In Case You Missed It

By David Glenn Cox

It’s Saturday Night in Crazy Town, can I buy you a drink? Like watching the kindergarteners organizing the class Christmas Play. Timmy says, “he doesn’t want to be a camel anymore. He wants to be a sheep.” The Republican House majority of one. Meets to decide on their temporary leadership roles.  

Kevin McCarthy waits in the back of the room hoping against hope, that this could be his moment. He’s been oh so waiting, and oh so hoping, that maybe someday he could warm the chair as Speaker of the House for just a little while. Most would call him uniquely unqualified, having shown most of those characteristics opposite of leadership. It clearly points to nobody wanting the job.

They ain’t no cowboys in Crazy town what wants to ride on ole Crazy Red in the bullshit riding competition. Why, only a damn fool would even attempt, Sssh, here he comes.

But patience MacBeth, as there are other birds of prey who would snatch his prize away at the last moment through stealth and guile. I know, I know, can you believe it? Sedition inside the Republican ranks. As Andy Biggs of the Sedition and Hard liquor caucus, attempts to swoop in and take Kevin McCarthy’s prize and his lunch money.

Here’s where it gets fun. A crack in the ice as Margie Greene calls Andy Biggs one of her dearest friends. (Sedition wing) And after poor Kevin has been waiting and waiting for his chance. At first, Kevin loved Donald Trump and then he hated Trump and then he loved him again. Today at this very moment, who can say? He can hardly be sure which way to feel without asking. But to the Sedition and hard liquor caucus, Kevin is far too flaccid a penis to consider.

They want guns and anger and sedition! They want public education disbanded, and Martial law declared. Mandatory Church Attendance! Margie Greene said on Steve Bannon’s Podcast (Why Aren’t I in Jail Yet?)  “That Republicans should lean into the revolution.” See the problem?

It’s like Kevin McCarthy is a soggy bowl of Cheerios in warm milk. And Andy Bigg’s is a double chocolate Sunday, and the Republicans must decide between them. As unappealing as the Cheerios might sound, you still know it’s a better choice than a double chocolate Sunday for breakfast.

The Republicans got their ass waxed in the midterms. They are on the back foot as Trump and Trumpism is no longer considered a plus and begins to fade away through internal suffocation. (Yes, mommy still loves you!) Just like putting out a kitchen fire. Open the window turn off the smoke detector and start again.

The Greene/Biggs axis is the Trumpist wing fighting to remain relevant inside the Party. Now that it has been publicly demonstrated that their day is done with the electorate, and it is time to move on. But this is the Sedition wing,  “what do we care what the voters think?”

That was the plan anyway, but revolutionaries die hard. What is a Margie Greene or an Andy Biggs, without a Donald Trump? Exactly, and if they can’t overthrow democracy, they’ll settle for overthrowing the Republican Party.

Shock troops for Trump in a house majority of one. And as the Republicans try and pick up the debris and the pieces from the Trump times. The Greene/Biggs axis will be working full-time against them, kicking over their trash cans.

With Donald Trump about to announce his candidacy, Trump benefits from Republican disorder. If he can get his agents to trip them up and throw bubblegum into the machinery. Then Trump may claim that they are all incompetent, and only he can bring them together and lead them! It’s the old “I may suck, but I’m still better than any of these other Bozos!” Anyone feeling nostalgic for the good old days?

Let’s be honest and pretend that there are no children in the room. Donald Trump can’t win a Presidential nomination by any conventional method. He must shatter the power centers as they coalesce against him. Andy Biggs as speaker would go along way towards making that happen. While Kevin McCarthy as speaker would not.

Like a Mack Sennett Keystone Cops comedy, Trump would truly love to see the House Republicans start a pie fight with each other as he stands aloof. So that none might be able to organize against him.

The better demons of the Republican Party wish to move on. They know why they performed so badly, and they wish to reform. We promise, we won’t talk about Donald Trump ever again. But there he is waiting for them on the way home from school. “I heard you didn’t want to talk about me anymore…Kevin. At least, that’s what Andy here tells me. Is Andy, a liar Kevin?”

The Hotel California, you can check out any time you like but you can never believe. But he just won’t go away and so they must pretend to still be friends with him. When they really wished that he would just go away. But on that day when Trump announces, the Republican party no longer pays Trump’s legal bills. The Republican Party no longer will belong to him and will be up for grabs.  A shark turned loose gobbling up the minnows.

The Republican race for the White House starts today. The struggle within the Republican Party for control. One half looking to find itself, while the other half aims at destroying itself. A ticking time bomb set to go off in November 2024.

Now, controlling only one house of Congress, by just one single vote. How can the Republicans make themselves look appealing and stand out to the voters in 2024? Stonewall or cooperation? Cooperation is unpalatable, but stonewalling is the Trump approach. Andy Biggs as speaker means two years of pandemonium, eraser fights and swinging from the light fixtures.

Kevin McCarthy means two years of meetings in the cloak room and only talking about what they discussed in the meeting.

The midterm elections broke a trend going back to 1962, when a very popular President broke that trend of losing seats in the midterm elections. The Republicans of 2022 are radioactive. Trump and sedition or reclamation? Salvation or annihilation? Demonstration or remonstration? The race begins today.

News blurb: Sergei Lavrov the Russian Foreign Minister and highest ranking Russian official at the G20 meeting, was suddenly taken ill yesterday. And was taken by ambulance to a hospital where he appeared in good spirits in his hospital room several hours later. It is unknown where the secret meeting was being held or what secret members attended. Or what secret details about Putin’s potential assassination were being discussed at the secret meeting. But it is hoped that Mr. Lavrov will soon be feeling better. In case you missed it.

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