitan areas in a (Safe) Mid-size towns that don’t get to see a former President every day. When he came to Coolidge, Arizona. I’ve been to keg parties bigger than Coolidge, Arizona. (No offense, Coolidge)
I think the last celebrity to visit Coolidge, was when Kenny Roger’s bus broke down. Nothing against these communities only, they aren’t entertainment meccas. There won’t be any good movies released until Thanksgiving, leaving the choices for your entertainment venues in Sioux City as Television or Trump. Both are relatively inexpensive. Only television you can watch any time, but Trump was one night only.
They braved forty-degree temperatures to come and see Mr. Trump! When I was in Florida, we once braved low seventy-degree temperatures to watch Canadians go swimming at the beach. We all thought they were crazy, but they seemed to be having a good time. I’ve been to Iowa in winter; forty degrees is nice night to go out. Wait a week or two, when Fall finally arrives and turns hard!
But I’m so happy! Oh, to be a fly on the wall at Ron DeSantis’s house. I bet his bowels are stove up big time and locked down with the iron clench. I bet you couldn’t drive a pin up his butt with a Croquette mallet. His hemorrhoids must be getting hemorrhoids by now. And those hemorrhoids are having kittens.
Meanwhile, in mythical land of Texas, Greg (Bubba) Abbott sees his chances of seeing the White House as anything more than a visitor on the VIP tour evaporate. The stage isn’t big enough for three. At best, he will be offered the VP spot on losing Presidential ticket qualifying him for full membership in the Lost Son’s Dan Quayle Club. Kissing your sister, kissing your ugly sister.
Oh, glorious day! My mother used to say, that you could always find something nice to say about someone, if you tried hard enough. And now, I think I’ve found it.
Donald Trump is running for the Presidency! Yeah! What Trump will do to the Republican Party in the next two years is going to look like a Freddy Kruger movie! Count Trumpula will now suck the money from the veins of still breathing corpse of the Republican Party.
But wait. Just stop. Donald Trump lost the popular vote in 2016, but was elected by a fluke. A fluke Vegas wouldn’t give you odds on ever happening again. Trump lost again in 2020 and would lose again in 2024. Not possibly lose or probably lose, but definitely and definitively lose. So why the dog and pony show? Why stick your fingers in the fan? If you can’t win and can only hurt the Party by running, making certain their defeat in November, why do it?
Trump’s not running for office, he’s running away from office. But just as long as he’s a candidate for high office, he must be treated with some deference. Why if an Attorney General were investigating your taxes, it would look political, if you were running for high office.
You could tell your followers, “Look! They’re out to get me! I need your help!” ___ Fifty ___ One Hundred ____ More! * If you would like to make this a recurring donation, don’t push the button marked, “Make Recurring Donation.” Press the button marked, “Don’t make a Recurring donation.”
Trump is on the run and not doing well in court, and his only chance to outrun the long arm of the law by being reelected. (But that’s a fantasy) The only way Trump can hold onto any power at all is by running. As a candidate with a big stick, he uses the Republican Party as human shields. The Stockholm syndrome local politicians come to the rallies because his holiness has summoned them to kiss the ring and because they are afraid to not show up.
When my kids were small, they liked the magic show at Six Flags. The first time through the show was pretty good. The second time through, the show was adequate. But by the third time, you began see how the tricks were being done. He really wasn’t that good at all if you had seen it all before.
Think of Donald Trump as the Republican Party’s Crack habit. Sure, it can be a lot of fun, but it sure is expensive and they keep losing elections! Count Trumpula, is keeping the Republican Party alive, pale and gaunt for his own purposes. With Trump on the scene, he stunts their growth. If the old guys don’t retire the new guys can’t move up. There can be no new message and the old messenger has already lost… twice.
This is Donald Trump’s job now, running for office as a professional candidate. Selling his patent medicine from the veranda of his Florida Estate or in a (safe) small to mid-size town near you. (Check your local listings and the TV Guide) This is his new grift. The grift that keeps on grifting.
Will little death ray Ron Desantis stomp his feet fold his tent and go home? I don’t think so, the shoe-in just got the boot. It’s going to be a battle Royal folks! Somewhere below mud wrestling! Donald Trump is going to announce his intentions to run for the office of President of the United States. But first, he must destroy the Republican Party once and for all!
Thank you, Donald Trump! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!